rekrapshyguy

January is almost over, meaning that I have only about three and a half months left in high school. Three and a half months left until the lives of Terra and mine are forever split apart, both of us forging our own separate paths into the future, both of our paths to never cross again. In less than three and a half months, I will be hugging my increasingly friendlier acquaintance good-buy, bathing in her spunky, flirty, friendly warmth for the last time in my life. Then, she will be gone, taking with her the color in my world and leaving me with a gray, murky hue of hollowness and loss. She means so much to me, held in my heart not as a crush as she formally had been, but held in my heart as a friend. She makes me feel happy, young, and alive; she casts a radiant glow upon my mediocre life. I don’t ever want to say good-buy to her. Just the very thought, which has been replaying countless times in my head as of late, shoots sharp pangs of anguish into my heart. And so I ask you what I should do to avoid this staggering emotional blow. Should I confess that she is my friend, and explain that I would like to keep in contact with her? And if so, how might I do it in a cool, casual fashion, as opposed to an emotional, over-dramatic approach? Thanks for hearing me out.

My Grandma, Minni, died at around 3 in the Morning yesterday...pneumonia took her away from me... I don't really know what to say other than that... nothing that I can say, nothing that you guys can say, nothing anyone can say can bring her back. She's gone, and I don't know how to deal with that. I miss her so much.

I know that my posts don't usually garner very many replies. I acknowledge that my tribulations, obviously, are completely insignificant to the myriad of confused, scared, and life-threatening crises plaguing the other poor souls that are taking sanctuary in this estimable website. The way I see it, this site is a small little beacon of warmth and love that is valiantly receiving those in need… those who discover themselves drifting hopelessly off course of the central path of life and into the blizzard of gloom. Yet, with all said, I find myself in a grave thirst for help. Again, please, for my conscious' sake, alleviate those who are in the calamitous zones of their abyss… the people whose very life hangs in the balance. The very last thing I desire doing is confiscating the much needed attentiveness from the individual seriously contemplating suicide. My trouble is dwarfed by that emergency. Although I whole-heartedly mean every word I just typed, I've lost course of the key topic of this particular post; I have two plights that need addressing. First and foremost… my grandma is, as I type, lying on her deathbed in the ER. She is, and always will be the grandma closest to my heart. Earlier today, while my mom and I were at school, her teaching, and I learning, it happened. Minni, being the literature fanatic that she is, had been getting a book from her upstairs library, and was in the motion of walking back down the stairs when she tripped. It must not have been a steep fall – there aren't very many steps composing her stairs – but it makes no difference. The fact of the matter is that, once she fell, she fractured her left hip. Thank God, my grandpa heard the collapse, and called 911. Shortly thereafter, she was hauled into an ambulance and rushed to the emergency room. Grandpa called his daughter to alert her of the catastrophe. My mom, of course, rushed out of her class and into mine to notify me of the heart-wrenching news. She pulled me out, held my hands within her own trembling grasp, and looked me square in the eyes. The look on her face, that stare of pure terror and angst, instantaneously chilled me to the bone. Within the very first word she spoke, I felt as though she might be telling me that a nuke was to be deployed above our very heads. "Momma…Minni… fell down the stairs." I swear to God, I will never forget those six dreadful words until the day I die. She informed me that she was leaving to go to the hospital… but she instructed me to go back into class. Now that I think about it, I suppose she didn't want me to have to experience my grandma's death because she saw the little boy in me. She saw the same little boy who used to go over to Minni's house, that enthralling place that always invoked an aromatic, tender experience, to play board games such as Candyland and Monopoly and to hear stories of her enchanting and fascinating past about growing up in New England. My Mommy saw that little boy, and she couldn't show him his beloved Minni failing in the fight for life. And, so, I returned back to class, attempting to keep my cool. Astonishingly, I did great. That, of course, was until my French class with Terra. Terra was acting like a complete *****… she's been acting like one ever since Monday. That, I can tell you, is very unlike her. Since Monday, I have sensed a massive and unstable tension between us. Before I go into what exactly happened, let me explain how I work when under immense anxiety. Both my atavistic mind and my emotional mind gang up and hijack my logical mind, usually resulting in moments I later often wish never happened. Back to French… and the impending explosion. Terra told me to "MOVE!" in the foulest tone I've ever heard. I was trying to keep my cool, I really was… and I did, for a few more minutes. Again, a little back story. About two weeks ago, Dalton, a guy in the same group as Terra and I, jokingly called me a "*********" during lunch. I paused, looked at him, and calmly asked him "What did you call me?". I had taken it literally and, again, had lost it. He repeated the name, and I threw my book into his face and walked off to the lunch detention room. Obviously, I was upset, and the lunch detention teacher could tell it. I told her all about it after she asked, and to my astonishment, she brought Dalton, Terra, and the rest of the gang in to "talk about it". I, of course, didn't plan this. Luckily, we resolved things. Back to French again… and the still approaching outburst. After we sat down, Terra glanced over to me and asked, "So, Geoff… are we going to have to have another talk?" And THAT'S when I lost control. Eyes squinted, fists clenched, I roared, "WHY THE **** IS YOU'R PROBLEM, YOU ****?!? GET IT THROUGH YOUR ****IN' HEAD THAT I HAVE ****IN' FEELINGS!!!" For the rest of the day, Terra and I didn't utter a single word. I was, and still am, dealing with the sickening realization that my beloved Minni is going to die. And, in addition, I threw my friendship with Terra away in a muddle of angst and anger. I'm sorry for the way I put it, but the underlying message I wanted to give her was the same. I want to know what her problem is, and I want her to respect my feelings. The problem is, I'm afraid I burned the bridge between the two of us. Yet, I need her support, encouragement, company, and companionship now more than ever at school. Now that my grandma is dying, I need a friend to lean on at school. How can I possibly convey to Terra that I'm sorry for the words, but not for the message? How can I ask her for both forgiveness and support? Or did I finally completely incinerate the link between Terra and I?

I'm afraid I can't really give you any advice, because I'm in exactly the same boat as you. How old are you? I'm sure, if your as young as I am, that you have a future.

I know that my posts don’t usually garner very many replies. I acknowledge that my tribulations, obviously, are completely insignificant to the myriad of confused, scared, and life-threatening crises plaguing the other poor souls that are taking sanctuary in this estimable website. The way I see it, this site is a small little beacon of warmth and love that is valiantly receiving those in need… those who discover themselves drifting hopelessly off course of the central path of life and into the blizzard of gloom. Yet, with all said, I find myself in a grave thirst for help. Again, please, for my conscious’ sake, alleviate those who are in the calamitous zones of their abyss… the people whose very life hangs in the balance. The very last thing I desire doing is confiscating the much needed attentiveness from the individual seriously contemplating suicide. My trouble is dwarfed by that emergency. Although I whole-heartedly mean every word I just typed, I’ve lost course of the key topic of this particular post; I have two plights that need addressing. First and foremost… my grandma is, as I type, lying on her deathbed in the ER. She is, and always will be the grandma closest to my heart. Earlier today, while my mom and I were at school, her teaching, and I learning, it happened. Minni, being the literature fanatic that she is, had been getting a book from her upstairs library, and was in the motion of walking back down the stairs when she tripped. It must not have been a steep fall – there aren’t very many steps composing her stairs – but it makes no difference. The fact of the matter is that, once she fell, she fractured her left hip. Thank God, my grandpa heard the collapse, and called 911. Shortly thereafter, she was hauled into an ambulance and rushed to the emergency room. Grandpa called his daughter to alert her of the catastrophe. My mom, of course, rushed out of her class and into mine to notify me of the heart-wrenching news. She pulled me out, held my hands within her own trembling grasp, and looked me square in the eyes. The look on her face, that stare of pure terror and angst, instantaneously chilled me to the bone. Within the very first word she spoke, I felt as though she might be telling me that a nuke was to be deployed above our very heads. “Momma…Minni… fell down the stairs.” I swear to God, I will never forget those six dreadful words until the day I die. She informed me that she was leaving to go to the hospital… but she instructed me to go back into class. Now that I think about it, I suppose she didn’t want me to have to experience my grandma’s death because she saw the little boy in me. She saw the same little boy who used to go over to Minni’s house, that enthralling place that always invoked an aromatic, tender experience, to play board games such as Candyland and Monopoly and to hear stories of her enchanting and fascinating past about growing up in New England. My Mommy saw that little boy, and she couldn’t show him his beloved Minni failing in the fight for life. And, so, I returned back to class, attempting to keep my cool. Astonishingly, I did great. That, of course, was until my French class with Terra. Terra was acting like a complete … she’s been acting like one ever since Monday. That, I can tell you, is very unlike her. Since Monday, I have sensed a massive and unstable tension between us. Before I go into what exactly happened, let me explain how I work when under immense anxiety. Both my atavistic mind and my emotional mind gang up and hijack my logical mind, usually resulting in moments I later often wish never happened. Back to French… and the impending explosion. Terra told me to “MOVE!” in the foulest tone I’ve ever heard. I was trying to keep my cool, I really was… and I did, for a few more minutes. Again, a little back story. About two weeks ago, Dalton, a guy in the same group as Terra and I, jokingly called me a “***” during lunch. I paused, looked at him, and calmly asked him “What did you call me?”. I had taken it literally and, again, had lost it. He repeated the name, and I threw my book into his face and walked off to the lunch detention room. Obviously, I was upset, and the lunch detention teacher could tell it. I told her all about it after she asked, and to my astonishment, she brought Dalton, Terra, and the rest of the gang in to “talk about it”. I, of course, didn’t plan this. Luckily, we resolved things. Back to French again… and the still approaching outburst. After we sat down, Terra glanced over to me and asked, “So, Geoff… are we going to have to have another talk?” For the rest of the day, Terra and I didn’t utter a single word to eachother. I was, and still am, dealing with the sickening realization that my beloved Minni is going to die. And, in addition, I threw my friendship with Terra away in a muddle of angst and anger. I’m sorry for the way I put it, but the underlying message I wanted to give her was the same. I wanted to know what her problem is, and I wanted her to respect my feelings. The problem is, I’m afraid I burned the bridge between the two of us. Yet, I need her support, encouragement, company, and companionship now more than ever at school. Now that my grandma is dying, I need a friend to lean on at school. How can I possibly convey to Terra that I’m sorry for the words, but not for the message? How can I ask her for both forgiveness and support? Or did I finally completely incinerate the link between Terra and I?

Thanks, but I'm not a hard-core gamer. True, I love the Zelda series (I grew up on it), I want to do somthing that actually requires getting out of the house. I suppose I might just have to suck it up and overcome my shyness around new situations. But, again, what would you guys say the best places to meet both guys and gals? Plus, I'm going to need to get my first job here pretty soon. Where would the best place be to work that would give me the chances of meeting the most people? Remember, guy friends are cool, but I already have some. What I desperately need is a girlfriend... and some girl-friends. Again, thanks for the comments guys, but now that I've made myself a little more clear on what I'm looking for, could you give me some more suggestions?

The hobbies I have (writing, videogames,) arn't very social. So, other than these two, no.

I feel lonesome and vacant. I’m not living a life; I’m living a monotonous pattern. I have no real social existence to call my own. I just go to school Mondays through Thursdays, go home, do my homework, and go to sleep. Sleep… that’s my leisure. Any time I find myself free of homework, I just turn off the lights, walk to my bed, lie down, and close my eyes. I try my best to envision dreams of myself with a girl other than her. But Terra always dominates my imaginings, much like she manipulates my emotions. Why do I obsess over this girl? There are many trivial answers to this perplexing question. Perhaps because of her sultry yet angelic figure? Or maybe because of her enchanting, enjoyable, innocent yet seductive persona? Could it be due to the neurotic nature of my Asperger's, perchance? No… I know the real answer. Terra Sanders is the only girl in my life… and thereforeeee, the only other human being I long for. She is the only attractive girl attending my school. And, like I stated earlier, outside of school, I have no life. Outside of school, beyond the realm of Terra, I find myself curled up in a ball, asleep, only to have my dreams engulfed by her. My school has no social channels I can travel through… no opportunities to meet other people. My only hope of extinguishing the hell of my loneliness relies solely upon my life beyond the confining walls of the educational prison I attend. And though this obvious truth reverberates within my ears as clear as a piercing siren, I am finding it impossible to uncover the next part of the puzzle. Where do I find a pool of new people? Where can I finally start the long search for my personal holy grail? My girlfriend whom I can hold within my warm, strong arms on a frosty Christmas night? My girlfriend whom I can liberate my enslaved thirst for adventure with? My girlfriend who will give meaning to my life by filling my empty heart with her own? Not to be haughty, but I’m fairly confident that I have the capability to exert a tug on her heart, for I know for a fact that I’m a extraordinarily loveable guy. I just need a plethora of setting to look for her. For those of you who need a little background, I'm 18, and I'm a senior at my "educational prision". One more year! WOOT!!! I know that once I attend college, my loneliness will no doubt resolve itself, but I just can't wait that long. I can hardly stand it anylonger as it is... I REFUSE to wait any longer. Also, when suggesting places to meet new faces, keep in mind that I have a hard time with new situations. I tend to clam up and become very shy... so social hang-outs might not be the best scene to search. Thanks a million

Fine... since the general consencous says to back off for a bit, I'll do so. I just want a friendship, and i already know that that is all i can ever have with her. She means alot to me, she's been in my life for 4 years, and she's the only attractive girl in my school. I don't mean to be mean, but all of the other girls are in like middle school. Me and Terra are Seniors. I just wan't a fun friendship with her, even if it dosen't have to extend outside of school, which it probably wont. I really don't see what is so morally wrong with teasing and joking around with a girl. I wan't the kind of friendship where we can swat at eachother in a fun way... I don't want to always have to stand straight and keep my hands at my side at all times when I'm around her. I agree that going up and hitting her would be too much. It would be like going up to a random girl and slaping her * * * or kissing her. You can't do that because that would be skipping the steps to get there. But I wan't to know the steps to where we can have more of a physical friendship rather than a "no touch" relationship.

Today, something happened that has never happened between Terra and me. In the first period, we were joking with each other in a cocky/funny teasing way. And in second period, we continued, and she did something that she has never done to me before in the four years I've known her. She punched me in the arm. Now, you may be wondering what the big deal is, but the way I see it, it means something significant. Never before has she gotten physical with me. This was the start of the level above verbal communication. I looked at her and I said kind of surprised, "You hit me! I'm gona hit you back sometime when your not expecting it." I was meaning to be teasing and funny, and I wanted her to laugh, but she just kind of smiled. For the rest of that period, we didn't really tease. Its like I felt a vibe that she didn't feel like it. I don't know… it was kind of weird. The next period, we kind of made small talk, but not very much. During the end of the third period, this guy named Dalton showed up late for class. Terra and Dalton tease each other and are physical with each other all the time. During the fourth period, Terra and me started joking around with each other again, but verbally only. Same thing in fifth period. At lunch, in addition to other people, Terra, Dalton and I sit together. Dalton frequently jokes around with her about sex and stuff. I tried the same thing, but it didn't turn out very good, and she didn't laugh all that much. At one point, I moved next to her to see something she was showing Dalton, and she told me that she was showing it to him, not me, and moved and sat on the other side of him. She didn't say this in a really mean way, but in a kind of flustered way. In the sixth period, she didn't really talk to me very much. Dalton and another guy named Erik are in that class. Erik is like the Fonz of our school, and Terra and him flirt constantly. She said that she wanted him and Dalton to come to her play because they were her friends. She didn't mention me or anything. I said "what about me?", but she pretended like she didn't hear me. In the last period, she sat in a chair on the other side of Dalton that was pretty far away from me. I tried to make jokes and everything, but she didn't laugh at all. What I want to know is what could her change in attitude towards me mean? Does it mean that she doesn't want anything to do with me? Am I taking it too personally? And also, I want to keep the physical thing going still. But what do I do to start it back up? Walk up and lightly punch her in the arm and say, "that was for last week when you punched me" in a teasing tone?

It's important to mentally rehearse first conversations with women. Plan what you're going to say, how she's going to respond, and what you're going to do in each possible situation. Also, plan for how you're going to physically and emotionally respond to a woman who isn't interested in talking to you. The Exercise Choose an approach to use with women, and share all of the steps in detail. Imagine exactly what's going to happen, the words you're going to use, and the body language and voice tone you're going to use. Imagine the woman you go over and start talking to responds the way you fear the most. Tell the response you fear the most, and tell how you'd respond to it. Thanks. I think that if all of us men share our ideas and stratagies about these type of things, we can all benifit from eachother.

lol ya i did. boy do i feel smart now. thanks

Thanks. I sorta have another problem... what should I say the first time I call her? I don't know why, but I'm having a brain fart when it comes to this... I just don't know what to say. I mean, do I just go, "Hey, Trisha, its me, Geoff Parker, you know, from back in 8th grade? How are you doing?!"? For some reason, the few beginning moments, and what I'm gona say in those few moments are kinda making me nervous, like whatever I say MUST be perfect. Everything I've come up with so far don't sound right. I'm probably overthinking this way to far, but what would you say?

Thanks. I'm so glad that i read your responses before I actually talked to her, cuz I was actually going to try and do it. I feel much more comfortable now that I know that the normal thing to do would be to not act like an jerk. Thanks, you saved me alot of grief.