Is Internet the problem or I am?

[Lydia]

I am married for a second time. We got married last April. Last year was somwhat crazy but wonderful. Now we have got a big problem. 99% of his evenings he spends on the Internet playing computer games, mostly bridge. He begins approximately 9 pm and keeps going till at least 1 am (rather seldom), many times 3 am (most often), sometimes even 6:30 am (sometimes but he would do it more often if I let him). Because we are running our business from home, he plays also many times during the day. Evenings are most terrible for me. After a hard day of work I would like to cuddle, talk, watch movie together, make plans, but he is not available. When I am asking him to spend some time with me because I feel bore or lonely he says he is not my toy. Nothing helps, talking, pleading, crying, screaming ...... Once he tells me he understands me and this will change so this evening he would watch the moview with me falling asleep after half an hour and begins to play after I go to bad and fall sleep. Then he would try to be in bed before 3 am. Like this is the best it gets. But the next day he gets back to his routine. I love him. He is a good man. We are made for each other. What shell I do? I cannot take this any longer. Am I too possesive? How much free space a guy needs? Am I expecting too much? Shell I be alone every or 99% of the evenings. Shell I ALWAYS go to bad alone and wake up when he is deeply asleep because of the last night? Most of his duties regarding business or home he would do but only as much as is absolutely necessary. I am tired, confused and in despair. Please help me to anderstand this. I understand he should have a hobby but isn't this too much? What should I do?

[Annoyed And Bitter]

You are definitely not the problem here. I am willing to bet a billion bucks he isn't playing games at 3 am... Take that hint, darlin I don't want to have to gt blunt there....

 

You have got to decide what you will and will not live with. Once you decide, tell him and stick to your guns. If he cares anything for you he will tone this down. I suggest trying to arrange certain nights when he HAS to be with you, or certain times... Whatever works for BOTH OF YOU!!!

 

Luck and Happiness be with you

[sabena]

Ok, I am going to be honest with you but will send it to you in a pm so check your messages chick

[gina gloss]

It seems like a few people are willing to bet that something more is going on; however, I think that his problem is that he has an addiction to playing bridge on the internet. One summer I was jobless and my husband would work 8-9 hour days and I would find myself sitting at the computer playing spades on "yahoo" even after he returned from work. Often, he would try to talk to me but, I was "in the zone" or whatever... lol...this is going to sound crazy but, it got to the point where I would think of cards all of the time. I dreamed about spades on yahoo, played it in my head, and I always felt the need to sit at the computer. After I got a job and started having other things to attend to--outside of the apartment...my need grew less and less. I know it sounds kind of silly but, I've met other spades players that have had this "addiction" also. I neglected my husband for a while and he was very accepting of it (although...hurt sometimes). But, my actions had nothing to do with any negative feelings toward him. At times I would even get irritable and he just learned to leave me alone while i was playing my games. Anyway, that's my take on it. I think that his addiction is like any other and that doing things outside of your house (since you work from home also)...would do a lot of good. It's kind of hard to sit and watch a movie on the couch when the computer is beckoning. I know it sounds crazy...but really, that's how i was. The more time he spends away from the computer...the more he'll get over it. Take care and good luck

 

Regina