Troubled by her past...

[haas]

I've been dating this girl for almost a year now. We're in love. I would do anything for her and she would do likewise. I'm a bit of a jealous boyfriend, but it's something I at least recognize and we have been working on it one step at a time. Anyway, after a few months of dating her I had heard some rumors that she used to be somewhat promiscuous. This didn't really bother me until her and I began to get more and more serious. Currently we are about as serious as it gets (no not engaged) and I finally got her to speak out about her past.

 

She told me her list and it was rather extensive. I handled it pretty well at first. At least to her face anyway. But now that I know about all the men she's been with it REALLY bothers me. I hate the thought that MY girlfriend used to be like that. Don't get me wrong she's a great girlfriend aside from that. When she's out at parties without me*, all I hear from friends and such is that she is very loyal to me and is quick to bring me up in any situation where other men may try to hit on her and what not. *(temporary long distance relationship)

 

My question is: What can I do to not let her disturbing past bother me so much? I am trying to think of something to tell my self everytime I get bad thoughts about it, something that will make it "okay" in my mind, but nothing seems to work.

[irish girl]

The bottom line here is that if you love her and if she is good and loyal to you then you cannot judge her on her past, Almost EVERYONE has some skeletons in their closet. She opened up and told you everything which is great as it shows she is open ad honest with you, If i was you I would be thinking of it not as " my girlfriend used to do that " more like my girlfriend treats me really well and is faithful to me, isn't that all that matters?

[confused70]

HOw's about with a selection of guys available, she chooses to spend time with you. THat makes YOU special.

[TheRedQueen]

Well, you can start by realizing that it is not her past that is disturbing, but rather that it is *you* who is disturbed by her past.

 

I ask you this, what did she do that was so "wrong"?

 

I've found that sexually experienced girls are often labeled, unfairly mind you, as being "promiscuous". When a girl is single, safe and responsible about it, there is nothing inherently wrong with, or about her choosing to be sexually adventurous, nothing.

 

She has been nothing but a loyal and loving girlfriend to you, and at least in my opinion, that is all that should really matter.

[haas]

The bottom line here is that if you love her and if she is good and loyal to you then you cannot judge her on her past, Almost EVERYONE has some skeletons in their closet. She opened up and told you everything which is great as it shows she is open ad honest with you, If i was you I would be thinking of it not as " my girlfriend used to do that " more like my girlfriend treats me really well and is faithful to me, isn't that all that matters?

 

i suppose.. that makes it a little better but at the same time that doesnt stop bad thoughts from popping in my head when I see one of the guys she's been with. Im just constantly reminded of it...

[haas]

Well, you can start by realizing that it is not her past that is disturbing, but rather that it is *you* who is disturbed by her past.

 

I ask you this, what did she do that was so "wrong"?

 

I've found that sexually experienced girls are often labeled, unfairly mind you, as being "promiscuous". When a girl is single, safe and responsible about it, there is nothing inherently wrong with, or about her choosing to be sexually adventurous, nothing.

 

She has been nothing but a loyal and loving girlfriend to you, and at least in my opinion, that is all that should really matter.

 

you make a good point.. i think you're right. females are all too often wrongly labeled for such things.

 

but aside from the label, whether what she did is promiscuous or not, the thought that other men have had my girl drives me INSANE!!!

[LimeGreen]

Let me ask you buddy,

 

have you not had sex yourself?

 

If your answer is no, then you have no right to feel the way you do. You weren't in the picture when she was experimenting sex with other dudes. You need not worry about her past but your future with her. The past sexual partners of one does not determine who they are. And it shouldn't influence you and your feelings for her. In fact, be glad that she is with you and calls you out when other men are trying to hit on her. You can't ask for a more loyal girl, dude.

[TheRedQueen]

Does it make you insane because it is "threatening" in essense?

 

When you think about these guys, are you wondering if they were perhaps better than you at pleasuring your girlfriend?

 

I'm no psychoanalyst, but perhaps this is what's driving you to feel so jealous.

[CarnelianButterfly]

You can't expect someone to be loyal to you before you are even dating. People don't magically pop up with out a past, if you want to be with someone you have to take all of them. Why does it bother you that she's been with other men, she wasn't your GF, she may not have even known you? She was doing every thing with in her right and if that meant she slept with other men, so be it, haven't you been with other women?

[Dako]

I'd prefer a GF with a past like that than one with a present like that.

She's into you. Live in the present.

[Magpie 1974]

Hi Haas,

 

Pray for all the things you would want for yourself - peace of mind, freedom from obsession, happiness, love etc. to be given to your girlfriend and each one of those guys.

 

Every day.

 

The jealousy will disappear.

 

Mags