RayKay Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 This is kind of a convoluted question, but please bear with me! It is kind of petty but I am just not sure how to approach it. It has been a LONG time since I had to deal with this kind of thing, and honestly, I really thought I was WAY too old for this and in a far more mature "educational path" for this kind of stuff! I forgot that people can be odd at any age Anyway, some background may help. In my law program, the class for the year is divided into 4 sections, in my section we have some classes with the first section, and some with the third section. I met one classmate on day one of classes, and we just ended up sitting together for all our classes (we share section) as we had some common grounds in being both older, and returning to school, and so on. It purely is just a CLASS/SCHOOL friendship, we talk outside of class and joke around but not outside of school except for school events. I want to add too that he has (had? I am assuming maybe had based on following) a long distance girlfriend, and I of course am very involved with my boyfriend so NOTHING there! Anyway, the last week he sat in the back with another girl in our class whom is in another section for those classes. Which is fine with me, I did not think anything of it or anything except it was odd as generally he sits RIGHT at front, but now he is RIGHT at the back which is not his style! However, after someone mentioned something to me today, I found out it is because I guess he is trying to stay in this aforementiond girl's "good books" and not associate too much with me....so I am not sure if he broke up with his gf or not (like I said, we are not that close!). Which made sense, as I have seen them together outside class more often with her sitting pretty close. Still, whatever, right. Though today he did sit by me, or rather he was in his usual place and I went up and sat where I usually do. This other girl was in the back, and she gave me a couple looks that were not entirely friendly, which is odd to me as we have talked before and I thought all was fine! After class, as I was walking out with this guy and talking she just kind of butted right in from nowhere and made some statement (one of those kind of flirty ones to him) and gave me a kind of odd look. Again, whatever. So, what I THINK is going on is as I heard form a mutual friend is that he is trying to stay in her goodbooks and for some reason she is insecure about me...or he just feels he should do that...who knows. The reason I am posting this is because he and I, and one other classmate, are in a group for this project we have next semester which we can't change now. So, I do want to just make sure that I have not done anything that has offended him or anything. If those are his reasons I really don't care, but if I did something I am not aware of I just want to make sure that I am aware of it, can clear it up and we are on good ground for this group project. I am just not sure how to approach it as I said we are not that "close" or anything and I don't want to make assumptions, or mention this other girl because like I said while I suspect, I don't KNOW what is going on and it really is none of my business! If it was NOT for the fact we had to do this project I would not even think about it. It feels like high school all over again..lol, until this week I had seen NONE of this, though I kinda tend to do my own thing and randomly move about and not get all cliquey either so maybe my blinders were just on! Link to comment
annie24 Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 hi raykay! you know what, it really sounds like they have a little romance blossoming, and he's afraid if he spends too much time next to you, this other girl will get threatened. it's all very high school! It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong at all, I guess he just wants to give a bit more of his attention to this other girl (seeing as how you are taken). And maybe yeah, this other girl might have said something to the effect that she is jealous of you stealing away her potential man. anyways, no worries. I bet it will blow over! Link to comment
RayKay Posted November 30, 2006 Author Share Posted November 30, 2006 I hope so, I have to spend a lot of time with them for the next 2.5 years! Like I said, if that is reason that is totally fine with me; I am just worried I did something myself that maybe upset him or her or whatever. I don't think so, but whom knows! Link to comment
Hope75 Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 Hi Raykay, In a situation like this, I've always found it best to just approach her personally and mention that you've noticed she seems a bit uncomfortable around you lately and you were wondering if anything was up? Perhaps she isn't even aware that you have a boyfriend, and this can all be resolved quite easily with a quick conversation. If anything, she may say nothing is wrong but be quite embarrassed that she was noticed acting like a high school girl and knock it off. What do you think? PS- next semester is a bit of a ways off so it's possible this will all blow over by then anyway! Hope school is going well otherwise! Link to comment
RayKay Posted November 30, 2006 Author Share Posted November 30, 2006 Maybe Hope, though I don't know her as well so would feel a bit weird about it, and again it would be making assumptions about the situation. Sigh.... Otherwise it is great, except for the 7 exams that are coming up - first one is next Friday! Link to comment
The Law Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 Seems like she thinks that he has an eye on you. Which is making her insecure , because she has an eye on him. Personally if i where you, id fabricate one of them 'girlie' talks on who you like, then you can state something like 'oh i love my current bf forever, and were gonna get married'(or whatever) to indicate that your not her rival. That way you can open the gate for her to chase this guy or whatever from that points its none of your bussiness ,but at least it will stop her breathing in your neck. Not sure if the guy is going to continue the ldr, but from my personal point of view i think she wants to make a move on him, no reason why you shouldn't let her have her way so.. Link to comment
annie24 Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 yeah, that might be a good idea. maybe you don't even have to get her into a "girlie" talk. maybe the next time you are in earshot of her, say something like, "yeah, my boyfriend and I are going to his parents' place for christmas...." that might be enough. Link to comment
RayKay Posted November 30, 2006 Author Share Posted November 30, 2006 Thanks guys, that makes sense. I definitely don't want to make it a big issue or make anyone uncomfortable, or make anyone feel "silly", so that makes sense to me! Thanks again Link to comment
Hope75 Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 Maybe Hope, though I don't know her as well so would feel a bit weird about it, and again it would be making assumptions about the situation. Sigh.... Otherwise it is great, except for the 7 exams that are coming up - first one is next Friday! Hi Raykay, I don't think you would appear to be making assumptions if you just mentioned she seemed a bit uncomfortable around you lately. All you would be doing is expressing concern. It would be different if you said, "Why are you looking at me like a lion to a kill everytime I am near X?" But I think if you come accross as geniune and caring, there is no reason to believe otherwise except what you are asking. Good luck with your exams! I have one more on Monday... and then I graduate!!!! Link to comment
RayKay Posted November 30, 2006 Author Share Posted November 30, 2006 Yeah Hope! The finish line for you is so near! Link to comment
Dilly Posted December 1, 2006 Share Posted December 1, 2006 It almost has me wondering if this guy perhaps has the hots for you and maybe even has told the girl he does. She, not knowing your status as having a SIGNIF of your very own, is likely just threatened and like any catty girl, she is trying to give you the evil eye. I personally would not want to say anythign to her as that would communicate presumption on your part and maybe even interest in this mutual male friend (at least to her). It also might make for strange communications and conversations around the classroom. Right now, it is purely subjective and any outright communication on this topic would make it objective. Having said that, I MIGHT ask my project partner (the one in the middle) what's up and is he still on board for the group project next semester? Just tell him what you told us in the last paragraph, that you were getting some strange vibes (not from her, but from him). Keep her out of the conversation completely - otherwise, like I said, stuff goes around and becomes objectively communicable. Right now, just be happy it's all under the radar and just feeling-based. Link to comment
Dilly Posted December 1, 2006 Share Posted December 1, 2006 My bet is that in a year you will be having a conversation with this little spring chickadee adn you will have newfound respect for her. Whenever I had strange feelings for classmates, over months, they generally went away and I realized there was a sort of magnetic pull/push that we had towards/away from each other, and that the only reason I noticed sometimes is that we had something in common, some interest that we were competing over perhaps, but if the interest was removed, we'd actually be friends without any sort of tension. Link to comment
RayKay Posted December 1, 2006 Author Share Posted December 1, 2006 Dilly, I have talked to her on a few occasions, and there were no issues. I certainly don't not respect her; I don't feel drawn or repelled by her either way, just wondering what is up with the strange looks (I am not the only one whom has noticed them either, they have been noticed by others without me even saying anything!). As I said above, I have NO plans on bringing up her with him, or with even herself; it really is just about making sure I did not do anything to offend him! We don't have a choice on the group project, so that would seem a bit weird for me to do, I just wanted to make sure I had not offended him or anything. Anyway, same thing today - if she is not in the class there are no issues, we sit together and chat and all that. If she is, we don't! Link to comment
silky88 Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 i agree with the others -- just a quick, casual mention of some plans that you have with your boyfriend probably would be sufficient to defuse the tension between the two of you, if it is, indeed, over a guy. she is probably feeling insecure and if you can find some way to convince her that you a) have a boyfriend, b) are serious with him, and c) he is not the guy she has her eye on -- that will be enough to get rid of her fears. especially if she hears it mentioned in the male classmate's company. Link to comment
Dilly Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 But... I'm not so sure I would reward this catty behavior with this reassurance. It's almost setting it up for the next cycle with some other girl. I honestly think that would offer the quickest remedy if she innocently mentioned her boyfriend, but.... then, the girl may do this same intimidation routine to the next woman that she feels is on the prowell. Link to comment
caro33 Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 i agree with the others -- just a quick, casual mention of some plans that you have with your boyfriend probably would be sufficient to defuse the tension between the two of you, if it is, indeed, over a guy. she is probably feeling insecure and if you can find some way to convince her that you a) have a boyfriend, b) are serious with him, and c) he is not the guy she has her eye on -- that will be enough to get rid of her fears. especially if she hears it mentioned in the male classmate's company. I agree with this. If her issue is jealousy about you and the guy, then this is perhaps the easiest thing, particularly with all that future interaction. Isn't it funny how these things just don't change as we get older? Link to comment
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