class of 06'...bitter sweet feelings

[shep88ner]

i am 18 years old and back in may i graduated from highschool. i remembed back in middle school and elementry, counting the days to graduation from highschool. the days seemed to last for months and the summer vacations never ended. it was just me and all my friends hanging out and just having fun all day. then i got to highschool and things started to get a little more serious. i remembed my freshman year walking into our commons of my brand new home for the next 4 years. little did i know i was just about to start the best 4 years of my life. i had so much fun in highschool. everybody knew everybody after a while and it is in highschool, i saw my friends and classmates from kindergarden grow up into young adults. we seemed to share a certain bond, we were all close friends, everyone one of us. it was very rare to walk down the hallway and not hear my name yelled 5-6 times or to get randomly hugged by someone. every friday night our student section filled up to compacity an hour before the game. we were voted in our newspaper as the "loudest and craziest highschool basketball arena in 20 years". we were no doubt the most close knit bond of friends. i made the golf team my freshman year. i played golf all four years i was in highschool. its going to sound really cheesy and weird becasse it's only highschool, but i have never had so much school pride in my life. when i put on that letter jacket even today, im proud to be sporting my colors. we may not have been the biggest school, the best school for sports, or the most popular...but i can tell everyone, it's the best highschool in the coutry. i had so many friends, so many memories. it just seemed like it wouldnt actually come to and end ya know?

 

but here i am, in november, sitting in my dorm room over an hour and 45 minutes away from my alma mater. i see none of my friends. sure, we talk on IM and have facebook and myspace and all that, but nothing can replace the times we shared in highschool together. we all split up and went our separate ways. my very best friend since 1st grade now lives over 3 hours away from me. people say college is the best 4 years. but there is no way. i feel no school pride at all. i go to the football games, we lose, and i dont care really. our team rushes onto the field with fireworks and the whole bit...but i cheer only at a minimal level. when my highschool team took the field, i was painted up, jumping aorund, and i cant recall a game i had any voice left by halftime. i dont really have any friends here in college, and i know the friends i make here, wont be even half the friends my highschool friends were. i used to feel important and a leader for my school, everyone and their cousin knew me....but here, im just another brick in the wall...im just like the other 20,000 students. in highschool i went to school with maybe 500 people...and i loved it.

 

i guess im kind of happy where im at, i mean, im training to become what i'll be the rest of my life. my career. im a responsible adult now, it's a fresh start in the adult world. but i miss highschool so damn much. i would give anything for 1 more year, 1 more day, 1 more class...anything. i brought my highschool senior yearbook with me to college, and i hve looked at it one time...i cant do it. to see those pictures i almost start crying. i cant do it. always remembering what i used to have. the times i shared, the friends i bonded with.

 

i kind of have this saying..."i may breath black and red, but i still bleed brown and gold"

 

i really cant think of any better way to put it. when i went back for the weekends and went to the football games...when the band played the alma mater...i just got tingles and i felt so much joy and pride for being a graduate of that school and being apart of the traditions. my college alma mater, i could care less about. no matter how much i try to enjoy the traditions here.

 

nothing can replace the memories i have of running out on the muddy football field my senior year, and hugging every one of my senior buddies who just played their final game. i was more muddy then they were. i will never forget taht moment. graduation was really hard for me...they talked about how we may never see eachother again, and it never sank in until i moved out here.

 

im never going to get those times back. and its really a sad thought.

 

a song that really really discribes this is that song, "Whenever you remember" by carrie underwood. if you havnt heard this song, omg, download it, it's the most amazing song to reflect back on things like highschool. my friend erin sang this song for our variety show my senior year, and had a slideshow of all of us growing up through the years...and not to make my school sound like a bunch of wussies, but i saw 6-7 guys tearing up watching it...me included.

 

i just want everyone in highschool to realize what they have and cherish those moments and never let go. nothing can replace the friends and memories...nothing...

[luvursmile]

Yup, I remember high school....those were good times! Just cherish all those memories. People move on, people grow, and life goes on. What can you do!

What you wrote was really nice though. Making me get sentimental...

[Daligal83]

I think one of the themes I read in your thread is that in high school you were involved, had connections, and felt like you belonged. In college you have to make that happen. It's not as easy as it was in high school. You said you go to the football games, but it doesn't do anything for you. Well, you don't know the guys on this team, so it's not as exciting. You're not involved in the team. It's not the same.

 

Look into the clubs that your school offers. I know that I met some of my greatest friends (including my boyfriend) through joining various organizations and getting involved. These new people don't have to replace the friends you had in high school, just add onto your social circle. Most of my best friends are the ones I grew up with, but I still say undergrad was the best time. Now that I'm in grad school, I really miss it. Give it some time and get involved and it'll get better.

[someguy69]

You had a great highschool experience... some people have terrible highschool experiences. Lets just say you were lucky

 

Don't give up hope though, you just have to make new friends. It sounds like you had no trouble making friends in high school, so it should be just as easy in college. Just give it a bit of time.

[shep88ner]

thats the thing, it not easy at all for me to make friends. i made a lot of friends since i played golf and 90% of everyone i went to school with for 12 years. i grew up with all of them...so i slowly made friends with everyone...im extemely shy. i cant talk to people. i have social anxiety disorder and it's very dificult for me to make new friends. i think that's why im so upset

[Stinkweed]

OMG, I feel the exact same way about my school.

 

In college, I'm a misfit, a loser if you will. I've got nothing going on, no friends to hang out with during or after school. I especially miss the hugs man, from my friends who were girls. I got hugs a bunch of times per day man. I didn't have a girlfriend, but that was cool, cause everywhere I went, I saw at least a couple of friends I could talk to. And I felt like I could say anything, you know? I wasn't afraid to just say ANYTHING I damn pleased.

 

The school wasn't small at all, so I can't say my entire class was a close-knit group like you described yours. But man, I had an AWESOME nickname not even chosen by me, lol. I won't post what the nickname was, cause I just wouldn't want anyone who knows me to recognize it, cause chances are it won't happen, but with my luck, who knows? Anyway, those were crazy and amazing times indeed. I mean, I'm gonna be honest, my first 2 years I spent in this really crappy school I hated with a passion, so I don't even consider those two years "high school", I consider them hell. But the last 2 years I spent in a new school were AMAZING. Especially senior year. I actually had a life, and I felt like we were just kings man... Wherever I went, I wasn't teased anymore, cause I wasn't by myself. And just let them mess with me, cause I felt awesome anyway and I had friends of my own who got my back. I was actually funny, you know? I mean, I dunno how to explain it, but it's been a while since I've last made a girl or anyone laugh out loud at something I say that's INTENDED to be funny. Now it's like I'm all self-conscious and insecure, the first person who laughs, even when I'm not sure it's about me, makes my head want to explode, and I get easily annoyed by everything...

 

I've come to accept what I am now and that I'll never be the same person again (I consider myself the loser version of my former self). I try to have fun, but it's hard sometimes. I basically think college is so hard, and all serious, and I just don't like it man. I'm aging like 20 times faster for some reason, and ALL friday nights are exactly the same. I'd say I want it to be over quickly, but now I'm scared of what comes next, so I guess I'm trying to make the best of this... I spent all summer really depressed, cause I knew this was what it was going to be like for me... To think it's gonna be this way for 4 years. They might go by fast and all that baloney, but I will NEVER get these 4 years of my life back which is sad... But what am I to do?

 

i just want everyone in highschool to realize what they have and cherish those moments and never let go. nothing can replace the friends and memories...nothing...

 

This is something I don't understand. These people who keep sayin "can't wait till I graduate" have no clue what they're talking about. I say don't live life in a rush, especially when you're in one of the good parts. Even before graduation I was already kinda sad I was gonna have to let go, cause I KNEW that I was gonna be where I am right now. So these people who call their school names and all that baloney... It bothers me cause in my opinion they have no clue whether they might end up like me or not. So I say cherish and appreciate where you are. It's what I, myself, am trying to do as difficult as it is even with all the nothingness that's going on in my life...

[hk87]

Honestly it gets better. I was in exactly the same position as you this time last year. I go home less frequently now, and everyone has moved on. You meet new friends, make new memories although you never forget what happened in high school. I didn't realise it then, but it was the best time of my life and I deeply regret not having enjoyed it as much as I should have. I was always so desperate to leave, but high school gave me the best friends ever, a routine and all the freedom to do what I needed. I do like University now I'm here and settled in, but I worry about what will happen when I leave- will I keep the few good friends I've made here? I don't know, only time will tell.

 

Keep positive though, it's the only way to get through this.

 

Good Luck, pm me if you wish. Hk87

[Stinkweed]

thats the thing, it not easy at all for me to make friends. i made a lot of friends since i played golf and 90% of everyone i went to school with for 12 years. i grew up with all of them...so i slowly made friends with everyone...im extemely shy. i cant talk to people. i have social anxiety disorder and it's very dificult for me to make new friends. i think that's why im so upset

 

I understand what you must be going through man... I know it IS hard man. Boy do I know! I'm basically in the only extra curricular activity I like and sure there are people I talk to and stuff, but outside I never hear from them, never see them, never even think about them. They're not friends per se, you see? Back in HS I did have my own group of friends with whom I could joke around and it felt so much better than now... I dunno whether I suffer from social anxiety disorder or not. I'm pretty shy too. Especially now that everytime I'm talking to someone, I can't help but feel from their tone that they think I'm a loser. I hate it. I used to not care about what people thought and I had the guts to just be myself around strangers and friends alike, cause I knew that even when I wasn't standing right next to them, I would be as soon as I saw them during lunch or between classes. Now it's like that sense of "safety" is gone...

[easyguy]

You have to come to accept the past, move on, and focus on the present. If you dwell too much on the past, the feeling will eventually rub off onto how you feel on a day-to-day basis. High school is just one chapter in your life. Surely you will find a greater dynamic of enjoyment when you get older and begin to really experience the world with depth. I miss my childhood, in the same way that you miss your high school years, but I've found new things to do, met new faces, and basically changed my perception on how to live life.

[Stinkweed]

And making new friends is HARD. Believe me, I'm already pretty much done with my first semester, which is when people are supposedly at their most sociable and when everybody makes the most friends... Not me.

 

Keep positive though, it's the only way to get through this.

 

That's true, but sometimes it seems so hard...

[shep88ner]

yea, i know exactly what your talking about stinkweed. i also had a nickname that i was given my freshman year by the seniors on the golf team. the ones i considered the coolest kids in the school at the time. and to my amazement, i still get called by it to this day. even people who have no idea where it originated from or why im called it, still say it to me. and yea, the whole being funny part. i was told so many times "you're hillarious!" and "it just wouldnt be the same without you!" and all this...i can make anyone die laughing if i know them and they're my friends. im trying really hard to overcome my shyness and fit in here, but it's a very slow process. im making advancements but at a rate in which i might have 3 friends by senior year! im going to a party tonight, by myself. i dont really feel too much like a loser because when im drunk, i open up to the real me, the me that people fell in love with in highschool. but i was thinking about it ealier. i got an email from university security saying there was an armed robbery right on campus last night at 8pm. it just so happens to be EXACTLY where this party is tonight. and im going there around 11pm, and comeing back around 2-4am. i got to thinking, i have nobody to watch my back. i have no friends who i can walk with. im going to be all alone, and terrified at that. i just remembed highschool, walking places with a group of 20 people, laughing and having fun...now im all alone and nobody knows who i am

[Stinkweed]

I can relate man... I walk alone all the time too and I used to go on friday nights downtown with like a group of friends, and it was awesome. I just don't feel like going anywhere by myself... Ideally, I should be out there. There's a party today in my school too, cause there's a game tomorrow night, but do I feel like going? Not really... I mean, it won't make much of a difference me sitting around by myself (and I KNOW nobody will want to talk to me, no girl will wanna approach me, it's not like it's happened in 18 years of my life anyway, so what's the point of going out if it's got the same results as sitting at home except I might actually have a horrible time thinking people are laughing at me and making fun of me. When I try to talk to them they make me feel like a loser, so I just wanna save all that trouble). So if I were you, I'd try not to stay in that place too late man... It sounds dangerous with an armed robbery and all...

[lusitana]

I skimmed most of this post and probably missed a lot of details, but....

 

On the day of my high school graduation I was so sad I stopped eating for days afterwards. It's not even like I had a great high school experience, it just wasn't terrible and I didn't feel ready for it to end. I got to university and had the experience of trying to insert myself into others' conversations and being looked at like I had three heads (looking back, it's pretty obvious they were local kids who all went to high school together and weren't as friendly as they looked). I made one friend in my first year and constantly thought about - and dreamed about - high school. I didn't hate university, but I missed the kids I grew up with.

 

It wasn't until after my second year or so when I was thinking, "If only I could go back to high school-" and suddenly caught myself and realized that was the LAST thing I wanted. Without even realizing it, I'd adapted and made new friends (although I'm still pretty awkward in general) and was doing quite well for myself, and suddenly understood how static I was in school (you know how reality shows have a small group of people and they quickly form their own society? That was my school, but dragged out over a decade).

 

 

I don't think there's anything wrong with missing high school, and I don't have any advice on how to adapt to university. It definitely gets better as you advance through your courses and get a cohort and start working together consistantly. I distinctly remember one of my last senior classes with one guy on crutches and another running from the back of the theatre to put a sign on his back while a paper ball whizzed over his head and thinking, "The further I get into this, the more it seems like high school all over again."

[shep88ner]

stinkweed, dude....me and you feel the exact same way in social situations. i have the ever burning sensation i am being judged in the most negative way possible when i talk to people. like, is my voice funny, are my ears too big, is my mouth moving oddly...all this. and when im in a crowded room, i have the feeling EVERYONE is staring at me, and judging me negativly. ive even changed the way i walk sometimes if i feel im walking weird and people are behind me making fun of me.

 

im going to the doctor for this, im about 500% sure it's social anxiety. maybe you should read into it. because me and you are really similar man

[Stinkweed]

looking back, it's pretty obvious they were local kids who all went to high school together and weren't as friendly as they looked).

 

Wow, that's so similar to my school. Most people are from around here, not me... And I saw that so many of them knew each other since like the first day of school too, so I'm pretty sure that many of them were high school buds. And I can't say that it would've been a much different experience anywhere else, cause some of my best friends were junior, so they're seniors right now in HS, and others just joined the marines or left the country. I'm not sayin that I want to be with them again, cause for that I'd have to find a time machine and that's just not possible. But I'm sayin, why can't I meet similar people like them, who got me?

 

But how do you make friends when EVERYBODY says "oh, you'll be meeting the most people during the first week/semester! It's gonna be awesome" but it's really not like that for me at all? It's like I know it's too late, but then again, looking back, I did the best I could anyway or at least I can't change what I've already done. And I tried introducing myself to people, but they had this uninterested tone like they would only answer with short replies to a question and had their own friends I saw them with. I feel pretty alienated you know?

[Stinkweed]

stinkweed, dude....me and you feel the exact same way in social situations. i have the ever burning sensation i am being judged in the most negative way possible when i talk to people. like, is my voice funny, are my ears too big, is my mouth moving oddly...all this. and when im in a crowded room, i have the feeling EVERYONE is staring at me, and judging me negativly. ive even changed the way i walk sometimes if i feel im walking weird and people are behind me making fun of me.

 

im going to the doctor for this, im about 500% sure it's social anxiety. maybe you should read into it. because me and you are really similar man

 

That's exactly what i feel sometimes. Like everyone's watching me... I SWEAR that 8 months ago I didnt' feel like that anymore. But now I've gone back to it...