Strange relationship with ex gf

[LL1979]

Hi all, I've found myself in a strange situation with my ex gf and I'm not sure what to do. I'd really love some advice/comments if anyone can relate...

 

I'll bring you up to speed. We went out for a year (v.loving, healthy relationship) but she ended up cheating on me after I got a bit slack on the romance thing (sound familiar?!). I tried to reconcile things but we broke up soon after - I felt partially to blame and was pretty cut up. With the help of this forum I decided that no contact was the best thing to do.

 

Aaaaaanyway there was no contact until she phoned a few months later, to try to get me back, but soon as i showed interest in meeting up she backed away again. I've bumped into her once or twice, just kept it friendly, there's been some texts sent back and forth etc. But I found out that she was dating that same guy, even though she never admitted it to me personally. "Screw this!" I thought to myself, I'm not gonna be her safety net, so I stopped contact once again.

 

Then, a coupe months later, I got a missed call from her. I thought about it and decided not to return her call.

 

A couple weeks later came the curveball - she hand delivered a small gift and note to my door, my brother saw her but she left without word, leaving it on the doorstep. It was a simple hello and a small gift (similar to one she bought me while we were dating). I won't go into detail, but its clear she has reached out to me in some way, Problem is I have no idea what the deal is with this other guy, and I'm not sure exactly what she wants from me.

 

I've seen a couple of girls since, but if I'm honest I still miss her and in an ideal world I would like to try again. I loved her and I'm pretty sure she loved me too before all the sh!t happened. But I'm worried that if I respond, she'll back away again. I don't like the idea of being 2nd best to anyone, but if she was sincere I would be open to something developing again, in the right circumstances.

 

So, how can I be sure of her intentions, and what is the best thing for me to do?

[amtjrtcet]

Don't respond. I think she definitely still cares for you, but if she really wanted to reconcile or "reach out" she'd make more of an effort. She'd be upfront. Just let it go. If you two can and both want to work things out, she's gonna need to make actual effort.

[smiles21]

Yea, I agree. She will make more effort if she is truly interested. Also, the cheating thing would bother me, and how she is so back and forth with this other possible guy.

 

I refuse to be second best, so you should do whats best for you. I know what your going through, and it's tough, as you still think about her even after all the other women.

[heyduh]

i disagree with the other peeps here.

 

go for it! it seems to me that you are stronger now and in a power position.

 

she is reaching out to you, and she seems to be making more than a half-hearted effort .. i mean c'mon a hand delivered gift ! and who is that nerd talking about she will make more effort - yep, she will keep reaching out to you only if she is extremely needy and has low self esteem ... she made enough effort, missed calls that you didn't return, a hand delivered gift ... now its your turn!

 

i've found that most peeps on enotalone are hopelessly negative .. i mean, just take a look at how it seems for enotaloners that NC is the ONLY way to go .. NC is good, just to heal and reach a stage where it seems you already are: NOT NEEDY. sure you miss her, but from the sound of your post, it seems you can handle it now ... perhaps if you are strong enough, you'll be able to control the direction of the rekindled relationship.

 

check out the other thread by shikashika "NC in 'real life' isn't always the best plan?"

 

coz the fact is, if you continue NC you ain't ever getting back together.

 

just be strong dude. take no more BS. and make that clear to her.

[Massari]

personally to me there is no second chance for someone who cheats.. to me they are worth less then the garbage that get dumped (sorry if you seem bother by this comment to the woman who cheated on you, but she did cheat and made YOU FEEL WORTHLESS for a while and crap)

 

she cheated on you man .. it would take alot more then one stupid gift and a few missed calls. she should try more to prove to you that

 

 

a) she REALLY regrets what she did and she feel worthless

 

b) She really misses you and knows that the "grass on the side is NOT greener, in fact there is no grass there!! its a desert" you get my point!

 

c) She prove to you and I really mean prove to you the she is worthy of your love and that this kinda thing will NEVER EVER happen again.

 

and you know you seem to be a different guy compared to me.. you are still strong and you don't obsess about her. me when my ex dumped me (didn't cheat) I got depressed and all, went through 4 weeks of hell.

[vesper]

i disagree with the other peeps here.

 

go for it! it seems to me that you are stronger now and in a power position.

 

.

 

 

i agree!...

[Clementine orange]

I agree - go for it. Get together and just point blank ask her what's going on. Ask her why she's suddenly all interested now. You're in a position of power now. Life is too short!!

[itsallgrand]

Could you ever trust her again not to run when things get hard?

 

You could be upfront, but first I would consider whether you really do want her back and could do it in the world as it is.

 

I wouldn't give her a thing unless/until she worked damn hard to earn your trust back. Right now, she isn't even commiting to asking you back. Is that really enough for you?