'After' NC,then what next??????????

[herbal]

Ok guys been in NC for around a month now,dealing well with a very devastating break up,am actually getting over her(i had thot i wud never see the day!!!) it seems the NC really works!!!!!

 

BUT.....

 

I honestly miss the girl,well is it ok to say hi,what am asking is does the NC GO ON FOREVER OR DOES IT STOP somewhere,i wudnt mind us being buddies,even if not so tight.

 

Any advice coz am sure s-one has had this kind of situation before......

 

then,

Since NC is more of a psycho..warfare,who wins in the end?or whos the loser,coz i believe u may stay in NC so long such that u may lose out on an opportunity(whichever) with the person u hardly talk to!

[sparkle1]

No contact is to protect yourself from dealing with emotional overload.

 

No contact protects you and allows you time to come to terms with, and try and deal with what has happened with out the other person being in your life.

 

No contact is also about breaking 'routines'.

 

If you feel you can initiate contact without crumbling back, or ending up feeling c r a p then go for it.

 

No contact is individual, personally - 1 month isn't long enough.

 

Also - don't confuse getting in contact with "i miss her". You'll always miss her...even if you are friends, as you miss the part you'll not get back.

 

Sparkle xx

[herbal]

Thanx sparkle for the insight,i have realised i should give myself more time to heal,coz am not completely 100%,i miss her so much at times i think that wat drives me at times to think i should re-initiate contact.NC has been good to me,though i ussually have some moments i feel like crap wen i think of her.

well i guess i shud go for another round of NC!!!!!!!!!

[sparkle1]

I think its great you can accept you're not quite there yet...

 

Doesn't mean N/C is forever, just remember why you are doing it.

 

As you get stronger, the more able you will be to be able to cope with contact and potentially anything they may throw at you..

 

Good luck!

 

Sparkle xx

[insofar]

Many, many people have tried being friends (including me) and have found that it was too painful for them because they still had a lot of love for the ex that wasn't there on their part. I tried to be friends with her for nearly a month; I had to just say in the end that if she wanted to try again she should message me but otherwise I really couldn't take talking to her, getting false hope every now and again that really would never pan out.

 

Nobody wins or loses in the end; the idea behind no contact is that it helps you move on. There is a component of it that prevents you from pressuring the ex in any way, increasing the chances of them messaging you (because only they can make that decision, if they are the dumper), but that's a very small part. No contact is mostly about letting you heal as quickly as possible. Trust me when I say that if you still have feelings for your ex that they don't share, it will be painful when you talk to them.

 

When you think it would not be painful for you to just be friends with them, to know that they're happily with someone else, and that there is no chance of you ever getting back with them, then you can contact them if you want. You could now, if you really want to, but I'd be careful.

[vivia12]

sometimes i feel that the dumper wins,thats just me

[Optigan]

Since NC is more of a psycho..warfare,who wins in the end?

The house always wins.

[crookster_man]

I would say you win, because that other person has lost you from their life! You cut them off, so they lose the chance to be with you!

 

NC is about healing. So heal yourself, think positive and move on.

[Coyote9]

When you no longer care if you see your ex or not, then you're ready to break NC...but you won't care so the question no longer will even be of concern to you. Early on I think many of us hope that NC causes our ex's to ponder their fate without us, but the fact is, even if we are contacted, in most cases our ex's are only lonely or curious and the issues that caused the breakup remain. I have a lot of personal experience with breaking NC and reconciling, and I can tell you that it never got better. It takes two equally motivated, devoted and passionate partners to have a chance at making it. None of us would be here if that was the reality of our relationship. If you are a dumpee, keep walking as there's maybe a less than 10% of a reconciliation that might result in a long term relationship.

 

 

Heal up and find what you want someplace else. Concentrate your energy on yourself and on new people, not on a friendship with your ex, unless you breakup was so mutual that it does'nt phase you to be around them.

[tushboy]

I think for me NC is going to be forever. My Ex has already moved in with his Ex, and they are very happy together. I don't really see myself, even after being healed, going back to being friends with him. I wish him well, and am glad he's with the love of his life, but I would rather create my own pathway to my happiness. And he doesn't have to be in it, for me to be happy. I realise - somethings are just NOT meant to be. However simple that may sound, its TRUE

[BrokenAndSad]

My ex is practising NC with me but my problem is that she didn't gave my a definite NO,although I begged her to do just that.

 

What hurts me the most is that I asked her too see each other just one more time,she agreed and told me that she will tell me the time and the place tomorrow.

However,that was her last message.Do you think that is the right way to ignitiate NC?

What should I DO?

[crookster_man]

My ex is practising NC with me but my problem is that she didn't gave my a definite NO,although I begged her to do just that.

 

What hurts me the most is that I asked her too see each other just one more time,she agreed and told me that she will tell me the time and the place tomorrow.

However,that was her last message.Do you think that is the right way to ignitiate NC?

What should I DO?

 

Well do you enjoy playing games? if not that I would send her on her way. Why don't you dump her? clearly she is giving you grief. If she will not communicate with you. Perhaps it is time to walk away?