My Grandmother is dying, and I took it out on my friend... PLEASE, HELP ME!!!

[rekrapshyguy]

I know that my posts don't usually garner very many replies. I acknowledge that my tribulations, obviously, are completely insignificant to the myriad of confused, scared, and life-threatening crises plaguing the other poor souls that are taking sanctuary in this estimable website. The way I see it, this site is a small little beacon of warmth and love that is valiantly receiving those in need… those who discover themselves drifting hopelessly off course of the central path of life and into the blizzard of gloom.

 

Yet, with all said, I find myself in a grave thirst for help. Again, please, for my conscious' sake, alleviate those who are in the calamitous zones of their abyss… the people whose very life hangs in the balance. The very last thing I desire doing is confiscating the much needed attentiveness from the individual seriously contemplating suicide. My trouble is dwarfed by that emergency.

 

Although I whole-heartedly mean every word I just typed, I've lost course of the key topic of this particular post; I have two plights that need addressing.

 

First and foremost… my grandma is, as I type, lying on her deathbed in the ER. She is, and always will be the grandma closest to my heart. Earlier today, while my mom and I were at school, her teaching, and I learning, it happened. Minni, being the literature fanatic that she is, had been getting a book from her upstairs library, and was in the motion of walking back down the stairs when she tripped. It must not have been a steep fall – there aren't very many steps composing her stairs – but it makes no difference. The fact of the matter is that, once she fell, she fractured her left hip.

 

Thank God, my grandpa heard the collapse, and called 911. Shortly thereafter, she was hauled into an ambulance and rushed to the emergency room. Grandpa called his daughter to alert her of the catastrophe. My mom, of course, rushed out of her class and into mine to notify me of the heart-wrenching news. She pulled me out, held my hands within her own trembling grasp, and looked me square in the eyes. The look on her face, that stare of pure terror and angst, instantaneously chilled me to the bone. Within the very first word she spoke, I felt as though she might be telling me that a nuke was to be deployed above our very heads. "Momma…Minni… fell down the stairs." I swear to God, I will never forget those six dreadful words until the day I die. She informed me that she was leaving to go to the hospital… but she instructed me to go back into class.

 

Now that I think about it, I suppose she didn't want me to have to experience my grandma's death because she saw the little boy in me. She saw the same little boy who used to go over to Minni's house, that enthralling place that always invoked an aromatic, tender experience, to play board games such as Candyland and Monopoly and to hear stories of her enchanting and fascinating past about growing up in New England. My Mommy saw that little boy, and she couldn't show him his beloved Minni failing in the fight for life.

 

And, so, I returned back to class, attempting to keep my cool. Astonishingly, I did great. That, of course, was until my French class with Terra.

 

Terra was acting like a complete *****… she's been acting like one ever since Monday. That, I can tell you, is very unlike her. Since Monday, I have sensed a massive and unstable tension between us.

 

Before I go into what exactly happened, let me explain how I work when under immense anxiety. Both my atavistic mind and my emotional mind gang up and hijack my logical mind, usually resulting in moments I later often wish never happened.

 

Back to French… and the impending explosion. Terra told me to "MOVE!" in the foulest tone I've ever heard. I was trying to keep my cool, I really was… and I did, for a few more minutes.

 

Again, a little back story. About two weeks ago, Dalton, a guy in the same group as Terra and I, jokingly called me a "*********" during lunch. I paused, looked at him, and calmly asked him "What did you call me?". I had taken it literally and, again, had lost it. He repeated the name, and I threw my book into his face and walked off to the lunch detention room.

 

Obviously, I was upset, and the lunch detention teacher could tell it. I told her all about it after she asked, and to my astonishment, she brought Dalton, Terra, and the rest of the gang in to "talk about it". I, of course, didn't plan this. Luckily, we resolved things.

 

Back to French again… and the still approaching outburst. After we sat down, Terra glanced over to me and asked, "So, Geoff… are we going to have to have another talk?"

 

And THAT'S when I lost control. Eyes squinted, fists clenched, I roared, "WHY THE **** IS YOU'R PROBLEM, YOU ****?!? GET IT THROUGH YOUR ****IN' HEAD THAT I HAVE ****IN' FEELINGS!!!"

 

For the rest of the day, Terra and I didn't utter a single word. I was, and still am, dealing with the sickening realization that my beloved Minni is going to die. And, in addition, I threw my friendship with Terra away in a muddle of angst and anger.

 

I'm sorry for the way I put it, but the underlying message I wanted to give her was the same. I want to know what her problem is, and I want her to respect my feelings. The problem is, I'm afraid I burned the bridge between the two of us.

 

Yet, I need her support, encouragement, company, and companionship now more than ever at school. Now that my grandma is dying, I need a friend to lean on at school.

 

How can I possibly convey to Terra that I'm sorry for the words, but not for the message? How can I ask her for both forgiveness and support?

 

Or did I finally completely incinerate the link between Terra and I?

[sumguy]

First and foremost, you might get a few more replies if you laid your problem out in a more 'user friendly' way. Now I found your way of typing enthralling, but for most people reading that and all those largeish words would the be akin to picking up a novel and reading the first chapter. You say the most when you speak from the heart, and that just looks a little polished. Something to consider.

 

Secondly, I'm very sorry to hear about your Grandmother's situation, I know what you're going through - my grandfather died due to a terminal brain tumour earlier in the year, and he was one of the few members of my extended family that I'm - I was - close to.

 

Thirdly, most problems with good friends can be resolved with the following formula: Giver her space and time to get over her initial anger, apologize without offering excuses for your actions, and let her know you don't appreciate the way she was treating you in a hard time. Real friends will respect it.

 

I hope this helped =)

[clemons]

You should just tell her that you are sorry that you lost control. That's it.

 

Don't be sorry you were angry. You have every right to express your anger, and every right to have emotions.

 

Words have only the meaning people give them, so no matter how much you swear and cuss, all she would really interpret is the fact that you are upset.

 

So, what I think you should do is explain to her that you were not angry with her, and what you felt, and how you are sorry for your mistake. Just do it. Don't worry about how stupid it looks. As long as your are confident it will be fine.

 

Good luck

[rekrapshyguy]

My Grandma, Minni, died at around 3 in the Morning yesterday...pneumonia took her away from me... I don't really know what to say other than that... nothing that I can say, nothing that you guys can say, nothing anyone can say can bring her back. She's gone, and I don't know how to deal with that. I miss her so much.

[sumguy]

I'm still sorry to hear that she has passed, take comfort in your family - they'll be seeking comfort in you as well, and celebrate all the good in her life rather than focusing on her death.

 

You and your family have my condolences. ;_;

[rmpavlock]

I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. I would just apologize to your friend for taking out your anger on her. If she is a true friend, she'll probably understand. I'm sure she knows you are going through a hard time. I hope everything works out.