I just dont know what to do anymore... Advice please.

[Ikatu]

Hi everyone. I need some input and opinions to help me out here, because this situation that im stuck in is really playing with my emotions and its seriously driving me crazy.

 

To begin, ill say that i started talking to this girl i met on a dating website (i wont name which one, and it was also my first time attempting to find someone online) and this happened in the beginning of January 2006. We exchanged emails for about a month, then she gave me her phone number at the beginning of February 2006. We then began talking on the phone, and things were going pretty well. She warned me that it could take a while before she feels she's ready to meet me in person, but said she wont make me wait more than 6 months. I said fine, no biggie, im willing to wait.

 

We are now in November of 2006, have i met her in person yet? NO!! Why? I really dont know, i've tried. I ask every 2 months or so, just once, express how much i want to meet her and whatnot, and all i get is "Im not ready yet". I mean, come on... This is starting to get a bit rediculous. We have been talking over the phone for 10 months now, almost one year and she still isnt ready?

 

Now let me tell you exactly why this is driving me crazy. Because, we have talked plenty of times about when we meet up, were gonna do this, that, and we've expressed interest in being "more than friends" lots of times too. In fact, as crazy as this may sound, i have extremely strong feelings for this girl.. Yea, its strange because i've never met her in person, but she's told me that we seem to have a strong connection to each other, and i feel the same. Its getting incredibly hard to go on because of how much i feel for this girl, how much i care about her, but not being able to just get up and go see her, even once in a while is killing me! She just WONT let me meet her yet. And you want to know the worst part? I seem to be incapable of even having the slightest interest in another female. I tried going on a date once, and had ZERO interest in her. Why? Because i couldnt stop thinking about the one i havent even met yet. I just think about her morning, day and night. And i cant seem to stop myself from thinking about her either. The thing is, i've even asked her straight up, weather me and her are ever gonna end up together, because its getting hard and taking a long time, she tells me not to think that were never gonna be together, because we might.

 

Honestly, am i crazy for wanting to meet her as much as i do after 10 months? What i need is for some people to give me their opinions on the situation so that i can help myself make a better decision on what steps to take next.

 

Does anybody have any idea's of what i can try and say that might help my chance's of meeting her anytime soon? Or do you think that i should just try and give up all together and try to move on? Should i keep telling her how i feel and be very persistent on telling her i want to meet her? I honestly dont even know how the heck i should feel anymore. I just feel like im locked behind a door that only she has the key's for... I think its even starting to depress me, but i know once she utters the words "Im ready" it'll all disappear, but thats IF she ever says that. Im even losing interest in a lot of things that i loved doing, such as watching movies, listening to music, all because i just cant stop thinking about her. And she knows how much i think about her..

 

I really dont have the slightest clue what i should do. I just like her so much but i cant seem to get through to her. I almost feel like i shouldnt even bother telling her how i feel anymore because it never seems to do me any good anymore...

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

](*,)

[lizziebee]

Well my dear, as much as I admire you holding out to meet this woman, I do believe she may be in a relationship, married? Feels unsightly? Shy? Who knows why we women do what we do, but I think since time is so short in this life that you should maybe let her know that you will be going out on other dates...nicely of course.

My saga begins as this: I left my husband after 14 years of mrg. and moved back to CT from AZ (hometown CT). We are divorced no kids. I went on a website to maybe meet someone for casual sex, or occasional dating and met a lot of lets just say NOT MY TYPES! Then, one day I find that a man on this site is interested, I check it out, he has a picture, handsome as all get out, in front of his motorcycle, not afraid of em just never had any interest, so anyway, we meet have amzing mind blowing sex like I have been a virgin my whole life and we say the love word, it was so natural and such a relief for both of us. He needs a lot of attention. I give it freely because I do not lie to him. Thing is, he had quite the harem before me and even though, for the most part I feel he has told me everything, I feel this looming darkness over me as if something will take him away from me...Believe me I knew what I was getting into when I signed up for this web thing but I never thought I would be the seducer on the first date, AND fall in love?! I guess I feel like he may be using me to pump up his volume so to speak. Any responses from men would be welcome also!

[Ikatu]

Well my dear, as much as I admire you holding out to meet this woman, I do believe she may be in a relationship, married? Feels unsightly? Shy? Who knows why we women do what we do, but I think since time is so short in this life that you should maybe let her know that you will be going out on other dates...nicely of course.

 

Well i know for a fact she isnt in a relationship, nor is she married. She isnt really shy but she's very.... I guess cautious. She claims she gets hurt all the time by friends, and family and is scared to let anybody else in... Ok, so i say fair enough, but we are now at 10 months. I think after 10 months we'd be at a good level of trust considdering i've never done anything to betray her trust up to this point. Its just getting frustrating.

 

And as i said in the original post, i have tried dating another person but it went nowhere because the girl i've been talking to for 10 months just wouldnt leave my mind. She claims she really likes me and that crap but its really getting to me. Its funny, a few people whom i've talked to about my problem have all told me the same thing. Get out.. But its easier said than done. I tried to slowly fade her out, but it didnt work. After the 3rd day of not talking to her, i almost brokedown because of how much i missed talking to her.

 

The thing is, i dont think i've ever felt this way about someone before, let alone someone i've never met in person. And not knowing how long it'll take before she tell's me she's ready is making me slowly waste away. Its just, most likely one of the hardest things i've ever had to do, emotionally of course, and i just dont know what to do anymore, or how to handle it.

 

Anyways, i do appreciate your input very much. Anybody else?

[Batya33]

I met over 100 men through on line dating. My guidelines with very rare exceptions: I would not talk on the phone more than a few times before setting up a date to meet. Those phone calls would not last too long - i.e. under an hour for sure. If after a few phone calls there was no plan to meet, then, bye bye. You are in like with or in love with - for romantic purposes - the image you have of this woman through typing and talking. That's it. You have no idea whether you'd be compatible for romantic relationship purposes and the longer you delay meeting the more you each get unrealistic expectations. She is not interested in meeting and was never sincerely interested in meeting. By saying "no longer than 6 months" she may as well have said "no longer than 6 years."

 

Establish those rules for yourself so you don't drive yourself crazy or waste time on a computer or a phone.

 

With respect to the rare exceptions I made, in one case we IM'd and telephoned on and off for 6 weeks - midway through we made a plan that we had to cancel. By the time we met I definitely had raised expectations and it was terrible to have them - fortunately my expectations were exceeded - one of the best first dates I ever had. (relationship lasted 3 months).

 

It really doesn't matter why she doesn't want to meet - watch the feet (what she does) and not the lips (what she says) and there is your answer. Move on.

[Ikatu]

Hmm... You make some very good points there. Let me ask you though, should i bring these points up to her, and have a serious talk with her, telling her that if she doesnt meet me soon then im gone? Or should i just sort of "disappear"?

[Scotcha]

I would tell her nicely that you joined the website in order to find a relationship and you have since realized that you have come to a dead end and so you will be focusing your attention of meeting someone who has the same goals as you do.

[Batya33]

Hmm... You make some very good points there. Let me ask you though, should i bring these points up to her, and have a serious talk with her, telling her that if she doesnt meet me soon then im gone? Or should i just sort of "disappear"?

 

Tell her that on reflection you really don't want to spend more time typing and talking without meeting so if she is ever interested in meeting she can contact you but otherwise not to contact you.

[Ikatu]

Tell her that on reflection you really don't want to spend more time typing and talking without meeting so if she is ever interested in meeting she can contact you but otherwise not to contact you.

 

Yea that sounds like a good plan. I think what im going to do is give myself a limit to how long im going to wait, lets say January 5, 2007 (not telling her of course) and if she still isnt ready by that day, call it quits...

 

Thanks for all the advice everyone. Now i know what i need to do, since so many of you seem to have the same general advice.