How do you stop loving someone?

[PhilliesFan001]

Hi, this isn't Delilah this is her friend I need some advice but I don't have an account on here.

 

I just wanted to know...when you're in love with someone, and you know that no matter how hard you try, the relationship will never work...how do you stop loving them?

 

I won't go into messy details but he and I can't be together. We just can't, it won't work. But I'm attached to, and quite in love with, him. And it's so painful and heartbreaking to know that no matter how much I care, and no matter how much he cares, the relationship will never survive. I want to stop caring about him and I don't know how to.

 

I know it takes time to get over somebody, but do you have any tips on how you personally have gotten over someone? I need help desperately. Thank you guys in advance xx

[blender]

It's okay to keep loving him, just do it in a healthy respectful way, say to yourself, "I love him enough to let him make his own choices even if they do not include me, and I will use this "energy" I'm feeling towards him and put it into MYSELF".

 

When love is the "right" one for you, FATE has a way of putting LOVE on our path once we make a CHOICE to be on our OWN PATH, YOUR OWN ROAD, making sure you a happy just being YOU, on your own, without seeking validation from the outside, like this guy.. he can not give you the love you are looking for, so give it to yourself... get on with YOUR life and look ahead, not behind you.. and before you know it, you will see the love you are looking for right in front of you.... it starts with the baby steps of letting go...

 

I know it hurts that you are not getting what you want so badly.. but sometimes in life we do not get what we "want" but we always get what we "need" and for right now this lesson on letting go, and having the class to respect his choices, and get on your own path might be exactly what you "need" to find your true love...

[Day_Walker]

Well I believe that you dont stop loving a person, if you ever really loved them in the first place. I think that over time, reasoning, new experiences and maturity we learn that there are some people who we love and some people who we love and it works out with.

[PhilliesFan001]

Thank you both for that..I guess you're right...I understand that it just isn't meant to happen and there's nothing I can do about it. Do you have any tips then, on at least making the pain go away? I feel like an * * * for saying so but I've been an emotional mess the past couple of days and it shows no signs of stopping.

[Day_Walker]

You have to find something that works for you. Some people like to get out of the house, find a new hobby, some turn to religion or spirituality, some read books. I think that if you are an emotional mess then you need to get out and do something that you enjoy, whether it is hanging out with friends, exercising or just trying something new.

[blender]

yes, I know that pain, it's like walking through cement, but do just that, keep "emotionally walking" through all this forward, you will build muscle.. self confidence, the maturity of "acceptance", this will make you very attractive, and you will draw wonderful people and love into your life. For today, write on a piece of paper, "I will no longer put energy into love that is not williingly and respectfully returned to me, that is what I want, deserve and give, so onward and upward".

 

You know how deeply you can love, this is valuable thing to discover in yourself... this pain you are feeling is just a sign of what a wonderful, hopeful, romantic person you are... this is beautiful..embrace it, and know that some day some wonderful, hopeful, romantic man will embrace it in you too.

 

Breathe, relax, and know that as much as you "feel" that this pain is never going to go away, remember the "fact" is it will pass..it will.. it's a bridge to a better you..

[krnswte143]

im in the same situation as u. bf n i broke up a week ago cus it wouldn work out we both love/care for each other but it just wouldnt work out.. guess it wasnt meant to be . im tryin to let go of this too.. try to talk to him (friendly way) to him last night. we talked a little..but it made me cry..so i know what i need to do.. its so hard i know what ur going through. i cry myself to sleep n wake up crying.. but if there is fate.. maybe if its meant to be.. u'll be w/ him again but don get ur hopes up though.. so i'l tell u... move on.. hang out w/ friends... do things u like..and then keep urself busy...and one thing u know.. ur already over him!!

 

it takes time to get over someone u love.. some takes weeks, months,, or even years. depedning on that person..

 

jus take care of urself and keep urself busy .. if u want u can PM me to talk ..cus seem like u and i are in the same boat

 

take care

[violingirl]

I know that I don't just stop loving someone. Even though my ex and I broke up nearly 2 years ago (he broke up with me for another woman), I know that I will always love him and believe that we belong together. He was/is the love of my life. We talk occasionally and he will do whatever it is that he is going to do, including staying in an unloving relationship with the woman he left me for. I wish that I had control of his actions, but I don't. All I know is that I still love him and miss him dearly.

 

I've gone on a number of dates since our breakup, but haven't met any man who has as much in common with me, as much chemistry with me and who understands me as well as my ex. I just know that he's the one, even though he hurt me badly. It doesn't make sense, it just is what it is.

[zippitt]

I have had to do this very same thing and today it feels good that I had the strength to do it.

 

I was in love with a girl, and for reasons I do not wish to get into, we could not be together. I loved her so much, oddly she felt the same and to this day I know we loved each other like most people only dream of.

 

I was just strong and explained to her why it could not be. I appeared strong anyhow, I cried and was depressed for about 6 months and she did the same for a while in our phone coversations.

 

Did I ever stop loving her, no, part of me still loves her, but part of me still loves all of my exes. You learn to tough it out and move on, and over time it just happens without trying. Now I look back and smile at the good times we shared.

 

I wont lie, there is nothing you can do but grin in bare it when you know you cannot be together, but as long as you can separate your head from your heart, you will be stronger in the end.

[Ash]

You don't stop loving somebody. Getting over it is really more a matter of learning to live with the feelings that are still there for them. Over time you come to realize that no matter how much you love them, and perhaps even they love you, it's just not a workable situation for whatever reason. Sometimes they don't love you and you learn to deal with the fact that you wouldn't have made them happy. Sometimes they do love you and you come to grips with the reality that there are often other obstacles that simply can't go away. Both the former and later have happened in my case. You simply have to move on, hope the best for the person you are leaving, and look forward in your own life for good things.

[AdriSnow]

I'm Trying to figure that one out myself