as1shoodo
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Everything posted by as1shoodo
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Being passive to take the role of being the provider voluntarily can be mistaken as a responsibility versus a kind gesture. In reality I know I cannot afford all expenses by myself. I cant seem to get a mutual consistency in my relationship... I dont have extra to shop and I try cutting corners to see if I am living above my means. In ways I am, to help the rest of the family. I feel burned out. I want an escape. But if I dont take care of business I cant rely on anyone else to step up to the plate. How do I get my relationship to mutually contribute to help take the stress off of me? I dont want anything to sound contingent or to jeopardize what standpoint we are at at this time. In other words, I dont want to hurt any feelings trying to ask for help. Its out of character initially asking for help but I need something different in this relationship. Help, please.
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first of all, lets clear the air to see if you are as liberal as you may want to be. break down the whole scenario. if you didnt notice her looking at you, would you still have tried to ask her to go hang out? were you looking, too? or were you looking because you are curious? be cautious not to put yourself in a situation that doesnt exist. be friends first. if you like her vibe, things will flow naturally. everything does not have to be upfront and personal to kick off. good luck.
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i agree with mahlina. the community service may be mandatory but the attachment is genuine. you dont have to sever ties when you complete your hours. the smallest things will mean the most to him, that he is thought about whether your presense is there or not. A card, remembering his birthday, a way for him to communicate back to you. youre not adopting a responsibility. you are gaining a friend. your friendship may be the key to build his character; his self-worth. be the difference in his life.
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It has come to my conclusion today, after wearing myself out yesterday, what to do about my relationship and how to move forward. Ive spoken previously of ultimatums what my woman wants now in comparison to what its been (lack of communication, independence and self-worth). in order for me to honor her newly chosen freedom and independence, i realized that i need to take two steps back and redirect all my controlling emotions to something for myself. If i had invested too much time looking for all my answers to be found in my woman, I see how that can be smothering or unsatisfying to her, or me, because she just cannot oblige (whether it be availability or connection). I strongly stand today (dont know about tomorrow) with a less-worried approach to bring communication to the table yet not dwell on the unknowings of her daily doings. Im beginning my TO DO list to occupy my time in hopes that this brings us closer. Tell me im not going through a stage, please...
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ive been given the ultimatum to accept my woman's life to flow with her friends first, to be happy again, and to lift her spirit back up from where i had exhausted it because i wouldnt openly let her in my head... i agreed to do what i have to do to get out of the doghouse but now i wonder what time would be invested in the relationship if she may not even be there? we already work different shifts and have different off-days. i feel uncomfortable settling for a relationship just confirming that we end our evening in the same bed. am i missing the throughness she had reached and am complaining too soon? input, please.
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what are your mutual interests? just dont be stuck on a pretty face. i know nervousness limits an open conversation but do something fun, stress-free, where you both can have a good time and speak as friends do. that will help break the ice to speak with this girl. good luck!
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His actions are easily stemming because he is not the one without. It always takes someone to have something going already to feel more confident about their actions that the next person isnt going to affect it. Maybe a portion of his actions is referred back to your initial breakup with him, but honestly, and im sorry, he is moving on. The truth will hurt but if you do not blatently ask if there is any hope, you will drive yourself crazy. And you will have to prepare yourself for either response. You can love someone forever without being together, but never underestimate what life can recycle back into your life.
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Be corny first! It may ease her to not feel so uncomfortable expressing her mutual feelings. Or tell her one thing you feel and follow it up by, "do you feel the same way"? If she does, try to go from there to have her explain why. Communication techniques are different amongst everyone and sometimes we need a little help getting the ball rolling. Good luck and dont let it frustrate you. Patience is the key.
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In my relationship I began to notice that conversations I have get cut off by my lover as if she didnt hear anything I was saying. Initially I wouldnt mind then it was a continuous thing and it began to bother me. She told me she had ADD. Now I dont know much about ADD but I am feeling that she has no interest in what I talk about. What can I do to help our communication, if ADD is truly the problem?
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A really screwed up situation
as1shoodo replied to ZoneAmped's topic in Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender
There has always been a standard rule of thumb not to date within the circle of acquaintances. I disagree with that. What you cannot ignore is if there is a mutual energy between the parties involved, go for it. I think the three-some was a bad idea because obviously someone outshined the other. The reality is that someone is out there for each and every one of us. Coincidentally, it may be your ex's ex. Excuse the title and hope that your ex can respect the fact that you are moving on, regardless if its somewhere she's already been. -
Why cant i speak freely to my girlfriend to have that open communication as she has done for me? She's stood naked to me and I know everything about her. My life's story doesnt flow that freely... She's tried to initiate the floor to get in my head but refuses to cater to my inability to talk anymore. I made the mistake to be too controlling and held back talking to her that could have destroyed our family... Apologies and rebuilding trust that she is my other half to open and try to be less controlling (because I am not superwomen) are the realizations I need to succeed in to salvage this relationship. But if she's fighting herself to stay then takes a step backwards, I dont know what to do to build her belief in us again... Others she have allowed to step in to be the ones to lift her spirits and feel alive again, and I feel that she has become content with that and doesnt expect it from me anymore... What can I do?
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Help...Please tell me what you think.
as1shoodo replied to RacerGirl's topic in Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender
As you have stated, you choose not to put your lifestyle out there, for business purposes. To possibly entertain the thought of putting your guard down to three curious clients, dont. If anything, let them make the first move. Til then, be flattered, not anxious. -
Searching for Answers
as1shoodo replied to Adulthood_Not_Quite_Ready's topic in Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender
Initially you relied on your woman's support throughout your depression and didnt know how to express, or fix it, but through physicalness. You became dependent. Because your woman found herself striking back, she probably reached her tolerance level. Love is love, but you need to offer her more. Whatever your reasons of depression (stability, career, esteem), you need to channel your resources and energy to feel better about yourself FIRST before you can offer change to your relationship. It doesnt sound like she's gone yet, but awaiting better from you. -
Let me help you here, girl. For a woman to want to feel someone aggressive in the bed means they want to play the submissive role, for someone to express that passion to contol the moment and be so into her. When the heat rises, it comes a little bit more natural know what youre hot for and what you can take (and i mean take)! I dont follow the theory that there are roles required in a relationship (because both myself and my girl and femmes), but check your characteristic and your girl's. would you be the domineering one? something to think about. aggressive can be shown in the midst of passion as to how deep you thrust, or how hard you pinch. dont be scared to hurt her, because im sure she'll tell you, as she told you to be more aggressive. handle that, girl!
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it sounds like she was clear from the start what level she was willing to offer you. i think your search to find a girlfriend versus enjoying and building a friendship is overstepping the level of attraction. stay tuned in with yourself to enjoy a woman's company without so much the physical bonding because it sounds like you take it to the next level. a little clarity previous to getting intimate to understand if that would change things needs to be talked about. this will save an emotional rollercoaster since you sound like the only passenger. just giving you some real talk.
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first of all, congrats to you for acknowledging what you have been obviously fighting within yourself. secondly, dont rush the process. be amongst to familiarize yourself and to feel comfortable, if not already. at least by being amongst, you may encounter a sweet site with whom you wont have to wonder if she's family or not. right? good luck to you and dont add to the stereotype that lesbianism is a sexual forum without thoughts of committment down the line. support the lifestyle that loving a woman is as attractive and precious to seek longevity.