when you really like someone who and you've been hurt...

[millaj]

Hello everyone.. I am new here, but I found this after I did a search on my topic. I am a lesbian woman, 24 years old and have been hurt in past lesbian relationships. Part of being hurt was because I was always very needy and expecting and when I didn't the results I wanted, I became very sensitive which in turn made my ex's very aggrivated with me and they always treated me like shit.

 

My last relationship was with a woman who wanted to just be my friend.. I thought cool.. different than the norm, but we always had sex and it started to get me confused and when I offered her my affection and told her that I was interested in being her girlfriend (more than sex) she rejected me and said that all she could offer me was a friendship but she might change her mind later.. so I just kept on with it, but after a while I got hurt and she still wouldn't commit and then I had to break ties with her. It was like she only used me for the sex and she knew that she didn't have to commit because of the fact that she could get what she wanted regardless..

 

It has been two years and I haven't had a relationship with another woman.. I have had enough time to really know myself and the qualities I look for in a woman and also get to know me and my strengths and weakness' with dating..

 

Last week I met a girl who is amazing.. I really like her.. I am very confused because she is bi but I respect her because she had never been with a woman before and said she wanted a friend first and then a girlfriend because she has been tired of the men and has really been interested in women. We have so much chemistry and when I met her we talked and talked for hours and had dinner.. the next night she came over and we happened to take it to the next level and I didn't mind because as long as I am protected I feel like hey.. why not.. it's been so long since I have had a commitment anyway right?

 

Well here is the thing.. I am confused because I like her and I know that she stated she only wanted a friend.. I don't want to scare her off by telling her that I want to be her girlfriend and then I am also really scared because of the fact of that last experience I had a couple years ago.. We talk like friends, but since we took it to the next level.. how can I act and treat her so that she will know that I want to be her girlfriend and not just a friend who has sex every once in a while, without coming on too strong.. .. I also don't want to not say anything and her not think that I want a relationship.. errrr!

 

I would like her to be my girl.. does anyone understand and can anyone give me some type of advice

[leanmean16]

i know its not exactly an ideal situation (then again what is?) but you should go with the friend thing for a bit, but dont open up too much so that you wont get hurt too badly if this goes wrong, i doubt youll find an exact repeat of your previous relationships but definitely try the friend thing, but make it clear youd really like this to develop without sounding too needy. that make sense?

 

Martin

[millaj]

Yes, it makes perfect sense.. I am definitely going to go with the friend thing because I know that it's important to her.. like you said.. I don't want to come off as needy, but I also don't want to loose her interest by me not showing interest.. it's a hard thing.. and your right.. it probably won't be the same situation as before.. I just need to take it one day at a time.. today I let her know how happy I was to have her as friend and I hope that in the future it can be more.. that made her happy and I am glad *wiping sweat off of my forehead* LOL..

 

Thanks again!

 

[tlcasap]

Well I have read your story and I am new as well. I am a 24yr old female also but I am heterosexual. I have a gay brother and understand how difficult it is to have a life style that is not fully accepted in society and that alone is huge to overcome. I think you should be proud of yourself for knowing who you are and what you want in life. When I read your story..your thoughts are clear. You are a smart person. It is true that you need to find out what you want in life and who you are before you can truly let anyone else enjoy and understand who you are. The fact that this other

girl is bi-sexual is what gets me. She is probably very uncertain of who she is and what she wants. She is experimenting with you and you are finding that you really care about her. I think the first thing you need to do is ask yourself if you want to be with someone who is bisexual or do you want someone who knows that they only like to be with women? do you think that if she is with you and then maybe she will find that she will only want to be with women too? I think that that is unrealistic. You have been hurt in the past and you are proceeding with caution and seeking advice and that is great but don't make the same mistake. You want more than something sexual and you can have that and you shouldn't settle for anything less. I believe that you need to be with someone who is also sure of what they want and also knows alot about themself. You seem to be "looking" for a relationship and as many times as it is said it holds true. You cant look. It will just happen. You should be honest with this girl and tell her that your feelings are becoming more than just friends and find out how she feels about it. Not communicating is the worst thing you can do. If you are always open and honest with eachother no matter how scary it may be, you will always have the truth and it will save you alot of pain later. good luck and just be honest.

[millaj]

Hey there.. thank you for the response.. I am glad you can understand where I am coming from.. I had a long talk with her last night and it seems that she has always wanted to be friends first with everyone.. she hasn't ever had a relationship with a woman so she doesn't think that it would be different and I tried to explain to her what I felt the differences were.

 

Just from having a 3 hour conversation last night made me realize that I should step back anyways, because she is a very straight forward un-emotional type of being.. she stated it herself.. I don't know if that could be me and i've had relationships with people who weren't emotional in the past and it didn't work out just because they don't understand why I am. I am a very passionate person and if I like someone I don't want to let them go.. that can be good and bad, LOL.. I've realized that it is better to let her get her way and be friends with her..

 

I'd rather be single for the rest of my life and have long term strong friendships than live life having tons of bad relationships..

 

Thank you again!

 

[as1shoodo]

it sounds like she was clear from the start what level she was willing to offer you. i think your search to find a girlfriend versus enjoying and building a friendship is overstepping the level of attraction. stay tuned in with yourself to enjoy a woman's company without so much the physical bonding because it sounds like you take it to the next level. a little clarity previous to getting intimate to understand if that would change things needs to be talked about. this will save an emotional rollercoaster since you sound like the only passenger. just giving you some real talk.