Winning him back....

[confused3]

I need some advice. My ex broke up with me over 3 years ago. We both went our separate ways and I ended up getting engaged but then breaking that off a few months ago, because I didnt feel like I was in love. I do know that I was truly in love with my ex boyfriend though, just the way we cared about eachother and talked to eachother it was so natural. So anyways I broke off my engagement and then decided i wanted to get a hold of my ex after not talking to him for over a year and a half. So I wrote him a letter and he wrote me back right away saying that he wanted to see me and talk. And he was seeing this one girl well they since then have broken it off. Yet they are still "talking" and Im sure everyone knows what that means, but he says when he comes back from college for his thanksgiving break he wants to get together and see what happens, if we should date or not. But right now I feel like he is stringing me a long. Dont you think that if he cared he would stop talking to this other girl, if he really loved me and really wanted me back that he would care enough to give her up. I need to know how I can talk to him about letting her go before he trys to get things going with us. The hardest part is he has no friends at school besides her (now his school is only 45 minutes away) so hes pretty lonely from what I understand. What is the best thing I can do to really get his attention to really win him over.

[someguy69]

You really can't "win" someone over and not take the chance that whatever reasons they weren't fully committed to you in the first place no longer exist.

 

If he really wants you back, he has to "win" you back. How do you know that the reasons you broke up with your fiancee aren't similar to the reasons that he broke up with you three years ago?

 

When you talk to him, you should first address the reasons for the break-up, and make sure that all those things are resolved (or going to be resolved).

[nikkim74]

I think that you need to see him first and feel out the current state of things between you guys. I don't know if you want to demand that he stop "talking" to this other girl; if it's just a friendship, then that's not cool of you and that might turn him off. You can't make any assumptions at this point. After so long apart, I don't think you can say "If he really loved me..." Do you even know each other anymore? People can change in three years. Or perhaps time and distance has made you romanticize the relationship? I think you need to be really careful here; you were obviously hurt a lot when he broke up with you before, so you don't want to set yourself up for more heartache. If you truly love him, then just wait and see how it goes. If you two decide to date seriously, then let him know that you want to be exclusive. And I definitely don't think you should think of strategies to "win him over." If he doesn't see how amazing you are and doesn't feel a certain way about you, then you don't need him. Sorry for the hard line, but I don't want you to put yourself in a bad situation. Let us know how it goes!

[Relationship Coach]

Be yourself, it sounded like the person you were when you were with him is the person he is expecting to see. Winning someone over is done unknowingly, when you try to win someone, it seldom works.

 

RC

[lovecrazy]

to be hoenst...I have been thinking of my HS sweetheart...and I miss him for some reason...I havent figured out why thought? Lack of affection in my last relationship...or something else...

 

I agree with the other posters that you need to meet up with him first then decide. Cause like I said it could just be a void of not having that something in your last relationship. Granted I love my ex..but it just didnt work out

[Royltnxile]

Dont you think that if he cared he would stop talking to this other girl, if he really loved me and really wanted me back that he would care enough to give her up.

 

I think you have unrealistic and selfish expectations of him at this point. Right now, as it stands, you have agreed to get together in person over Thanksgiving and "see how it goes"...and that's all it is, at present.

 

You haven't seen each other in 3 years.

Both of you have since moved on to serious relationships with others, even though neither of you are involved seriously with anyone right now.

 

Why would you expect him to come running and swooning all over you just because you contacted him after all this time? Perhaps your ego kind of hoped that he would?

 

Until you and he begin, if you begin, dating again, and even then, it is waaaaaay to early for you to be trying to tell him who he can/can't run around with. So I wouldn't be worried about other girls at this point.

 

Just meet up with him over the holiday and see what happens. Until you are face to face with him and you see how it goes, don't waste time and energy worrying about it.

 

Btw...whereabouts in IL are you?