We broke up about 3-4 months ago

[P964]

Well my ex girl friend of 3 years broke up with me about 4 months ago. I had somewhat been taking her for granted and we had some big differences like her wanted to get married and me not wanting too. I was pretty devistated for 3-4 weeks but I got over it as best I could. About a month ago I started to see some other girls, nothing serious at all just a few dates. I guess that kinda threw me back about 2-3 months becuase it made me think of how much I still loved my ex and how she was exactly what I wanted. Its going to be pretty hard to find someone that I care for, respect and love as much as her. I kind of feel like that was my one shot and I blew it. Anyway I havn't had any contact with her in 3 months (she lives about 5 hours away now). I was thinking of sending her an email and just seeing how she is doing. Maybe after 4 months she will think differently about our relationship. On the other hand it could be more hurtfull to talk with her and hope to get back together when she is just wanting to be friends. I know that she would never tell me if she was seeing someone else to spare my feelings. A lot of times i'll have dreams at night of us getting back together and i'll wake up and it will put me in a depressed mood for the rest of the day. I just feel that I should atleast contact her and if their is any chance its worth the risk.

[hellojello]

If you're having dreams, then I say definitely do something about it. Call her or send a short email just saying hi. Don't say anything about how much you miss her until you know how she feels about it. If she still misses you, then great, but if not, you might scare her off. I've had dreams about different situations, and I always have to go through with what happened in the dream or it comes back over and over. So maybe that'll help!

[Lightingbird]

The key is reality.

 

Do you think that she has changed? Have you changed?

What positive differences would come forward if you got back together?

Are you sure you miss her and are not just lonely?

 

Before you contact her think these things out thoroughly. The best thing that a person can do to win back an ex and make the relationship more fulfilling is to better them and try again.

 

Only you and she know what caused the relationship to fail. But bettering would only enrich your love if you get back together.

 

Contacting her to say hi or ask how she is doing is good. At least this will keep contact open but at the same time don't put your heart on the floor.

Wait, plan, and make your move at the right time.

 

But before you do anything! Think this all out completely.

 

Good luck to you.

[katana]

Hey P964 -

 

In the same boat as you and agree with the other caller - gotta follow your dreams - you being is trying to tell you something.

 

The note should be "hey, how are you, are you doing ok?" and see what the response is. If she's interested, she'll engage in the conversation - otherwise, you'll hear what you have always heard and didn't like".

 

That first email or phone call after the breakup is a doozy!!! You really will not know where the conversation will go - or not go - SO - HAVE NO EXPECTATIONS!!!! NONE, about nothing... just convey your caring and that's it.

 

I did the above - got no real conversation or concern for me/us in return - and felt uncomfortable going forward with more contact - my dreams and thoughts told me that she has probably moved on so no point in bugging her anymore.

 

Take real small baby steps if you are trying to find out about your "US". There is no hurry whether the news is good or bad.

 

S.

[P964]

Ok well I sent her an email. It was real short maybe like 8-12 lines. I asked her about how she was doing in grad school, how her family was and that I hoped she was doing good, and happy. I'll let you guys know if she writes back. Already just writing the email brought back a ton of old feelings, which I dunno if thats a good thing, but oh well.

[Oddjob]

im dealing with the same shit except i live with the girls brother and her sisters boyfriend. So basically shes around me and it kills me.....im going for her, life is too short to sit around waiting for people.

[P964]

Well I got an email back from her.

 

I guess it was pretty blah, nothing in it that made me think she wants to get back together.

 

"I was really glad to hear from you."

 

" Believe it or not I do really miss you. You have been so important to me."

 

"There were very hurt feelings both ways, but I hope that

this is a sign that we might be able to at least stay in touch."

 

"I hope that you don't think that what happened was easy on me either. You still mean the world to me."

 

I guess I'm looking for someone to say "WOW it sounds like she wants to get back together!" I know she doesn't. The two people that knew our relationship best is us and its pretty hard to interpert stuff like this. The last thing I want to do is start emailing her and get this false sense of hope.

[katana]

To me, it sounds like both of you want to talk some more...her and you. If nothing else, both of you will have a better closure if you talk more and stay in touch.

 

I'd take the chance and make the next step towards her - cautiously and without expectations [that's what screws us up].

 

My advice is to draw her feelings out and see what she has to say to you. Don't worry about what you want to say to her - she'll ask little by little. If you don't see her asking and all she wants to do is talk about her, then you also have an answer...that she wants to vent and doesn't care about what you have to say.

 

I like that you are cautious about this - but I think it's worth a try....work with it - see how far you advance in "closure".

[P964]

Ok well its been about a month.

 

We emailed back an forth for awhile and then started talking regularly. I can tell that I think she is lonley and that she wants to get back together, she is dancing around it a lot. I have given her no indication that I would like to get back together, i'm just sort of being friendly. She would like to meet up sometime next week (her idea). Maybe she doesn't want to get back together and maybe she is just being friendly but she contacts me multiple times per day ... and says that she misses me etc.

 

 

What gets me is that, she broke up with me when things were going good in her life. She had met some new friends and felt like she belonged… I felt basically like she didn't need me anymore. Now that they aren't as rosy as they were before its like she needs me as support for her. It really kind of ticks me off when I think about it. I've been dating a lot of girls and having fun, although I am lonely and miss that connection that we had. I still haven't found anyone that I really connected with but I went out with great girl last night, who knows if it will turn into anything but I have a feeling that I will find someone it's just going to take time. I am undecided on if I will meet her or not.

[P964]

Well about another month later... wow how things are different.

 

 

I met another girl who I think is amazing. We get along great, we share a lot of intrests, have a awesome time together. The ex girl friend let me know that she went on a date and that it didn't go so well becuase she was thinking of me. She asked if I had been saying anything (about the 4-5 time she has asked) I always told her no because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Well I told her yes this time now that things were getting more serious with this new girl. Wow did shit start to hit the fan, she turned into a super bitch. Made lots of rude comments, and let me know that "she didn't know how she really felt until now" and that she always though we would get back together. I don't feel bad for her for even 1 second. She broke up with me, and now in her mind its finally over... she thought up until now that I would always take her back, but now she sees that I have moved on and she hasn't.

 

I don't feel anything for her anymore and it actualy makes me sick to my stomach to even talk to her now. I would of gotten back with her if I had not met this other girl, just becuase I was lonely. That would of been the biggest mistake of my life.

 

People would tell me things like, do you want to get back together with her becuase you really love her or your lonley and were comfortable with her. I knew we didn't work and that our relationship had major problems but I was lonley and though that being with her was better then being lonley.