musicguy Posted November 28, 2006 Share Posted November 28, 2006 This is a thing that has plagued me since junior high. I'm a really nice guy and I treat girls good. I've been told by girls I'm a "sweet, wonderful and amazing" person. but either getting screwed over by girls and I'm still single. I mean I'm being myself. It's hard for me to meet people my age cuz they are either in long-term relationships or married with kids. I don't go to bars at all (I don't drink much and I have my reasons). So I tend to wander online and meet people online because well, I get online quite a bit. I just don't understand why a lot of nice guys get screwed over. I mean I'm going to be myself no matter what...I'm not gonna change for anyone. Link to comment
DropToZero Posted November 28, 2006 Share Posted November 28, 2006 If you're always online, you're not out there getting real world experience...so you're more than likely not going to be meeting anyone(really, online friends you can't hang out with on a sat. night unless they live near you). There's such a thing as *too nice* too, and that's the sort of area I think you're in...you don't have to *change* per se, but you're going to have to be more open, go out and have some fun. You don't have to go to bars, there's plenty of other activities in your area probably. Go to parties, you don't have to drink, but bring some sort of beverage at least, not everyone at parties drinks to get drunk. I'm sure you could actually search out a few online guides or something on here, I know diggity made a pretty good one, but what I get from you is you're so nice you're letting girls walk all over you, and unless you want to change that...I can't help you. Link to comment
kittysaysmeow Posted November 28, 2006 Share Posted November 28, 2006 First of all, I met my boyfriend online and we've been together for over a year so you can find someone that way. That said, I met a lot of jerks before I found him. Secondly, why not join a club or sport to meet people? It's way better than a bar and you get to meet people that share similar interests as you! And, maybe you're "too" nice. It's sad to say but "nice guy" usually equates "doormat". Be yourself but don't let people walk all over you. Join a new activity and try to meet people there or get some of your friends to set you up. Hope this helps. Link to comment
Dako Posted November 28, 2006 Share Posted November 28, 2006 I hope this thread avoids the jerk vs. doormat trap that seems inevitable in threads like this. Guys can also be themselves, and fall in the middle of these two extremes. You don't have to drink the alpha Kool-Aid or be walked on to have a good life. Link to comment
kittysaysmeow Posted November 28, 2006 Share Posted November 28, 2006 I'm not suggesting that he has to be a jerk or that he's a doormat. I'm merely suggesting that he become more outgoing and try new things. Obviously the online thing isn't working for him and the type of women he chooses are wrong for him. You can be yourself but explore out of your comfort zone in order to find someone compatible. That's not changing who you are. Link to comment
Dating Coach Posted November 28, 2006 Share Posted November 28, 2006 This is a thing that has plagued me since junior high. I'm a really nice guy and I treat girls good. I've been told by girls I'm a "sweet, wonderful and amazing" person. but either getting screwed over by girls and I'm still single. I mean I'm being myself. It's hard for me to meet people my age cuz they are either in long-term relationships or married with kids. I don't go to bars at all (I don't drink much and I have my reasons). So I tend to wander online and meet people online because well, I get online quite a bit. I just don't understand why a lot of nice guys get screwed over. I mean I'm going to be myself no matter what...I'm not gonna change for anyone. Do you ask girls out right away or are you generally their friend before you muster the nerve? We need more info. Link to comment
musicguy Posted November 29, 2006 Author Share Posted November 29, 2006 okay, I'm back from work, but first off. I am an outgoing person NOW, not so much in high school and have gotten over my shyness. I go to local shows when the band I manage does concerts, but most of the time they are with someone or have a significant other. DiggityDog-- I've done the friends thing and that hasn't worked out because I'm stuck in the friend zone. Even if I do ask them out, I only go out on one date. As for being a doormat, maybe I am, BUT I do stand up for myself and then get called a jerk, so I get so confused about what girls REALLY want Link to comment
dil Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 Hmmm...what do girls really want? A guy that's attractive and *not* a jerk. Haven't found that yet. you seem to fulfill that requirement... but yeah, join a club!! Link to comment
musicguy Posted November 29, 2006 Author Share Posted November 29, 2006 I don't know what kinda clubs there are around for 27 yr olds though Link to comment
dil Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 like a reading club? chess club? uhm, I guess it's easier for me because I'm a geek. Music club? I'm sure there's one around..you look like a rocker...rockers hang out in groups in certain places: its 'the scene' or something alien to my geeky self. Link to comment
AnotherBrokenDoll Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 Good to hear you aren't gonna change for anyone To be honest i think good guys get stuffed around cuz they are "good guys". Girls sometimes realise what they are doing until it is to late. But i agree you need to get out more and meet new people on places other then the net. Not that you should stop that just do something more as well. Link to comment
musicguy Posted November 29, 2006 Author Share Posted November 29, 2006 like a reading club? chess club? uhm, I guess it's easier for me because I'm a geek. Music club? I'm sure there's one around..you look like a rocker...rockers hang out in groups in certain places: its 'the scene' or something alien to my geeky self. look like a rocker? I AM a rocker. There used to be a club around my hometown, but that got shutdown...the only thing in my hometown are bars, being that it's a collegetown, yeah, lots of bars. The next city, an hour away, has a lot of the clubs and my friends aren't bar/club people and that's fine with me cuz I love my friends (they are in a band) I used to be in a band. I guess for me, being in a band is more or less the only way I can meet people. I mean what girl doesn't like a guitar player or thinks they are sexy Link to comment
Dating Coach Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 As for being a doormat, maybe I am, BUT I do stand up for myself and then get called a jerk, so I get so confused about what girls REALLY want This is very telling. This statement shows that you are really concerned with being what girls want. This is the wrong attitude. You should be concerned with what YOU want. If someone calls you a jerk for standing up for yourself then ditch the b. They're clearly wanting you to be a pushover for them which shows that they are a waste of time. I think this need for approval is sending the wrong vibes to girls which is likely the source of your failures in getting good chemistry. Just start doing things for yourself. I am sure you are a good guy so it's not like you're going to become some type of loser so doing things for yourself is only going to make you more confident and respectable. Link to comment
dil Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 look like a rocker? I AM a rocker. There used to be a club around my hometown, but that got shutdown...the only thing in my hometown are bars, being that it's a collegetown, yeah, lots of bars. The next city, an hour away, has a lot of the clubs and my friends aren't bar/club people and that's fine with me cuz I love my friends (they are in a band) I used to be in a band. I guess for me, being in a band is more or less the only way I can meet people. I mean what girl doesn't like a guitar player or thinks they are sexy RIGHT! guitar players are sought after.... okay, I'm lost then...how are you having girl problems Link to comment
musicguy Posted November 30, 2006 Author Share Posted November 30, 2006 I dunno why I'm having girl problems..maybe I'm not attractive enough to them Link to comment
Juha Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 I dunno why I'm having girl problems..maybe I'm not attractive enough to them LOL!!! Musicguy have you looked at some guitar players in bands??? THere are some ugly mofo's out there and they get plenty of women... Now get backout there and start playing.. Maybe at one of the bars they would like someone to play one night or day just you and your acoustic up there... I guarantee you will get some women... Link to comment
dil Posted December 1, 2006 Share Posted December 1, 2006 I dunno why I'm having girl problems..maybe I'm not attractive enough to them Maybe you're so hot they think you probably already have a gf Link to comment
DMXtreme Posted December 2, 2006 Share Posted December 2, 2006 I dunno why I'm having girl problems..maybe I'm not attractive enough to them You are thinking about it too much, just let it happen. I used to be a super nice guy (well still am but I will not be stepped on) and I treat my gf's like gold but as soon as they try to walk all over me I get tough and they get surprised but they quickly realize what they are doing and treat me better. Sometimes you have to be a jerk, but if you keep it real and to a min you should be ok. Link to comment
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