I need help....Just ended a 3yrs 7mths relationship......

[Liam]

Hi all,

I'm 24. My ex(22) broke up with me a mth ago. Reason being that i didn't give her a sense of security. I have to admit that i didn't make time for her.. I was really busy with school and all. She wanted to get married with me. I wanted to but told her not now. Didn't want to lie to her so told her the truth. There were times when i felt that I couldn't communicate with her at the same intellectual level. But she was really nice to me n all. She was very faithful to me. didn't cheat on me (I can swear to that)

 

Then after enduring bottling up these lack of sense of seurity in her, she finally broke up with me. At first I felt nothing much, but still want her back. she said no and i took it well. A week later i tried again but she totally cut me off. She didn't answer my calls, didn't reply to my messages on her cell phone, didn't rerply to my letters, told her frens not to tell me anything.....

 

Then I started to miss her really badly that i tried to call her again last week. no answers. I ended up calling her sis. She told me she has been going out with this guy immedaitely since i broke up with her, going out really late n all. The guy owns a car so is able to pick her up to n from work.... I was devastated!!!....

 

Her sis told me everyone told my ex not to break up with me. Her mum too (her mum really likes me). but she was still stuborn.

 

I sms her that i was willing to sacrifice anything to be with her now, willing to marry her now,learnt my lesson.....etc all kinds of thing to make her come back to me....but in vain.

 

I actually broke down in front of my parents because of her....

I really hope she will come back to me.....really....i'm still waiting..

I feel like i'm slowly dying away........

 

I need some advices here.......

[clearcase]

Dear Liam,

Hard as it may seem, Just give urself and her some time instead of feeling and behaving so desperate. If she was with u for around 4years, that should give you the confidence that she had some nice feelings for u and they wont go away in such a short time. Just try distancing urself from her for some time. Give yourself a month or two before u next talk or contact you. If she comes back, u will learn from ur previous mistake and give her all the love possible. If she doesnt the two months you have away from her should give you the strength to let her go and move on with your life.

[charmed]

Hi Liam,

 

Don't worry about what she is doing, or who with. It simply doesn't matter.

 

She has shut you out, because she probably feels that you have trouble letting go, and this may be the only way she sees herself getting out aswell. As for new boyfriend, whatever about that - rebounds from long relatinoships are risky and usually for the wrong reasons.

 

Take some time for yourself, and look at what you have learned from the past few years. To now say that you would marry her if she cam back - is that really what you want to do - I suspect not. Don't be so desperate to have her back that you would claim to do things that you wouldnt have done a few months ago. Think clearly about what is going on, and look forwards positively without her. Give yourself a few months and you will be back on track fully.

 

Hope this helps you some,

 

~Charmed~

[Liam]

Thank u very much for ur advices....

 

Have been trying to block out any thoughts of my ex since...

Still have very strong urge to call her to tell her how much i miss her.

But i did not of course coz i know she won't pick up.....

 

BUt i still want her back....sigh.....

 

thank u all......

[Liam]

N it doesn't help that i can't sleep ,eat, do anything right......

My mind is constantly clouded..always having her in my mind, even in my dreams in watever little sleep i have....

 

I've been chain smoking n drinking myself silly to sleep....

i know it's bad...but i can't help it...

i really can't...............

[waitinvain]

The dream thing is natural. I still get that every couple of nights or so.

 

Last night I dreamt that I was in the shower and the bathroom door opened. I peered around the cubicle and couldn't see anybody there, so I got out of the shower and walked into the bedroom. My ex was lying with her head peeping out of the covers , pretending she was asleep. I said, "Was that you? Then she opened her eyes and looked mischieviously back at me. I then kissed her.

 

Then I woke up and realised it was just another dream. I hate my dreams. lol.

 

Don't call her. You will get a negative response and she will just resent you even more.

 

The only thing you can do now is distance yourself and see what happens. Believe me, I get the urge all day long to contact my ex. I sit there persecuting myself. It is so easy to send a simple text message. I've had to delete the number off my phone to stop me during weak moments.

 

View it as a test of your character to be patient. A challenge. If she doesn't come back, then you will have the satisfaction that you had enough resolve and dignity to stop putting yourself through further humiliation. At the very least your EX will be surprised you appear to have moved on.

 

One day at a time. One hour at a time. Whatever it takes. Quit the substance abuse. Have a couple of nice glasses of red wine and try to chat to people that take your mind off it.

 

Life does go on. It's hard. I'm finding it hard too, so i know where you are at but I also know it's not the end of the world. If it's meant to be it will find a way of working itself out, but stop doing the things that have not been working so far. Discipline yourself to be patient.

 

I have moments of true desperation. Feelings of rejection, abandonment, loneliness and injustice. I didn't deserve the way I've been treated, but that's the way a person dumped always feels. Try and rise above it.

 

All the best.

[Baldo25]

I know how u feel right now buddy co'z that's whats happening to me now my gf for 11 yrs broke up with me 3 months ago and she's with another guy right now..hard to accept and I'm willing to accept her again if given the chance and forget everything...I wanted to move on but she's in my head every hour...yup up to now and I'm hating myself for that but why the hell buddy they are the one who dumped us we did tried to save the relationship but still the door is locked for us the question is WHY? after all that we've been through with our GF's still they don't care....

 

Put it this way buddy...put yourself on their shoe...what r u gonna do? maybe they're happy now with their guys it's their descision anyhow and I'm thinking if they're happy we should be happy for them eventhough it hurt us so much....but don't let this situation affect you take advantage of it exhaust yourself with study and be better person make it sure that they will see you getting better and let them realize that the big mistake in their life was when they dumped us...I know it's hard but I guess for us thats the attitude we need beside u'r young unlike me buddy I just turned 30 and it happened when I taugth we're going to settle down...

 

I would like to hear from you again and at time like this we need somebody to talk(chat with) otherwise it's gonna drive us crazy..

 

God Bless Brother

[Liam]

Thanks all for ur wonderful n encouraging supports!

 

At times like this, it's really assuring to hear concerns from others.

 

Well, times are pretty much up n down.

I still think/dream of her....the last dream was a scene were i was lying on her laps,she smile at me n we kissed....(arrrggggghhhhh!!!!!!)

 

There are times when i know i can get thru this...

And there are times when i'm fighting not to contact her...

 

I just found out that she has changed her cell phone number.

I didn't call her, but a mutual fren told me...

How heartless....