i cant go any further

[foreverbroken]

thanks for the advice

[kombi]

Gday

 

Did your mother raise you properly? Did you feel she held on to tight sometimes?

[foreverbroken]

thankyou all for the help

[Daligal83]

I don't know how things work where you live, but in the US you cannot just take a child from their parents because you want to. You have to prove that there has been some sort of abuse or neglect. Can you get a lawyer to help you get him back? Also here, only the court can tell you when you can see your son and what you have to do to get him back. It doesn't seem legal that she can do this.

 

Maybe you can tell the court about the abuse you received as a child and the drug abuse you witnessed throughout your childhood? That could help you get him back.

[foreverbroken]

i dont understand it all, as far as i know it, the reason she got the order against me was because she told them he was in emaotional harm, that he was depressed, i dont know how it has all happened either

[Beec]

You need legal help.

 

Committing suicide is not any answer to any of your problems. If you need help dealing wihtt hat, then get it. Your son will need to know you love him and want to see him. If you are not there, he won't know. Don't give up, fight for him. Keep fighting for him.

[kombi]

That may explain why your mother is so possessive. Calling you up to 4 times daily is a clear indication. You may have a case to bring up with her. Why is she looking after your child after years of drug abuse? She is certainly not the best role model.

 

How is your son taking all this in? Does he understand what situation he is in?

Have you spoken to him about how he feels about you?

[Daligal83]

Like I said, I only know how it works here, but in that case county workers would come to your home and evaluate if that is the truth or not. If it is, they would provide you with resources and tell you what you have to do in order to keep your children. They would never allow your mother to just keep your son because she wants to and give you orders about how to keep him. Can you get a lawyer to explain to you what is going on?

[Ash]

This seems wrong. You need legal help. I'm not at all sure how there could be a ruiling against you when you were not represented in any way in the preceedings.

 

If nothing else, you should have been sent your own copies of the court papers, not got copies of the ones she already has. If (and I assume you were) his legal guardian (by virtue of being his mother) before all this started I simply fail to see quite how this could happen.

 

Like others are saying, you'll have a much better idea of where you stand when you get some legal help. Is there a reason you can't / won't do that? Don't go on your mum's say so. There's a lot more to these things than the victor of a custody battle might have you know.

[foreverbroken]

my mum has been on benefits all my life, never worked. when i brought my son over here, my partner had a full time job, a car, and ownes the three bedroomed house, i was looking for a job. now nothing, all this has been a huge strain on everything, and i dont have a clear mind anymore.

[Bethany]

You need to get back there ASAP. Don't even risk that happening. Be there, be strong, be everything you possibly can be... but don't walk away now.

You are NOT too weak to fight on, you are not to weak to keep fighting, you are his mother, you love him very much, you CAN get back there and be there for him. Don't give up.

 

Move back to where he is permanently, I feel it is a small price to pay for your son to know that he will never lose you, that he IS the most important thing in your life forever and you will ALWAYS be there for him, no matter what. tell him today that you are on your way and will be there as soon as you can.

 

If you don't, you are risking more than you know and will have deep, deep regrets in the future. GO BACK NOW and be there for him HOWEVER hard it may be for you right now. Do not give up on him, he needs his mum.

[Scout]

Hi, foreverbroken...welcome to eNotalone! You've come to a good place.

 

I am going to be very honest. There are some things in your original post that gave me pause for thought...that made me see perhaps there might be *some* legitimacy to your mother's concerns. However, it's also very clear to me you love your son. What gave me a bit of pause was this:

 

if he was so unhappy would he not have come to me and said something? such as tell me he wanted to go home to his family?

 

No, not necessarily. At six years old, his age at the time, many children do not have the cognitive and emotional ability yet to clearly express their feelings. As a parent, you have to really be able to detect this stuff, and try to draw them out.

 

Now, to address your mom's actions...given your mother's own parental history, she probably is trying to overcompensate for poorly parenting you by trying to make things "right" for her grandson. Basically, to fix her own mistakes from the past. If you don't think she feels guilt for that, you're very mistaken, hon. Even if she hasn't or won't admit it to you. She does, and she will probably carry that with her always.

 

Here is what I suggest: at the moment, you can't control what's happening. However, you can dedicate yourself to becoming the parent you want to be, the one you might have completely been if you'd only had a good role model when you were a child.

 

I suggest you look into parenting classes. And you and your partner should both take them.

 

If you choose to commit suicide instead...you're giving up on yourself and your son. Please, hon...don't do that. That's going to cause your son to live with a terrible sorrow for the rest of his life, and believe it or not, your mother will be devastated, too.

 

People can and do change. Don't give up on yourself, your son, or your mom. Do what YOU can do to improve the relationships all around. Sometimes, no matter how unfair a card we're getting dealt, we just have to be the bigger and braver person and make more of the effort at first.

 

Start by taking a parenting class. Talk with your mom about what you're learning as you do it. Eventually, some of her concerns will likely be alleviated. She may have some groundless concerns. But again...and please don't take this harshly...she probably has a few with some real merit.

[foreverbroken]

hi thanks to all who replied. I was talking to my partner last night, he has been with me all through this, he knows about my past.

in all my sons life i have never had the oppertunity to raise him how i wanted to.

when he was 2 he fell down the stairs,top to bottom and my mum blamed me for that, i went into shock for two weeks,but was told i was putting it on.

i was never allowed to have friends, she told me she is the only friend i need in life. i have seen my dad 5 times in my life, and when i was 7 years old, he came into the house and tried to kill my mum, he left her for dead, bleeding,and i was the only one in the house.

i suffered mental abuse from mum all through my life and now have this deep, i dont know hard to explain, she has always had a hold on me.

I stood up to her once and things got worse.

everything i ever said or did was wrong, i lived with my grandparents mostly as she couldnt be bothered to take me to school as she was taking drugs instead.

she made me do things as a child, now i look back and realise these things were illegal.i was sexually abused at 6, and nothing was ever done, i was blamed for messing his life up.

I always knew i wanted to go and find a better life, and when i had my son i vowed not to raise him the same way as i was raised.

i had a chance to have a better life in the form of my partner, been with him for four years, he offered to let me and my son come stay with him til i got on my feet. my son had known him for 2 years, and they got on together. it all started when i told my mum a holdiday had been booked, my partner had booked a weekend away for my son, me and him. a week before i told mum that we were going, she told me im not thinking of my sons happiness and that if i took him for the weekend she would make my life a living hell.

its been said that my life sounds like a movie, so hard to believe.

the night before the holiday mum got on the phone to me, her voice sounded weird, she said if i took my son away for the weekend she would run me down in the street.

i couldnt take things anymore, the threats,the mental abuse, and i made a desision to move away, but still i didnt want to stop my son from seeing his family. the first time he goes to stay with her he never came back. im 25 years old.

[Ash]

I have to ask again, if you're mother has been this controlling and abusive of you over your entire life, are you actually definitely sure she has legally taken your son?

 

You need proper legal advice for the custody issue and the past issues in your life sound like they are very relevant.

[kombi]

her voice sounded weird, she said if i took my son away for the weekend she would run me down in the street.

 

Ok. Get legal help. It's clear to me your mother is completely controlling your life. It is time for you to get into the drivers seat

 

Tell your mother what is going to change. You are going to take back control of YOUR son and YOUR life. Do it the right way however... I'm quite certain with the right lawyer you can regain possession of your son.

 

Don't even think about committing suicide because that won't change anything! plus it will make me upset and i hate it when i start to cry..

 

I have been through that stage but have passed it fortunately. There is always hope so hold on to it.

 

Keep us informed

 

your friend, andrew