10 years ... gone, puff

[cin-cin]

Okay, I guess I'll try to keep this simple. I have been with my girlfriend for 10 years (I'm gay). On oct. 6, she told me she "wanted to be single". What could I say? Emotionally I'm a wreck, but mentally I can see that I would be more and more unhappy as time went on.

Our big issue has always been about money. She owns a business and is doing great. I have a traditional 9-5 job, and could be considered middle class. In the beginning of our relationship, she tried to pay for every date, as well as being a "big shot" and setting up entire bars for drinks, etc. I thought a lot of people used her, so I insisted on paying for at least every third date or so. You know, just to NOT be a user, and because I'm proud. She moved in with me, in the place I lived, and the next 6 years were happy. Then about 4 years ago, SHE bought a condo -- very expensive and on the ocean. Once we moved their, it was "HER" place. Her friends always said "---'s house". She'd never correct them, or say "OUR house", you know. Then she started taking more and more trips without me. She didn't offer to pay my way, so I couldn't go anyway. I mean like a cruise to Greece for 3 weeks -- no I don't have 6-8K to spend. The trips were longer and long, and more and more lavish. In the last year, I was sick of it. (By the way, I am one of the least jealous types you'd ever meet, so it wasn't jealousy, it was being left out). I was starting to feel her friends were more important than me.

So almost 4 weeks ago, it was confirmed. She wants to be single. She wants to travel. She can afford it, she has the time to do it, and the friends to do it with. I am devestated. And feel foolish. I re-painted the entire condo, and did absolutely every improvement to it that has been done. I cleaned, I did the laundry. I don't know ... and for the last 3 years, we never went out alone. Only with friends. That she would treat friends to dinner and drinks. I mean to the tune of about 2,000 a month! But never helped me, never offered to pay my way for one of these trips. I am just babbling now ...

 

I guess I am looking for insight. Or maybe just to feel that someone is listening. I feel thrown away. Emotionally ruined. But there is a little voice in the back of my head that says, mentally, I would have gotten more and more tired of being left behind. It made me feel unwanted. Unappreciated. Unloved. I'm a friking mess today.

[laboheme]

*hug*

 

I'm sorry that you're going through a tough time...and I'm even more sorry for how your relationship was towards the end. It almost sounds like this woman used you for housework...

 

As hard as it may be to let go of a 10 year long relationship, listen to that little voice in the back of your head...because YES, things would have continued that way, and YES, you do deserve better. Hang in there...someday, you'll find somebody who wants to share her entire life with you.

[ratherbesailing]

Hi cin-cin -

 

The girl you describe seems to have a pretty big ego and I can sense you are beginning to question your own worth because of it. I don't think this has anything to do with you. She would have flitted away if you were the richest guy on the block.

 

It will take a while to get over this but you'll soon find someone that is more appreciative. She may have more or less money than your ex, don't let that put you off. It is the attitude that matters.

 

Good luck

[Derailed]

Cincin, you are better off without this person. She is full of herself. I don't know these people live with the guilt of hurting someone this bad. Maybe she has no conscience. Maybe it will grow on her someday and like a tumor would consume her with guilt.

 

10 years is a long time. But just be glad your'e out of this disrespectful relationship. I know how it is to love someone and have that person discard you. Its painful. People can console you and give you good advice, but the pain is yours to bear. So I guess we just have to face it head-on. Take solace in the fact that you are not alone.

 

Take care.