He likes me, I like his best friend......Is it best to not try anything?

[vermilion]

What do you do when you're in a situation like this? This guy is really into me- and has been for a while. I'll call him "J" .He's already asked me out more than once and it gets really old the way he doesn't back off.

 

But I went to a party with J back in the summer and met one of his best friends, "R". R is really cute and the complete opposite of J. R and I joked around and had fun talking and at the end of the night he handed me his number but I didn't give him mine because I was actually dating someone at the time. I didn't ever call. And at some point I deleted his number from my cell.#-o

 

Today J did his daily routine of bugging me and invading my personal space. He came up and asked me for a hug and before I could say anything grabbed me eeuw

 

Then I noticed R was with him. He smiled and said hi and asked for a hug I said yes of course...I was surprised because he's gotten even better looking since I last saw him...

 

Then they both talked about coming by my house tonight (because it's halloween and all and they're bored) but I told them I probably wouldn't be home (a LIE I just didn't want to sound like a loser with nothing to do to R ) because I was going to some party in the neighborhood. But really, I'm not into partying so I wasn't planning on going. I don't even like the people who's house it's at.

 

Then they decided that sounded more fun than walking around randomly or loitering at my place so they'd go to the party.

 

J started to walk off but R stayed behind, saying J might get drunk or stoned (which sucks cause he's even worse when drunk/high) but if he does he'd need me to hang out with so I better come. I laughed and said ok but felt really guilty for some reason.

 

Then we said bye and he walked off with J...leaving me wondering:

 

1. Is it ok to make a move on the best friend of someone who's interested in you? It sounds awful, but you can't help the way you do/don't feel, right?

 

2. Would someone NOT pursue someone if they knew their friend had feelings for them? I'm not sure if this changes depending on the person's sex or age...how is it for teen guys?

What should I do? Should I go and check the party out to see if R is there? Should I just forget about this guy because it can only cause a bunch of problems?

 

But maybe it's easier to just not bother. ARRGH! But I think R's really cool and I don't want to just forget about him.

 

Thanks for any advice.

[agent1607307371]

I would go for R.

 

J sounds like a very irritating problem to have but not someone you should limit your life over.

[sixpounder]

if i know manhood good, R and J wouldnt be as good friends if you and R started dating, but thats up to you if you feel thats what you want

[Juha]

Don't make your decision on someone else....

 

If you like his friend then go for it... If he has a problem with it then so be it...

[Augusteen]

If you've made it perfectly clear that you're not interested in Senior Clingy keep-your-hugs-to-yourself 'J' then I don't see why it's a problem to let 'R' know you're interested. Whether he'll go for it or not is the question.

 

You could always let 'R' know that 'J' is getting on your nerves a bit. He might slip the word to his friend that you're not enjoying the hugs to much

 

So while you may not get the guy you want, you might be able to get 'J' off your back for a bit.

 

Did I get those letters reversed?

[Dating Coach]

J sounds just like most inexperienced guys who can't take a hint and keep thinking that you'll eventually see that they are a good guy and that you'll change your mind.

 

A lot of guys here who are like that will expect you to flat out tell him to get lost, but they don't appreciate how awkward and rude that will make you feel in order to chase him off like that... and even then he may not get the hint.

 

Personally, hanging out with J or spending time around him is likely feeding his attraction to you. It would be best if you stopped doing that.

 

You don't owe J anything so if you would like to date R then go for it. Although out of respect for his friend R should let J know that he intends to date you.