Rent

[bitterbear18]

Just wanted a few opinions:

 

I've lived with my girlfriend for about ten months, for the last four I have been splitting rent with her as she can't afford it on her salary. It was a mutual agreement for it to be this way when she moved in, on top of having to pay for all the costs for living and all other expenses.

 

We've had our ups and downs, but in our arguments it always revolves around whose place it belongs to. I see it as 50/50; if I don't have a key and space in the studio then why should I be paying? She sees the place as hers and I'm helping her to pay. I am more than willing to have my name on the lease and all of the other things necessary in order to make this a fair arrangement.

 

She says I'm not honoring my word if I didn't pay, but I feel I'm being suckered here.

 

Thoughts?

 

Much appreciated

 

B-Bear

[FortunateOne]

Do you currently have a place?

 

And, for the first six months did you have a place?

[bitterbear18]

I split time between her place and at home with my folks.

 

I decided I'd give it until next months rent to find a place. Right now I'm back at home.

[bitterbear18]

At the old place it was me paying the bills and her paying the rent, but we shared with someone so it worked out to be pretty affordable.

 

I still pay for all miscellaneous expenses and I'm starting to feel that it's financially draining.

 

It's bad when you think fo your girlfriend and finaincially draining are the first two words which come to mind.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Sounds like you'd like to lay about your gf's place and mooch while she takes up all the responsibilities that go along with keeping it. When it's convenient for you you just saunter back to your mom.

 

My advice: She should dump you, and pronto.

[FortunateOne]

Landlord-Tenant laws differ from state to state, but here in Cali a tenant that is not on the lease has the same property enjoyment rights as the leasee, thereforeeee you should have access to it.

[bitterbear18]

WOAH!

 

I pay for all expenses here (except the other half of the rent).

I don't get a key, I don't space in the apartment.

How's that mooching?

I want to stay with her, but I also want it to be clear and fair.

Responsibility = key.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Did you ever agree to pay half the rent?

[FortunateOne]

The way you posed your original post gave it a feel as if you were leaching off her, but as we aske questions we get to the root of your request. Talk to the landlord to ad you to the lease and them you'll get a key.

[Ellie2006]

Hey there,

 

Initially I thought that since you're paying half the rent, the lease should be in both rentpayers' names.

 

I have one question, though:

Is there a reason you're splitting time b/t your gf's place and your parents' place? If you don't *technically* live there all the time, I could see why your gf thinks that it's her place and you're just helping out w/ the rent.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I think you should either move in, pay your half, willingly, and without complaint, or move out. Sounds like you're trying to reap all the benefits, but only to the extent that it's convenient for you.

[bitterbear18]

Yes, I agreed to pay half the rent. I thought that came with a right and a responsibility.

 

Key - I've paid up for this month, we're not on talking terms at the moment after a big argument about this.

 

I want to use the time to assess what this relationship is built on. If it boils down to rent and miscellaneous costs then I'll have to end this. Then I will look for my own place.

 

My concern is that she will call me out for not honouring my word of paying half. The lease ends August of next year.

[bitterbear18]

When I say misc. costs I mean EVERYTHING.

I thought that when you move in together it's about sharing costs accross the board.

I can't fully comp. on my salary.

[bitterbear18]

That's the thing - I want to live there, I am willing to pay half the rent without a fuss, but I want to have access (key) and space for me in the apartment.

[CarnelianButterfly]

You did make an agreement, but it doesn't sound like you are getting the rights to paying your share. You should have a key if you are paying for the space. Talk to the management and see what it would entail adding your name to the lease so that you are really on the books.

[Ellie2006]

May I ask what, then, is the argument about?

If you want to live there full time and go halvsies on everything -- rent, utilities, groceries, etc etc -- then what's the problem?? Or maybe I should ask, what problem does your gf have w/ putting your name on the lease and giving you a key, if you are willing to do all that?!

 

Maybe it's more about this whole "living together" thing that's troubling her?

[FortunateOne]

B-bear, what's the real issue here?

 

This seems to me a result from a deeper problem of commitment or control on both your parts.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I don't know...it sounds like there's more going on. Could this really be about your unwillingness to step up to the plate?

 

It's like the old question, "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?".

[bitterbear18]

I don't think she's cool with half.

She's said if I was on higher salary it'd be all comped for.

That's too much.

No offense to anyone, but there's that saying: "what's mine is mine, what's yours is mine"

That's exactly what I'm feeling at the moment.

I can give to an extent. I can't give all.

[Blue Dreamer]

but in our arguments it always revolves around whose place it belongs to.

 

I dont know, but seems like shes taking advantage of u cuz she put herself in a predicament with that place. She should know her limitations. Did you both sign the lease? Doesnt seem the case. If the lease is in her name only, she is right bout ownership regardless of how much you pay. Anyways, why is something like that so critical? You guys are renting for crying out loud. The relationship clearly has other more important issues which need to be resolved. Smart man if you find your own place for now no matter what.

[bitterbear18]

I'm committed to this, I would say it's more of a control thing on her behalf.

Pay half = key and space. If she can't allow that how's that my problem?

Feels like I'm paying to let her live her life.

[bitterbear18]

If my name was on it, I would like her to chip in if and when possible, but not remind her it's due on said date. That's what I am getting from her.

 

The deeper issues revolve all around money. I might be shallow, but it's boiling down to a love v money thing.

 

Sorry about the rapid fire replies I'm just trying to think this thing through with your responses.

[FortunateOne]

I dont know, but seems like shes taking advantage of u cuz she put herself in a predicament with that place. She should know her limitations. Did you both sign the lease? Doesnt seem the case. If the lease is in her name only, she is right bout ownership regardless of how much you pay. Anyways, why is something like that so critical? You guys are renting for crying out loud. The relationship clearly has other more important issues which need to be resolved. Smart man if you find your own place for now no matter what.

 

As an existing tenant he still has possesion rights regardless if he is on the lease or not. I think this is an issue of control more than anything else.

[Ellie2006]

If I am understanding this correctly (please correct me if I am getting this wrong): she would expect you to pay for EVERYTHING if your salary was higher but since you're not, she's saying that she's actually doing *you* a favor by paying half of your collective living expenses??

[bitterbear18]

absolutely correct!

please tell me i'm not out of my mind when i'm saying that's not right and fair.