I'm Having A Tough Time

[Oh Life]

Hello Everyone,

 

I have been on the various boards at Enotalone since my relationship with my ex ended about 6 months ago. I've went through a lot of stages and cycles, and I am hoping that by posting my feelings about the situation I can help relieve some of the pain and anxiety this loss causes me.

 

I have thought of my ex every single day since the breakup, no matter what I try it seems I can't get thoughts of her out of my head. In the beginning I would think of our past but now those memories are not as painful. It seems that thinking about and analyzing our recent interactions and uncertain future is the most draining.

 

In fact as I write this now it is hard to put down what I am exactly trying to say. I guess I have thought about it too much today and I'm too exhausted.

 

I will post more as it comes but this is enough for today.

 

The thing that hangs me up the most is that she says she will "probably be with me" but every day that doesn't happen is painful when I stay in contact with her.

 

I think its possible we are both weaning off from each other during this LC.

[Relationship Coach]

Welcome to ENA! We love it when the lurkers find a voice, I hope we can help you.

 

The thing that hangs me up the most is that she says she will "probably be with me" but every day that doesn't happen is painful when I stay in contact with her

 

 

There you go as Larry the Cable Guy would say!

 

How can you possibly move on a start the healing process when every day you pick the scabs to see if there is any new skin forming? What she has done is stick a psychological foot in your door and you can't close it for fear of missing out on the chance that she might want to come inside. This is the worst torture in a break up because you become a slave to hope which will constantly prevent you from getting over her. Thoughts of her will stay in your head until she is far beyond your reach. You cannot force your thoughts of her away but you can certainly learn to associate thoughts of her as hindering your ability to heal.

 

Take charge and cut the puppet strings, tell her you are not waiting around and wasting another day on "I wish I may, I wish I might" thoughts. Deliver the message to her that you are unavailable to her once and for all. What do you have to lose?

 

RC

[heloladies21]

Something that people need to learn on here is that LC = psychological game playing and only results in a lot of BSing and wasted time and a broken heart in the end. So enough of this "we'll get back together in the future", it never works out that way.

 

Lay out an ultimatum for her of "either we get back together and work at this right now, or else I'm moving on and no friends and no contact." That way you'll have your final answer and know if you are to move on with her or without her.

 

One thing is for sure, hanging around in limbo like you're doing results in your pain and never leads to a solid relationship ever. This has been proven 100%.

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

That's a solid analysis RC. She's keeping the scrap of hope barely alive that "someday" this is going to turn around. I agree you should pull the plug.

[JoeWho]

Hope of getting back together is a horrible thing to be thinking about all the time. Go NC and you will get off the rollercoaster and begin to heal. Relationship Coach is right, cut the strings.