Tough situation with ex...stay or go?

[cobro]

Recently, my ex has come back in my life after breaking up with her boyfriend. I recently got out of a relationship also. Four months ago she dumped me to date her ex, which will always hurt me. So now we both find ourselves single. We have been talking alot everyday and hanging out almost everyday for the last week, keep in mind it's only been 1 week since she broke up with her boyfriend. So to me it looks fishy, almost like I'm rebound material for her. Before this week, we didn't hang out for four months! Now she claims that we are just friends, which I agree. A nice platonic relationship with the ex, nothing wrong with that. But sometimes she will do or say things that throw me for a loop. I asked her when we first started hanging out if she still has feelings for me, she does. She wants to go out to places with me, planning events and stuff. I asked her if she still loves me, she does. I asked her if she ever sees a future with me, even a small chance, she says yes. So for right now we are friends, but sometimes my feelings will overwhelm me and it's really hard to keep them in. I just keep reminding myself what happened before when she dumped me. I know she is not ready for another relationship, but I wonder if she will ever be ready for me, or see what she has in front of her. It's weird, we communicate like a couple, but we don't kiss, hold hands or anything like that. I keep reading into these things, thinking that just maybe we can be more someday. So my question is, should I stick around as her friend, continue to hang out, and have no hope? Or should I hope that something becomes of us, analyze everything as though she is trying to get back with me, and go for it? Just a note, all of my friends, her friends, my parents think that she is back for more than friendship, but of course she says she is not. Maybe she is just waiting until she's ready? What does she want? I don't know, please help if you can!!!

 

cobro

[jacobs]

IF SOMEBODY LOVES SOMEONE.THEY WILL DO EVERYTHING THEY CAN TO BE WITH THE ONE THEY LOVE....YOU DONT NEED FRIENDS LIKE HER......

[faeriechyld]

I'm glad to see you and your ex are getting along so well as friends, but I'm sorry to understand she is confusing you with her actions.

First of all, I must ask, what would you like to happen with this? After what happened between you, do you feel ready to fully trust her and rekindle your relationship with her?

Secondly, as you said, she has just gotten out of a relationship with her boyfriend. She could very well be on the rebound and that is not a fun place for you to be.

I suggest you remain her friend, but try to keep things plautonic and not strongly hope, but not dismiss the idea either, of getting back together. She needs time to heal from her recent breakup and you need to assure yourself of her intentions. Time is the best thing for this situation and I feel that with time, more things will come to light.

Best wishes.

[another mug]

hello mate - i've just posted a similar article to you 'is it right to run away from the pain' - & its sad to know other people are being forced through a similar thing.

 

my only word of advice is that i know how impossible it is to say no to an ex you love but as the person said above if she truly loved you she would do anything not to hurt you.

 

i fear that she might be doing this for selfish reasons as they obviously don't have your interests at heart.

 

as hard as it is leave it alone completely, and walk away - otherwise you could end up making a post like mine...

[cobro]

What I would like to happen would be for us to be platonic friends for a while until she's over this breakup, and then I hope she might realize what she has in front of her. I know it sounds a bit arrogant, but I treated her like no other guy could, and I know her like no one else. On the flip side, she knows me like no other girl does. As far as time frame for me wanting to be more than friends, only time will tell. I would like to hang out and do the "relationship" type stuff (no sex, holding hands, etc..., just hanging out) without the relationship, and do this very very slowly, to show her that I'm not after her. Hopefully after a long time of hanging out and regaining trust, mostly me trusting her, and getting to know eachother again, we can take the next step if possible. I know this sounds like a fantasy... On the other hand, if she doesn't realize what she has now, she will never realize it. Plus, as the previous poster says, if she really loved me she wouldn't have left in the first place. But that is in the past and I don't want to dwell on it, I would like to make a new start very slowly as to not scare her away. If I take it slow, I can see things that might make me change my mind. Does this sound like it's even possible with time? Or am I just dreaming? Don't get me wrong, I'm leaving my options open to dating others while being her friend, and she is welcome to do so also. It's just that in the long run, I think, my family thinks, my friends think, and her friends think we will end up together. Sounds crazy doesn't it?

[another mug]

hello mate - it sounds like you have made a decision on what you will do, and i wish you the best of luck and hope it works out - but please dont place all of your faith in this developing as you describe otherwise you will leave nothing for yourself if it doesn't work.

 

be realistic and be happy, but take care of yourself and your feelings first - you deserve it.