Broke up last night

[Massari]

hey all

 

some ppl might know my story.. some may not.. my gf of 6 months broke up with me last night.. because of a list that my sister wrote me to show it to my phsycologist. Apparently there is a need for me to see one. so basically she took the list as disrespect and putting her down (she had my email pass and all so she read it there). here is what my sister wrote:

 

What my family/friends think of me now:

• I seem not to care about much else other than my girlfriend and our relationship.
  
• I have no particular plans (academic or otherwise) for my future, i.e. for next week, next month, or next year.
  
• I have lost my concentration. I make many mistakes in my routine life. E.g. forgetting to lock the door, leaving the TV on etc.
  
• I don’t wish to discuss my problems; I don’t like to face them.
  
• I’ve started heavy smoking and occasional drinking as means to escape facing my current problems.
  
• I have wanted to have a girlfriend since I finished high school (i.e. at least 3 years) and that has been my major/only goal.
  
• This girl I am with right now is my second girlfriend and I think I’m in love with her. We talk quite frequently during the day on the phone.
  
• She has/values her friends a lot, and I don’t share that view. I don’t have many friends, and if she says she wants to see me, I would cancel all plans to be with her. But she, on the other hand, has abandoned me for her friends on many occasions.
  
• I buy expensive gifts for my girlfriend, because she is rich and values material things, and maybe because I need to convince myself that I love her by doing so.

I need to get myself together; prioritize my goals, and maybe be less available to my girlfriend. She seems to occupy my mind all the time, which could be why I don’t seem to get anything done, and study

 

 

 

she is upset now and her friends are telling me she still loves you so much and she needs sometime, I am sad but at the same time thinking mybe this is for the best. she did some mean things to me before but I always put up with it. I am sad but its a weird feeling.. feeling of denial and uncertaintly.. unbelief....

 

help.

[amtjrtcet]

oh honey, I think you need to take sometime to yourself. Seriously. Set some goals for yourself-that have nothing to do with a girlfriend. Work on your relationships with your family and friends. Work on you. Then, when all that is on the right track, then you can concern yourself with a "relationship".

[amtjrtcet]

BTW........did you ask your sister to right this list for you? Or is it what she thinks you need to talk to your psych about?

[Massari]

no NOT AT ALL.. my sister and mom think I should see one.. and she wrote that herself.. I didn't even know she wanted to write such thing.,,,she wrote it to me yesterday.. and I printed it and wentt o see one ACTUALLY..

[amtjrtcet]

Well, she is family and I'm sure she just wants to help you. Did your g/f know that your sis wrote that?

[Massari]

Well, she is family and I'm sure she just wants to help you. Did your g/f know that your sis wrote that?

 

 

no but she figured out from the sender's email which was my sister's ,she went through my email last night and found out about this.. got upset and cried.. then hung up... today I got a text from her saying this " This is how it has to be between us after what happened.. I am sorry"

[amtjrtcet]

well, I'd make one attempt to tell her it wasn't you that wrote the email. But if she doesn't listen then all you can do is accept it. In my opinion, if she's breaking up with you b/c of this list, then she was looking for a reason.

[Massari]

well, I'd make one attempt to tell her it wasn't you that wrote the email. But if she doesn't listen then all you can do is accept it. In my opinion, if she's breaking up with you b/c of this list, then she was looking for a reason.

 

believe me.. I told her that last night.. I DID NOT write that.. she did.. she feels hated my my family (thats what her friends told me)..

[Day_Walker]

I would not let her friends give you hope by saying that she still loves you. Just because she loves you doesnt mean that she is going to be with you. I think that this is going to be good for you because your relationship was immature and there were too many insecurities on both sides. Take this time to work on yourself so that you will be better prepared for your next relationship.

[ImThatGirl]

Aawww, Massari!

 

I'm so sorry to hear about the recent events.

 

I know how much she means to you; she is your life and every breath.

 

How did your appt go with the counselor/psychologist?

 

I'm sure she's feeling like "she" is a major part of all of this. In no way did your sister insinuate that she is responsible for this but I can definitely see why she'd feel responsible and choose to end things.

[Massari]

I just miss her now.. we talked everyday on the phone.. several time.. I KNOW THIS IS FOR THE BEST.. I know that.. I just feel so down now and sad.. can't do anything.. just sitting and smoking...

 

I already deleted her number from my phone ( though I know it by heart :S) I am gonna burn down her pictures,, and hopefully I can move on as good as I can)

[ImThatGirl]

I think this is normal Massari. You need to go through this. This will get you to a point that you need to be to get through this...

[lolz]

Do other people actually see that there is something disrespectful about that list because I don't? Especially I don't see this list to be the reason for break-up.

 

The break up is for good in your case because it seems like you were absolutely not happy in this relationship and she treated you very disrespectfully. Just let it go....

 

It's gonna be really hard for a while since break ups are never easy but you can make it! Try to concentrate on something else, quit smoking, sign of a gym or something, concentrate more on your studies. Hopefully the specialist will help you to get rid of those insecurities and confidence problems and you will never end up in such a relationship ever again.

[Massari]

apparently we weren't even broken up cause she was calling today alot .. every half an hour..

 

update... this is what I said to her.. for the first time in my life I took things in my hand and actually gave an ultimatum. This is the exact thing that I said and wow I CANNOT believe I said that and I am proud of myself. Finally acting like a man and not wus!!

 

 

“X we’re better off without each other, you hating my sister is not something I can take anymore, you just crossed a line here by disrespecting my family, so that’s it bye and have a good life” she called me right away saying what is wrong with me and why I am putting everything toward her now and why am I giving her an ultimatum. I said well you hang up on me and there is so much that a man can take. She said so what do you suggest, I said well you will not disrespect me or my family anymore and she kept answering yes ok, yes. It was time to put my foot down. I am deciding what to do with my life now, I was checking some of the possible colleges and programs that they offer.

 

I feel better now, cause obviously this girl has feelings for me if she didn’t she would have said ok bye and that was a test to see how she would react, she even liked me being firm like a man for once.

 

Just wanted to share that with everyone.

[finewhine]

Great, she still has feelings for you. Dude, who cares? You're doing something so much more important - looking at colleges. Recognize what a giant step this is! You're changing your life for the better! That's so incredibly awesome, and please give yourself a pat on the back!

 

I think that you are at a crossroads - you can bury yourself in the relationship and avoid what's important in life, or take life by the horns and make something of yourself. If I were you, I would not waste one more second worrying about this bad relationship.

 

I got some great advice from somewhere I'm not going to say 'cause it's embarrassing. OK, I read it in "O: The Oprah Magazine." Anyway, every decision with which you are faced, whether it's what to eat for dinner or whether or not to think about a girl who makes you miserable, every decision has an impact on your life. Think about it accordingly.

 

Will your decision matter in five minutes? Five months? Five years? If you patch things up with this girl, you might feel better for the next five minutes, but ten minutes later you'll be posting on this board about your relationship problems. If you focus on this girl to the detriment of figuring out which college is best for you, you'll be worse off five months AND five years from now. If you forget about this girl, you will be so much happier in five years.

 

Picture yourself five years from now, a college graduate, starting your career. How exciting! That's where you want to be! Now picture yourself five years from now if you make the wrong decision because you were worried about a girl who makes you sad - you won't have advanced or will have chosen the wrong path.

 

Focus on yourself and accomplishing your goals! DO IT! I have faith in you!!!

 

Bonus: choosing and applying to colleges is a great distraction from the pain of breaking up!

[Massari]

I am wondwering whether I made the right decision or not by staying with her? I know by taking things in my hand its good. but what if all the cycle starts again?? stuff she does..like it shouldn't but if she is afraid of losing me it should stop at some point.

[lolz]

Just because you said that phrase(which was necessary in that case to say anyways) that does not mean you are in control now. I totally agree with the poster above that it's better to look in the future and make descicions that's gonna make you happy your entire life rather then sticking to something that is meant to die anyways. From the previous posts, it seems to me that your relationship is just not meant to be. Why did you decide on the first place that now everything is gonne be all good since you got back together, and why do you think she is scared to loose you now? Maybe there are other reasons why she sticks to you because I don't see it possible for this girl to love you since love has to come with respect...without respect there is no love, it's an essencial step. And her actions show 0 respect for you.

Look at your other posts, they all end the same...and then the new cycle starts with the new post. What makes you think this time will be different? You clealry don't learn from your mistakes and get trapped in same situations over and over again.

[Massari]

OMG

 

the cycle.. her acting stupid again.. acting gay.. for a STUPID PALM TREO. I don't have a lot of money. I bought her a lot of things.. a $300 digital camera a 50 dollar make up kits.. movies I pay, dinners I paid.. i do what I can to make her happy and yet she still wants more.. and when I can't get it.. she gets mad.. like what the hell????what am I supposed yo do.

 

13th is our 6 months.. she said that I ruined it???? I said your acting crazy and gay.. then she says thank you for calling me that..

 

then she text me "fu your a jerk!"

 

I have like 1000 dollars on my VISA already.. I want to pay that off and then spend again,

 

I can't take this crap AGAIN.

[lolz]

Wow! Ok, now it's quite clear to me why your girlfriend still sticks to you.

Honey, she definitely doesn't love you and this is so obvious from her behavior! She loves gifts!! I really don't get guys who stick to girls like that.

 

I guess no one can really help you on this forum because it seems like you come here to hear that everything is alrigth and your girlfriend and relationship are fine but they are NOT. Look how many ppl find your relationship being horrible and advise you to separate...and the most important person is your Mom. I really don't get why you are ruining your life with the girl like that.

[lolz]

I can't take this crap AGAIN.

 

The why are you taking it? constantly

[Massari]

Look how many ppl find your relationship being horrible and advise you to separate...and the most important person is your Mom..

 

my mom.. my sister.. my best friend, his gf who is one of my close friends, my sister's close friend ( who is one of my good friend) they all say it.

 

why am I with her? cause maybe I am desperate? fear of being single (something about this,, when I am single and I see couples it intimidates me.. why? I don't know)

 

I did get her that palm treo today.. ordered it on ebay,,,its gonna arrive by her bday. but I am seriosly thinking of leaving this woman.. and maybe use the palm for myself after all!!!

 

I really don't know why do I feel so inconfident. feel like she is cheating on me when she is not talking to me.. and friends tell me noo man.. she is ugly to cheat on you.. trust me you are waaaaayyyy better than what she can get,, you treat her like a godess, and do so much for her. like i know I am good looking (not a model, but attractive,, take care of myself)

[lolz]

So she is not even that good-looking?

I hightly advise you to end this realtionship!! Don't let her do it now as she always does but do it youself and never come back to her even if she is gonna cry. Stop torturing yorself and your family because they are definitely worried about you for getting yorself involved with...a gold-digger?

Trust me, loving girlfried woud never ever ever tell bf "FU" and call him a jerk just because she didn't get what she wanted right away. Loving girlfriend will always take into consideration that you have financial problems and need time to earn some money.

 

I'm sorry but this phrase you have as your signature doesn't match your case anymore because it's not two people who love here but only one and the other is simply a user.

 

I relalized something was wrong with your girlfriend long time ago because the things she says and the way she disrespects you just can come from the loving girlfriend. So i kinda figured that she is either not very good-looking(which comes with bad personality as well=spoiled, egoistic,rude, etc) or she is simply into money. I guess you case includes everything!! So it this case you have only one choice and it's to run away from her and never look back.

 

On top of that so many of your friends and family agree that something is wrong with her, not just people from this website.