He called. No msg. Moral support???

[bambina maxima]

Well, the ex called earlier this afternoon and thankfully I was blissfully unaware for several hours. I don't know what I would have done if I were there to hear it ring.

 

He didn't leave a (*$&%(*@ message. It's a struggle, but I think I won't dignify it with a return call.

 

It's been over a month since I've last talked to him. The last conversation we had, I said I couldn't deal with the non-relationship relationship BS and that he should only get in touch with me if he was 1) dying 2) seeing someone else seriously or 3) ready to take me seriously.

 

I guess if he isn't leaving a message, it isn't serious. And it's a breach of my rules.

 

Breeeeaaaaaaaath.

 

.... he's still thinking about me

[rmpavlock]

Exactly. If it was so important he would have left a message because he would want to make sure you knew he called and that you called back. Don't call. If he really wants to he'll call you again. If not, you are better off. Stay strong!

[bambina maxima]

ugh. it makes me so (*#&%*@()& mad that he doesn't have the decency to leave a message. I don't like his game. I've been nothing but up front and rocksteady, and he's a shady fool.

 

No email. no texts. just a random call. I'm beginning to think he's completely gutless. Or maybe it was an accident??

[blender]

DON'T CALL HIM, IT WILL MAKE ALL YOU SAID TO HIM MEANINGLESS... MAKE YOURSELF MORE POWERFUL THAN THAT, HAVE THE SELF RESPECT TO STICK TO YOUR STANDARDS..

 

You have to let it go.. I know it's driving you crazy but be empowered by the fact that you have set a standard and value for yourself that YOU are MAKING A CHOICE to live by. He now has the OPPORTUNITY to rise to the occasion, but the ONLY time you should even consider talking to him, or having any contact at all, is if he directly, states a clear intention of "I'm made a mistake, I miss you, and I know you didn't want to hear from me unless it was because I was serious about 'us" and I respect that, so I am calling because I do want to try again with "us".

 

Anything less than him directly stating that, is just that, "less", do not answer the phone if he calls, do not text, email, nothing, sometimes the ex goes through those momentary "missing you and wants to allevaite thier curiosity" only to have us respond, or make contact and they go back to feeling empowered, in control and curiosity alleviated, and then boom, they are back to their 'PATTERN' and you are left starting at square one.

 

Do not weaken and disrespect the boundaries you set for him, you made it clear in a self respecting way the he should NOT be contacting you for any other reasons, then "dying, wanting you back".. (the third one you mentioned about him letting you know if he's serious with someone else) well that one, who cares, why would you want to know that?

 

That is not the "closure" you are looking for, the closure will come within you believing in your own standards for what you are willing to tolerate in a relationship and so far he has not had the "opportunity" to find out what it would be like if YOU actually set a standard for yourself.. and you have now, so stick with it, let him live with himself, his own choices, and now the consequences of those choices, and that consequence is:

 

He no longer gets the honor of your energy, or contact, or his curiosity allieved.. the only thing he can get from you is a respectful response to a directly intentional respectful communication that HE has grow enough to realize he wants you back..

 

Be proud of your intergrity and courage to stand up for yourself.. it won't be the last time he calls, he will do it again, right now he knows he called you and that YOU know he did.. so know he's left to "wonder/think" ...wow, she's not just "there" for me, she not "calling ME" back... what's she up to.. she must really mean what she said, oops, could I really be losing her..what have I done...do I have the guts, the courage, the authentic love and maturity to go back and win her heart... hmmm...

 

Stick with no contact.. heal yourself, and let him hear, and listen, and be with HIMSELF.....

[Dorsay]

Bambina, that wasn't the call that you want from him. I agree it was a very gutless and even selfish move if his. You've been doing great without any contacts for 5 weeks, so don't accept for anything less now. I know he misses you, but it isn't enough to win your love again. Take care.

[bambina maxima]

Wow...blender...Dorsay...thank you..I know I have to ignore it, but it really helps to hear it from others.

 

Blender, You are exactly right...if I call him back it will give him the power. I need to stick by my original statement, and I will. I refuse to enable him to repeat the old cycle relationship limbo. I'm feeling better about it now, but man was I thrown upside-down for a minute.

 

If he isn't going to take me seriously, then he isn't worthy of my love. My silence is sending him the most powerful message. I know I know I know. Thanks again.

 

The reason I would want to know if he's seeing someone else is that it would force me to get over him/I would have to let go of hope (at least this is what I told myself at the time). The hope has been pretty much annhiliated by now anyhow, so it's moot. You're right, I'd rather not know. If it's going to be like that, I'd rather not hear from him or about him EVER until I'm over it all completely. I probably won't really want to talk to him then anyway.

 

Dorsay...yep...I imagined a time when he'd call to say "I miss you" and I imagined my response: "That's not good enough." Because it isn't.

 

Thanks again for the encouragement guys. I needed it.

[blender]

Hang in there, and remember you still have "hope for what you dream of in a relationship" you just don't know right now "who" this will be shared with.

 

It might be that your ex has revealed that HE is NOT capable of giving this to you, or any woman for that matter...

 

So keep up with your standard, it's so rewarding to find your own backbone, it's so empowering, and sticking by your standards/values is the most ATTRACTIVE qualtiy anyone can have...

 

so just know that no matter how much the heartache is hurting right now, the good news is we can choose to learn about ourselves during these times, heartache is often an OPPORTUNITY' to become a more stable, mature, classy version of ourselves.. be proud, be grateful that you are no longer "repeating a pattern" you know does NOT work... that is a HUGE step forward..

 

He will call again, it might not be for awhile, hang in there, don't let it get you down, just keep saying to yourself, "I'm am not interested in "crumbs" from a man, I deserve the "whole cake".

 

You've let yourself get used to his "crumbs" that's all, and it only leaves you starving for every morsle he "might" throw your way.. well you are NO longer choosing to accept "crumbs"...

 

Pretty soon, and it takes a bit of time, you will feel stronger, and better with each day that you stick to your declaration you made to him.. respect yourself enough to live within that integrity and you will soon only attract people who respect you the same way... the law of attraction.. been around forever and it's real.

 

If he ever discovers that he can authentically step up to the plate, nothing will stop him from letting you know this, clearly, intentionally and with respect...

 

Again, your choice of "no contact" is the ONLY way for him to have the opportunity to discover this in himself... and then contacting you to say just that.. if not, then it's his loss, and you are no longer tangled in a "pattern" that could drag this on for way too long..losing pieces of your sense of self along the way..ugh..that's NEVER worth it..

 

It's wonderful that you have the courage, strength and wisdom to break this pattern.

 

Either way, consider yourself on the road to healing, being better, and not wasting anymore of your precious energy on going to a dry well for water only to leave more thirsty...

 

The best is ahead of you... with him, or without him...