my best friend is having problems

[sparkly]

I want to help her but i can't really. She is with someone and has been since 7 months ago. He treats her bad and if things don't go his way he will threaten her and tell her that if she does something he doesn't like he will leave her. He also tells her that he loves her one day and then won't talk to her for the next week coz he's cracked it about something. If you really love someone you wouldn't be acting the way he is, would you?I love my best friend and i think she can do so much better.

[RelaxByWater84]

You know I have a friend like this: Stays in abusive relationships. I know she can do much, much better. I wish she would do better. It just really hurts me to see her being treated badly. She is an adult and will make her own desicions. I can't help that chooses bad men to have relationships with. I wish I could, but I can't.

 

You are not the only one.

[MetallicAguy]

I don't think anyone deserves to be involved with someone like that. Tell her to dump his ***.

[n83]

Honestly the best thing you can do is not say "you can do better" but rather something like:

 

"I've noticed some unhealthy patterns in your relationship and I'm worried this may be taking a toll on you .. If you ever need a friend to talk to, don't hesitate to call me up" ..

 

Until she's ready to end the relationship, there isn't much you can do besides let her know that you're there for her. In the end, if she decides for herself she can do better, she'll know that your support will be available to her.

[Helen67]

Honestly the best thing you can do is not say "you can do better" but rather something like:

 

"I've noticed some unhealthy patterns in your relationship and I'm worried this may be taking a toll on you .. If you ever need a friend to talk to, don't hesitate to call me up" ..

 

Until she's ready to end the relationship, there isn't much you can do besides let her know that you're there for her. In the end, if she decides for herself she can do better, she'll know that your support will be available to her.

 

Absolutely the best way, and do not say too much against her b/f, she may resent you for this.

 

n83, has said it perfectly, make it clear you have noticed things aren't right, but leave her come to you. If she feels you are interfering, she may get very defensive. Deep down she may know you are right, but her pride may cause resentment toward you.

 

I know it's hard, I've been there myself. The worst is when you have your friend (if she does) crying on the phone/at your home, telling you all the bad things he's done, but will not hear your sound advice. One time after my friend's b/f wrote off their car cos he was drunk, the car she paid for, and is still paying for, she pays for everything. I said to her, that she should kick him out, she burst into tears, and said she didn't want to live alone, and what should she do without him..blah blah blah. She basically was offended at my attitude, can't win eh?

 

That was the last time I ever said anything against him. But I also refuse to listen to her whining about him, she made her bed, she can lie in it!

 

All I'm saying is be careful with tact, but stay supportive, for the hopeful day she will leave him.

 

All the best...Helen