I hate her, he loves her

[babyphatbabe_05]

I've heard the expression it's ok to look but not to touch before, but I'm recently discovering that the looking doesn't feel so great either. There is this girl, and for reasons to be explained, I am extremely jealous of her which, at times, evokes hate. My boyfriend, of a little more than 9 months now, looks at her provocative little pictures on myspace often. He does know her and does talk to her. Sometimes I don't always approve of the subject matter, like sexual consent laws when she is/was a minor. He has yet to go visit her and the 3-hour drive from him to her makes me feel a little better, but it still hurts, a lot. I feel like a hideous girlfriend that he'd give up in a heartbeat to this young girl. I feel like nice people really do finish last. I'm a good person, I volunteer at an animal shelter on my days off, I almost always give to charities when they ask, and at work I give the elderly a free dry after their haircut because it's cold out, the company requires they pay. Is nice not attractive? I feel like he only says he loves me cause I'm all he can get right now, and she's always in the back of my mind sneering because I can't help but think he has feelings for her. I have talked to him about if, even included most of what I said here, but obviously to no avail. Can any of you lend a word of wisdom?

[adideas]

You sound like an amazing person. One who has someone just as amazing waiting for her to be announced at just the right time. I hope you're not still with this guy when THE ONE shows up because he may shrug his shoulders and say, "oh, well. she's taken" and go find someone else.

 

Life is short. You are young. If you don't trust this guy then don't stay with him. If you get hit by a bus tomorrow will you be glad you spent 9 months of your life with him?

 

YOU are amazing, cute, kind and giving. You DESERVE just as amazing of a guy. They are out there. Just keep your eyes and your heart open.

[Helen67]

It's awful isn't it when hate ends up playing a role, don't worry there, you are definitely not alone!!

 

I have to agree with adideas here, that you should get yourself out of there, and find someone who will really appreciate your lovely character.

 

If you stay with him, you bitterness will only engulf you, and leave you slightly scarred for the future. Get out while you are still capable of making a sensible decision, don't let him dump you!

 

Sounds like your b/f should improve his morals, but you shouldn't be the one to have to guide him, let him get burnt, by this hussy, and no doubt others, but not with you by his squalid side..

 

All the best...Helen

[robowarrior]

Its a very dangerous remark to say your 'good' , it would be wise to refrain from that. Your saying that to boost your self esteem tho, can't blame you for that.

 

Look, the grass is always greener at someone elses place. Yep this girl has it all, she looks better then you, she has this and that and guys are attracted to her as flies to cow dong.

 

The fact is, you are you and not her. And you have to deal with your own situation. And for me its personally like this. If he doesn't consider you as his nr.1 id kick him out.

 

Trouble however is that you have to understand that if someone else is beautifull they wil get attention, even if i was with my gf, i could still look at another woman thinking wow she is really beautifull. But it didn't mean that i didn't love, or was dishonest with my gf. So unless he really cheats on you, i would stick with innocent until proven guilty.

 

So no matter what look, you need to do is to be satisfied with what you have. Otherwhise you'd go crazy on jealousy of what others have, which is really senseless because you only have yourself. Being beautifull from the outside doesn't mean your beautifull from the inside, and sometimes beauty cannot adore either. Basically what you are discovering is that loving someone purely on how beautifull they are is actually something very disgusting. You can see how unfair it is how beautifull people seem to get attention, reality however is that in this shallow world we cannot see the true beauty of a person, and look onto surfaces instead of looking within.

 

Instead of worrying about it, i think it would be better for you to continue to stay a loving and helping person, who isn't jealous of what others have. You see, in the time that you wasted on looking how other people's grass looks greener, you forgot to take care of your own grass. So stop the senseless jealousy, and work to make your own grass green. Everyone must stand on their own, and you thus you don't have to be jealous, this because it means that everyone has to EARN what they RECEIVE in life. Everything you see that someone else has, it correctly corresponds with their life's agenda's.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Can I ask you something??

 

What do you like about HIM?

 

What does he do for you? Not in the sense of waiting on you or buying you stuff, but in the sense of emotionally etc.

 

What is stopping you from finding someone who is on your level of kindness, and would appreciate you?

 

I'm not saying he's a bad guy. He must not be to attract someone like you, but it is clear to you, and everyone here that he is maybe not the guy for you.

 

What do you think?

[Hope75]

I'm curious too- what HE has to bring to this relationship. I read alot of excellent and commendable qualities about you, but nothing about him except that he leers at another girls' pic on myspace, that he discusses somewhat inappropriate things with her, and that he's considering driving 3 hours to see her?

 

Exactly what sort of relationship do they have?

 

And where do YOU fit into all of this?

[pregnantkitty_1985]

How disrespectful! And he clearly doesn't even try to hide this from you! Girl, he's got no respect for you at all, and clearly is intrigued by this young girl. He's playing with fire. How old is he and how old is this girl?

 

What are your reasons for tolerating him looking at pictures of other girls and talking to them inappropriately? Out of curiosity.

 

I wouldn't trust him, sounds like he's already cheating, even if he's not committed it phsyically.

[Jayar]

Okay, put her aside for a moment. You have no reason to hate her. She doesn't owe you anything. She cannot take him from you if he does not let himself be taken, and if he does then he wasn't into you to begin with. Is it possible he's just settling for you? Yeah! People do it all the time. Personally in your situation he'd have been gone the second I noted discussion between them suggesting sex.

 

Let me ask you, does he make you feel special and valued each and every day?

 

Does he DO things to show you that he loves you (saying it doesn't count if he doesn't back it up with actions)?

 

Do you get the feeling from him like he can't get enough of you, and wants continually to take your relationship to the next level (whatever that may be... exclusivity, moving in, marriage)?

 

Do you feel like YOU are the one doing all the work to keep his attention on you?

 

Only you can decide if this relationship is worth hanging onto. But know this; IF he isn't pulling his weight now it WILL get worse and this relationship WILL end. It will just feel a whole lot better if you walk away with your pride intact than it will if he eventually does leave you for some chickenhead. Fact is, he'll keep you around as long as you're willing to be kept around. And it's not about nice girls finishing last... It's about not being a doormat.

[babyphatbabe_05]

I have to be honest other than gawking at this girls pictures that is it. He takes care of me when I'm sick, we usually have fun together, if I can't pay all my half of the rent he takes care of it for me, he makes sure my car is in working (which is a huge chore in itself), and he wont let me leave for work with out giving him a kiss (no matter how mad I might be at him). Emotionally, he just makes me happy. I want to be near him and I want to talk to him. I love the way he makes me feel...usually.... when I find things about this Internet girl I feel like trash, that's the only exception. Have I answered all the questions... nope... As far as taking our relationship to the next level, we live together and it's kind of plateaued there for now. And the age gap between him and her is she's 18 he's 23. Supposedly there "friends" and I fit nowhere in this relationship between him and her, in fact I think if he had it his way I wouldn't even know. As far as trust goes, I don't trust anyone. There are reasons for it, but I frown upon "playing the pity card". I will say this though, what happened to me happens to far too many young ladies, unfortunately. I think what it boils down to is maybe I'm over reacting about this, but it hurts and he doesn't care. No matter how many times I ask what she has that I don't or what I can change to make myself as attractive to him as she is. He always says nothing, your perfect the way you are. If that's so than I guess I just don’t understand why he has to constantly gaze at her.

[Hope75]

What really concerns me about this is that he is stepping over the line with his "friendship" with this girl, he knows it hurts you, and he does not care, and does not take your feelings into consideration, and will not stop or tone down the "friendship".

 

It may be one thing that is not so good, but it's one very big thing that does not show respect for you or your feelings.

[AwdreeHpburn]

So...................you've been cheated on I take it?

 

BY HIM?? Cos if that's what's going on here, I think you have reason to be skeptical about his "looking" at a girl's picture.

 

If not him, your general distrust is understandable although a bit unfair to him.

 

If cheating is NOT the issue, the point is if you've told him how it makes you feel, asked him to just not do it and he continues to, it's just really sort of, disrespectful - and that's not cool. You guys obviously need to talk about THAT part of it.

[babyphatbabe_05]

unfortunately being cheated on was not what I was referring to. Upon breaking up with my last ex, I was raped and that is reason for my general distrust... and I find it alittle harded to overcome than the distrust being cheated on can leave one with, having experienced that as well. But yes I certianly agree that we need to talk about the disrespect that his actions are causing.