For those who think the pain will never end..

[hjc]

...a little update from me. I got dumped by my ex of 2 years just over 3 months ago. Basically she'd been pulling away for a while before that and so we mutually agreed to split, but I would've been happy to work at things. So her choice and I felt absolutely devastated.

 

Since then I've had 3 months of pretty much solid NC; we've communicated a few times (always initiated by her) by email and text and had one phonecall. But that's all. I've missed her terribly, felt like I would never find someone else and generally beat myself up about what I'd done to wreck things...so not the best place to be.

 

I then started dating people (both using a website and friend's recommendations) and to start with it felt like a complete waste of time; I kept comparing the women I met to my ex (and of course they came off worse) and kept thinking about how long it would be til I could get her back. Then came news (from a reliable source) that she was seeing someone else. Cue more getting upset, angry, annoyed, thoughts that she must've cheated on me etc. etc.

 

But this week I went on a date and something amazing happened. I met someone with whom I had an incredible evening (we met at 7.30pm and all of a sudden it was 1am). She's stunning, smart, funny and seems to be all those things which I had been missing in my ex and convincing myself no-one else would ever have. We've been in touch since the date and we're seeing each other again next week for a second date. I've got that butterflies in my stomach thing and I'm really excited about seeing her.

 

Now I have no idea whether things will work out with her (right now I really really want them to) and I certainly don't want to run before I can walk..but its really helping me to move on from my ex. I'm not preaching a "get back on the horse asap" message here ('cos you've got to be ready to see other people and that's something only you know), I just want to highlight that things can get better...and even if things with this girl don't happen, it will at least have shown me that there are other fish in the sea. Since going for dinner I've had a spring in my step and a smile on my face.

 

So, those of you feeling like things will never get better; they will. Time is a great healer and you will get there eventually. NC was (and I guess is when I think about it) really really really hard. But it has helped me get to a stage where I am ready to let someone else into my life. In fact I decided today that if my ex were to contact me right now and ask to get back with me, that I would put off taking any decision until I'd seen how things work out with this new girl.

 

And if there's a choice between my ex and the new girl...right now the new girl gets my vote everytime I think about it. Of course if things don't work out with her, then I might consider going back; but I'm not feeling like that is the only (or indeed best) option for me...which I did up until very recently.

 

I'll keep you guys and girls posted on how things go...but suffice it to say that I feel I've turned a real corner. It isn't over yet and I do think about my ex a lot...but I am spending more time thinking about the new girl. I'm gonna take it nice and slow with her and just see what fate has in store.

 

Just hope that inspires those of you who are in the depths of despair (which I was). I'm now in a much better place (and a lot of that is down to this site, so thank you to all those who have encouraged me)...

[annie24]

hey! I am so glad to hear this! yeah, even if things don't work out with this one, at least you have been reminded that there are other amazing women out there. your ex wasn't the only fishie in the sea. I sure hope things keep going well.

[hjc]

Quick update - I've been on a second date with the new girl and I'm still feeling incredible about her. Yeah its made me think a lot more about my ex but in a fond (and frankly "ex" type) way. I look back on what we had and I smile...but I'm not clamouring for her back. I want this new girl now and everything she can bring to my life.

 

So not quite closure but I really feel like I've turned a corner. Of course if things don't work out with the new girl then maybe I'll be in a worse place...but it has given me hope that someone else can amaze me and get me excited.

 

And all the little things I'd told myself that only my ex could offer....like being the most beautiful woman I could ever hope to get...well I've just found someone else who has the potential to give me even more.

 

I'll keep you posted..but those of you in despair worrying about how you'll never meet someone else....it does happen. Stick at NC and huge hugs to all of you suffering right now.

 

My only pain/suffering at the moment is worrying whether the new girl has feelings for me. All I can do is keep dating her (if she lets me!) and see what happens.....

[L.J.]

Hey hjc,

Good for you !! It's great you turned the corner and are able to cheerish your ex in a fond manner. It it commendable that you respected her time and space when she requsted it.

 

Put the worry aside and keep dating.... I'm sure the new girl will let you!! You are good guy .... stronger and better is a bonus. Yes, keep posting, keep the good news coming.