She loves me not

[11459]

We have been dating for 6 months. We still aren't boyfriend/girlfriend because for some reason she doesn't like that title. I say I love her, but it's not mutual. She says she "likes me a lot", but not love. What does that mean? Dating for 6 months? And I'm her only - how can i put this - person she likes that's a boy? Is it just me that thinks this is unnormal? We go to movies, stay out late at night, eat out, do stuff together, are together almost every weekend. She says that a boyfriend is a "whole nother level". I just don't get it. We kiss regularly and sleep in the same bed when we visit each other. Why am I getting giddy and regretful about getting into this relationship.

[CamaroJoe]

Because u need to break away ASAP and I'll tell you why...

 

NEVER tell a woman you love her before she does. NEVER NEVER NEVER!...now lucky for you, i have a solution. Tell her when you said you loved her, you meant it. But that you are not IN LOVE with her. But you love in the sense that if something bad ever happened to her, you'd be extemely pissed. Only say that if you want to save face.

 

Now by breaking away (and do this slowly, don't just stop talking to her like some jerk), it will make her realize her true feelings for you. If she misses you, then she'll pursue you. But if you're around all the time, it's not a good thing. Have you notice how different people act when they haven't seen a good friend in a while versus seeing them every day? Much more exciting...

 

Also, by breaking away, you show her that u are ur own person and u don't need her. This is also an attractive feature. When it comes to women dude, u have to be counter intuitive. Do stuff that doesn't make sense. Women are more emotionally lead and we are more cognitively lead which is why we can't totally figure them out. Hope this helps.

[PrincessJOA]

Tell her when you said you loved her, you meant it. But that you are not IN LOVE with her.

 

can you elaborate what you mean by this statement CamJoe? Whats the diff between telling someone that you love them, but its totally diff when you tell them you're IN love with them

[KileOriginal]

I don't know about these other approaches, but I would say to be honest with what you want and to make a stand.

 

Right now she is with you because she enjoys being with you, but she's not committed to you. This is bad cause some body else whom she also enjoys being around with may come along that could leave you with alot of heartbreak.

 

Tell her that you'r into her, that you like her, but that you want something more serious. Don't necessarily say with her, just say you want a serious relationship in your life. Then tell her that you don't feel like this relationship is going that way. Then tell her that even though you love being around her, that since things aren't going anywere that you need to move and find something more serious.

 

Then cut it off.

 

This will definitely force the issue with her and perhaps make her value your presense more.

 

The hard part is that if you go through with this you have to go through all the way. Let her know why your "breaking" with her and then actually do it.

 

If she tries to contact you, stay firm on your position, but let her come to you. If she doesn't try to contact you, well then you know it was already doomed.

 

Let her know what you want, and let her know that unless things go that way you feel like your wasting time. Keep your dignity and be willing to part. A man's only defence in a relationship is his willingness to leave.

[friscodj]

Welcome to ENA 11459! Hopefully you'll find some useful guidance here...

 

Well, let me tell you there are few things worse than telling someone you love them and not getting reciprocation. Maybe being chemically castrated and set on fire, but even that would be very close to the impact of the devastation of such a scenario.

 

And I have been there! Not the chemical castration and set on fire part (although I'm sure there are a few ladies out there who would cheer such an endeavor... but the unreciprocated "I love you" part. More than once actually....perhaps too many times...

 

My experience and surgical dissection of such situations tells me that you are in a "no win" situation here my friend. Sure you could pull the .44 Magnum of an ultimatum and it may work in the short-term, which I have done before, but my feeling is situations like this are better walked away from.

 

The reason is basically she is proverbially "just not that into you". Not only that, but it sounds like she is neither ready nor wants what you want in terms of a relationship. She wants her freedom, no strings, to do what she wants. This is the established pattern between you two, the carved path, the norm. Should you pull a disappearing act here, you both will feel grief and I think it will be the desire to avoid such grief or confusion of such with deeper feelings that will bring you two back together. And things will be great for a little while...but...invariably I have found and seen that things will slip right back into the established pattern you have right now, which is you pining for her, wanting a commitment and her avoiding this while reaping the benefits of having you right where she wants you without regard for your feelings. And since this either is eating you alive now or will soon do so, my advice is to start detaching emotionally and physically ASAP.

 

If she won't even commit to a situation you are handing to her on a freaking silver platter covered in roses, what on earth leads you to believe she will want to put on a hard hat and start doing real work to take this thing to the next level and keep it there?

[Day_Walker]

Well if you want to be bf/gf and she doesnt want that then you need to realize that you two have different goals for the relationship. If the bf/gf thing is something that you want then you need to realize that you wont get this from your relationship. The sooner you realize you arent going to get what you want the better prepared you will be to leave this relationship.

[11459]

Thanks for all your help guys. I'll pull the "disappearing act" and see what happens. It might take a while, but I'll repost if anything becomes of it.

[Momene]

I'd go with Kile on this one.