My father is not my father in my eyes

[xtina]

No I'm not adopted - just to be clear, because the title can be misleading.

 

This is more of a ranking thread. But the issue is this; parents are divorced, and lived alone with my father since I was 6. We used to have a great relationship, until I started to be depressed, self-injured and was suicidal. But that phase is over, and now I'm completely fine. Fine? Well, I have to admit my paranoias and phobias has increased. Phobias of closed places for example.

 

But the case here is that I have phobia with men generaly - not every single men, and it's not sucha big phobia, but it's more that I'm not confortable with men in my room, or walking near me, touching me, hugging me... you name it.

 

My father is already in his 50's, and each day he digusts me even more. Normal? I don't think so. I have no one to really rank about this, because my friends don't have the same kind of past that I had with guys/men.

 

Anyone has felt this? Ah, I wish there was something I could do to change these feelings. But I just can't help it... at least I'm going to go to another country (uni) in around a year - which is good!

 

Any comments or advices to control these feelings?

[rocio]

I think this is sad. Has your father hurt you in the past? He's taken care of you since you were little and that must have been a huge sacrifice on his part, as parenting is always a sacrifice.

 

Maybe it would help to tell us what disgusts you about him.

[amtjrtcet]

I think this is sad. Has your father hurt you in the past? He's taken care of you since you were little and that must have been a huge sacrifice on his part, as parenting is always a sacrifice.

 

Maybe it would help to tell us what disgusts you about him.

 

Yeah, tell us a little more so we can understand

[xtina]

yeah sad and stupid - can't help it, and he doesn't diserve it. My father is like the oposite of my mother - she used to shout at me and hurt me and all, and my father was always there to protect me. However, my step-father did in fact hurt my mom, and i hated being alone with him, because i was so scared.

 

Everything disgusts me about my dad; the way he eats, talks, walks and breaths.. its very unfair and i feel so guilty. Over the years i have tried to not care about these little things, but i can't do it anymore.

 

so what im trying to say is that because of my past with my step-father and other guys who have abused me, and because i was always independent, did everything alone basically - i grew up fast and all - i see my father as any other 50 year old single man who wants a chick. And this thought, this feeling, makes me digust him - but i partly know that he is not like that...

[rocio]

Well some people can just have bad habits, and you shouldn't beat yourself up over this.

 

I doubt that there's much you can do to prevent yourself from feeling this way (other than perhaps working on your relationship with him).

 

Just try not to let him know how you feel. You are leaving home soon and will not have to deal with this on a regular basis. Imagine how guilty you would feel if you snapped during this last year and hurt his feelings. Try to ride it out and look forward to the fact that in university you can meet pleasant, well mannered nice guys who won't disgust you!

[rocio]

Oh, and therapy might help with your issues about men. But that's such a generic answer, so I guess you've probably thought of that already.

[clemons]

F*** your father. He doesn't matter and you don't need him. He had sex, you were born. You are barely any more like your parents than you are like a chimpanzee (almost all the genes are the same). Yeah he brought about your life, but that doesn't mean you owe him anything, or that a father is necessary for emotional development.

 

You have everything in you to do great things. To be great. So do just that, be your best, and don't worry about what ANYONE THINKS. People are nefariously stupid (if they weren't stupid I wouldn't have had to use the *'s at the beginning of this article) so you can only really count on your own intuition, thoughts, and experiences.

 

Culture is for people with no creativity.

Religion is for people who have no faith (institutionalized religion).

Family is for people who have no self-love.

 

Or in other words

You don't need to exist in a society to be productive.

You don't need to belong to a church to worship a diety.

You don't need the love of a family to be happy.

 

Everything you feel is natural. You can't help but be how you were born, and just because you might have once thought family is important does not mean that you have to always think that way. Don't depend on friends, but never regret leaning on other people, because sometimes you need to lean on someone else until you are strong enough to stand on your own.

 

Oh, and there is nothing wrong with wanting to have sex with every girl you see.

[rocio]

F*** your father. He doesn't matter and you don't need him. He had sex, you were born. You are barely any more like your parents than you are like a chimpanzee (almost all the genes are the same). Yeah he brought about your life, but that doesn't mean you owe him anything, or that a father is necessary for emotional development.

.................

 

Family is for people who have no self-love.

 

Or in other words

You don't need to exist in a society to be productive.

You don't need to belong to a church to worship a diety.

You don't need the love of a family to be happy.

 

 

Are you okay? I don't mean to attack you or anything, but you might really need therapy or something. You sounds excessively angry.

[justpaisley]

You may have some underlying anger toward your father for not "saving" your mother from an abusive relationship.

[xtina]

yeah you do sound angry...

 

Thanks for the comment and all.. but what?! Among the many things you said, the weirdest one was the last one - there is nothing wrong with wanting to have sex with every girl you see - where did you get that from?

[rocio]

You know, you might also just find his habits really gross. End of story (I said might. Obviously I don't know what you are thinking)

Personally, I can't stand some bad habits. Like if I can hear someone chewing I lose my appetite. I could see myself easily feeling the way you do toward your dad.

[amtjrtcet]

everyone has their little "issues or habits" but please try not to let your issues with your step-father and other men influence your relationship with your father. Try and focus on good things about him. Because you never know when he could be taken from you. I lost my biological father 3 yrs ago and my step-father almost 2 yrs ago. There are so many things I wish I would had and had not said.