nicole_83 Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 I've met this guy couple of months ago, I met him through friends and we've been getting along quite well as I'm getting to know him, I was quite surprised by the fact he told me he hadn't lived with his family properly since he was 11, he was sent to boarding school, then he was studying and working at the same time, of course he had been going back and forth to see his family whenever he could but he's been living with friends and now he's 27. He told me about his last relationship that ended 3 years ago, their relationship lasted for 6 years! Which left me gobsmacked. I couldn't figure out how until it made me wonder if his ex girlfriend was a 'motherly figure' to this guy since he's spent so much time away from his family? I'm afraid I may end up the same role model to this guy too. Any suggestions? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 Sounds to me like you have almost no basis to support your theory - either that he looked to his ex as a mother figure, or, even if he did, that he necesarily would have the same pattern with you. How would you like if he leapt to a similar conclusion about you? Have you been dating steadily all this time? What has he done that shows he is looking to you as a mother figure? Link to comment
melrich Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 Have to agree with Batya there, that is one quantum leap of logic. Link to comment
nicole_83 Posted November 21, 2006 Author Share Posted November 21, 2006 We haven't exactly been dating, we've become very close friends and feel as though something between us is about to happen, but after he told me this, its made me step back slightly, he's not done anything so far that's made me feel he's looking up to me as a mother figure but now that I know this information, I have this slight fear that he may want lots of attention from me. I really like this guy, I just hope he'll like me for who I am, not for what I'll give him. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 If that is your approach to deciding whether someone is right for you I would say that this is far more about you not wanting to date him or being scared to date in general than about anything he has done or said. Link to comment
nicole_83 Posted November 21, 2006 Author Share Posted November 21, 2006 You are right, in a way I don't wanna date him because I don't want anything bad to happen to either of us. But I'm probably jumping to conclusions far too soon. If it were me, I wouldn't like it if he judged me so quickly just like the way I am doing right now with him. Right now my heart is telling me to give him a chance but I think I got this feeling of what I should be expecting if anything happens. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 Dating requires a thick skin. Relationships require taking a risk. It is far safer to not be in a relationship so that nothing "bad" will happen - the only bad thing might be missing out on connecting with a good person. Only you can decide whether the risk is worth it. There is no way to definitely predict what will happen. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted November 28, 2006 Share Posted November 28, 2006 Are you a psych major or something that you would immediately jump to a 'mother figure' conclusion?? personally, i don't see anything in his history that would point to that problem... lots of people go to boarding schools, and it has nothing to do with any problems with their mothers... and the fact that he had a 6 year relationship is GOOD because he shows the ability to stay with someone, and the fact that he can go 3 years without a relationship is GOOD because it means he is willing to wait to find someone he thinks is good for him rather than just hooking up with anyone the second he is single... you are reading WAY too much into what he said, you don't even know him... you are overanalyzing him too, will never work in a relationship if you are projecting your own fears onto another person when it doesn't match the facts. your jumping to conclusions this quickly actually says more about you than it does about him... are you afraid of momma's boys for some reason, and expect everyone you meet to be one? he sounds like an OK guy to me, i'd give him a chance, but question myself as why i am so skittish about it... may have nothing to do with him, but to do with yourself. Link to comment
nicole_83 Posted December 3, 2006 Author Share Posted December 3, 2006 You know that is a VERY good point. I didn't think of it that way. It may have a lot to do with me. I'm quite fearful whenever I'm in a relationship with someone or about to be because I get scared of what I'll be coming accross something that would hurt me. I could be a psych major jumping to conclusions already before getting to know him lol, but that fear that I got hasn't gone away though. I should really take this easy. But thank you for your opinion. That's made me realise. Link to comment
bambina maxima Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 Is he from southeast asia by any chance?? kidding, he sounds like an ex of mine. and i have decided since the breakup that he is DEFINITELY a mama's boy. But I don't think you can say just on what you've said that that's at all true for him. Sounds like he's had an interesting life Link to comment
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