basketball445 Posted December 2, 2006 Share Posted December 2, 2006 i have no idea what to do, my ex says that she still loves me, but not as much as before, and i still love her, she says shes doesnt know if we are going to go back out, and has been saying this for a week now. Im not sure what to do, she says shes not going to go out with other guys because she still loves me, and i dont want to go out with another girl. Im not quite sure what i should do in this situation, i know i need to give her space and let her think it over, but im just not sure how this is gonna turn out anymore. We enjoy talking to eachother, but she thought i was obssesive by saying i love her too much. I just dont know what to do anymore, we havent seen eachother at all for a week, and she says we will see eachother just not as much as we use to, so i dotn know what to think or do Link to comment
in_love Posted December 2, 2006 Share Posted December 2, 2006 same thing with me.... Dude, respect her wishes, trust me, just let her go, show her (through your actions - giving her space) that you understand what she is asking for and work on yourself and get a life. she'll be back Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted December 2, 2006 Share Posted December 2, 2006 i know i need to give her space and let her think it over No. Is there any doubt in your mind as to if you care about her 100% or not? No, you don't need time to think it over if you want to be with someone once you've been together. You do that kind of thing at the beginning of the relationship before you know each other. At this point, both of you know what each other is about and either she wants to be with you 100% or she doesn't. And if she doesn't, then you don't want any part of it. You're not here to wait around for someone else to make up their mind. It's not the right thing for you and has the bad side effect of pushing the girl away as crazy as it sounds. So do this, tell her you want to be in a relationship with her and work on it that way, then ask her if she wants the same. If you get anything other than a yes, then tell her you're not interested in waiting for her to make up her mind as you only want to be with someone who is 100% into you with no doubts. Then you have your final answer and can move on with no doubts. Link to comment
in_love Posted December 2, 2006 Share Posted December 2, 2006 heloladies21 I know your intentions are good and all, I think by telling the guy to go for an ultimatum will result with the same answer he's already getting. I presonally feel that if you love the person then by all means give them what the ask for. She is asking for space! basketball445 - my friend, GIVE HER SPACE!!!! Walk away, do NOT give her an ultimatum, it ownt give you any of what you ask for. Just walk away and get your life back and work on you. What she is saying is "Man you are smothering me, I need to back off here" LISTEN to her and walk away. If she loved you (which I think she does) she will be back. Walk away, dont contact her and I mean DO NOT CONTACT HER (it will be tough but dont do it if you want a chance) let her contact you, when she does just keep it happy and NEVER bring up relationship crap. happy talk, small talk and keep it short. Mate you have to do this for yourself. Let NC heal you and allow you to become yourself again. Let her have her space. She wants it. Give her an ultimatum and you're setting yourself up for disaster! DO NOT DO IT! If you love her truly then man live with that hope and realise what you are doing is what she asked for, that is not a crime but you must learn to move on. It will get easier. You must move on but that doesnt mean you cannot live in hope, it is hope that prevents us from going totally insane! It will get easier but mate there is nothing you can say or do which will change her mind. Your situation is not so different to mine, my ex said pretty much the same, after 7 weeks I have been getting some pretty positive signs from her - it doesnt take einstien to work out whether a girl is totally over ya or not! trust me man. Let her go she'll be back if she loves ya! Take care and just ride the pain out for now. All I can say is that now the pain I felt is going I know now that I do TRULY love my ex. I am thinking positive and doing positive things and guess what? I am getting positive results! Think positive, do positive! you will reap the rewards! Remove negative from you mind, negative doesnt exist any more! ok? Link to comment
basketball445 Posted December 2, 2006 Author Share Posted December 2, 2006 she just says she doesnt want to go out with any one right now, and when asked if she was goin out with guys would should go out with me, she said probably Link to comment
in_love Posted December 2, 2006 Share Posted December 2, 2006 dude, she NEEDS space. Give it to her and just make yourself a more better man. Trust me, DO IT! You'll see what happens. She just doesnt want to be with ANYONE right now. Dont worry. Just move on and take care of yourself and things will all work out in the end. You dotnt see it now but whatever happens you will be a much happier person at the end. Link to comment
papalazarou Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 She feelds you are smothering her thats all. Just back off for a bit. In love is right. Link to comment
Biffy Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 I think heloladies is right, that an ultimatum is required BUT after a period of time for her to reflect. Give her some space and THEN initiate contact, tell her how you feel and that you want her back - if she doesn't bite then move on. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 basketball... What happens when you hold a wet bar of soap too tightly? The answer is exactly what you need to do.... -SuperDave71 Link to comment
basketball445 Posted December 4, 2006 Author Share Posted December 4, 2006 ok so heres whats goin been goin on, i talked to her and she was hanging out with friends and she told me to shed call me when she got home, so she called later that night and we talked, and there were moments when it went silent, like when we just run outa stuff to say for a moment, and she said i love u to me again, i thought to myself wait a second, she hasnt openly said that for almost a week now and now that i have backed off with her, she said it again. And now i got off the phone with her after she told me that she wanted me to call her and she was goin to the mall with her brother, and for the past week has always ended the conversation with, i got to go, ill call u later, alright bye. But when she had to go today, she was like, alright im goin to the mall with my brother, and i was said alright, then she said i love u. So i dont know i have a feeling things might start to get better soon. but im goin to her soccer game tonight cuz i always go and she wanted me to, and my two friends are gonna be ther, should i focus more on hangin out with them before the game and treat her more like just a friend and almost make it seem like im sorta ignoring her? or what? Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 This amount to psychological game playing and the problem is that the results are only temporary. She's gonna go right back to what she was doing before. Link to comment
blender Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 Do what is "right" and "honest" for you, if being "just friends' leaves you feeling dishonest about your true feelings, then stay away for awhile until you can get your "sense of self" back. Do you have to go to the soccer game tonight? Can you and your friends find something else to do? It seems you are still too fragile emotionally right now, and to be around her will only cause you to be disappointed because it's obvious you are yearning for more than 'being friends" and for now she is "confused" about her feelings to say the least. So why put yourself in this situation tonight? Although she says "I love you", and I'm sure she does, but until she is making an intentionally loving effort to be in your life, then words are just that..words.. actions are what determine someones true feelings, confusion, or whatever is "really" going on.. and for now her "actions" show that she wants a bit of space, is not sure how she is feeling, and it's important for you to have enough self respect to respect her needing this space.. and you might need it too...right? so for today, could you "stay away" and try to get you heart back on an even level.. just a bit? Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 I love pasta but that doesn't mean I am IN LOVE with pasta! ha ha Listen to Blender.... -SuperDave71 Link to comment
in_love Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 yeah we all love our parents! basketball445 - give her space dude and get yerself back. Do not go back into this too soon. Be patient Link to comment
papalazarou Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 She thought you were being obsessive, thereforeeee the key is to do the exact opposite. Your thread title "I need to get my ex back". You need to change your mindset to "I would prefer it if we got back together". You dont NEED her. You should not rely on anyone for YOUR happiness. As soon as you do thats when relationships start to go wrong as you become needy, obsessive and clingy. I learnt the hard way my friend. Link to comment
basketball445 Posted December 8, 2006 Author Share Posted December 8, 2006 ok well the situation has greatly improved. At her soccer game i didnt even make eye contact with her just relaxed hung out with my friends and watched the game, and my friends kept saying how she kept looking over at me. We didnt say goodbye or anything at the end, she just left without a word. Later that night i got a call, and we talked like we used to not saying anything. The other day i went over her house and we talked out our issues. I told her how i felt about the situation and how listened to how she felt about it too. She told me not to worry about it and that things we're going back to the way they were. Now we talk all the time, and she calls me, and she says i love you soo much now, im starting to feel like things are changing for the better with us Link to comment
LostLoveinLosAngeles Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 Thats great man! I wish you the best in the future. Link to comment
supernetter Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 Giving her space is good but too much space and u will go restless and start to go crazy thinking of what she is doing and with whom. So the gameplan is, give space but still keep in touch. Do not intrude in that space that u have given her but at the same time show that you still love her. Visit your common friends. Gently hint that your feelings towards her are still strong. She most probably would visit the same common friends as well and ask about you. Do NOT treat her just like another common friend. She is special to you and you must let her know it. Good luck. Link to comment
TheRedQueen Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 No, you do not need to get your ex back. Rather, you really, really, really, really, really, really want to get your ex back. You say that she thought you were being a bit obsessive? Perhaps you should look more into that. Link to comment
basketball445 Posted December 13, 2006 Author Share Posted December 13, 2006 well im at a standstill now, we havent gotten any better but we have gotten better than before, im still lost at what to do, she mentioned something about her sister going into the service and she was gonna be sad and it was gonna be weird, and theres a concert tomorow and she didnt even ask me to go. She said her two best friends bf's were goin, and she said if she had an extra ticket i would go even when her dad is the one buying all the tickets Link to comment
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