On my to being the dumper

[computer_tec09]

It's already been 4 months later now and nothing's working. I imagine kissing a monster when I'm kissing/making out with her and I have become much of a jealous freak who would be capable of getting in a fight with any guy hitting on my g/f, plus recently I now have started calling her names as well and giving her the cold shoulder at times. As for now I'm going single for a long while.

Can I just dump her by e-mailing her instead of actually watsing my time getting dressed up and meeting her in person?

[melrich]

You may as well. Small gestures are not going to fill the space you need filled.

[computer_tec09]

Right on. My message will probably start something like this: "As you have already know, nothing is working and you have hurt me a whole deal by that single action of yours, you just did what would hurt a guy the most, the one thing any guy would have broken up with you a long time ago, thus I'm now breaking up with you (IT'S OVER).

[computer_tec09]

Then again it's not easy, I'm still in love (how unfortunate). No nevermind I won't, I'll still give it some more time. As I'm aware for the last two months after the incident I'm hurting her verbally and emotionally, yet in a way feel like she kinda deserves, in a way it's like my own revenge. Words are just words it's not like when you strike out at someone.

[itsallgrand]

I dunno. Maybe you should just punch her in the face hard once. It's faster and less painful than what you are doing right now.

 

If it isn't working, it isn't working eh. It sucks but is there really anything else left to do?

[TheRedQueen]

This whole situation sounds awful.

 

You are being abusive, are you cool with that????

[computer_tec09]

No I have never hit a gal in my life itsallgrand and never will. The reason I have started being like and saying all those nasty words since late Sep. is because of her drunkenly giving heads to a loser way back in June. In my opinion this is the worst act a gal can ever do to a guy and esp. to one that's still a virgin. Ask any guy and I bet all guys would break up if their gal perform any sexual acts. This is how we are in general, we don't stand that part, oral is the worst of worst, it's degrading.

[TheRedQueen]

Then why are you with her? To torture her and make her suffer for her past mistake? That seems childish and cruel.

[computer_tec09]

You are being abusive, are you cool with that????

 

I don't know. In a way she deserves for giving heads to a random dude, this is the worst act a gal can do to a guy. Her actually going down and performing it on him.

I must admit the first two months after the incidence I have been sweet to her, even more than before and then it start kicking in me and that was about it, I exploded it, blew up and say all the words I wanted to tell her.

[itsallgrand]

I understand your anger, and there is nothing wrong with that. But, as Red pointed out, you are becoming abusive.

 

Of course I didn't mean to suggest you actually hit her. Though what I said has bitter truth in it: one solid hit to the face would sting less than slow torture.

 

I personally think you should just walk away from this one. You don't even want to put the effort into getting dressed to break up with her. Your anger seems stronger than anything right now.

 

Walk away with dignity. You're not just hurting her, you're hurting yourself too.

[friscodj]

Hey CT-

 

I'm sorry your situation has degenerated to such a point. It's sad to hear about situations like this.

 

At this point, I definitely think this thing is too far gone, way too far gone. Why are you contemplating waiting any longer on breaking up with this "monster"?

 

Because she's not a monster and you know that. She is a person with feelings that will be hurt when you do end this in whatever way that transpires. Your feelings will be hurt too but don't let that keep you in this any longer. And you may be confusing "love" with "attachment" in this case, because from what you wrote it certainly doesn't sound like "love" to me.

 

I do suggest you talk to her about whatever it is that she did to you. It might bring you some understanding and help you find peace with this, because it certainly sounds like there is unfinished business to that end.

 

Come on, man, things happen between people, no need to hold this bitterness and resentment in your heart any longer. No "revenge", no "getting back at her", no more name calling, do the right thing and just let it all go.

[computer_tec09]

Then why are you with her? To torture her and make her suffer for her past mistake? That seems childish and cruel.

 

Unfortunately I'm still in love with her. I thought about letting her go but for some reason, I won't. I must admit I have made my own mistake, only it wasn't that serious as the one she did, it did not involve anything sexual.

 

I guess we guys tend to focus on pride and our ego and when it's shatter, we turn back into little boys. I must also admit I do feel bad afterwards but then it goes away and it's like I'm back on it.

 

If there's any way I can get past this, I'll make it work. Wish there was a way I can overcome that horrible image.

 

Another reason I guess I'm still with her is because she herself told me about the inicidence, if not then it would have been over long ago.

[TheRedQueen]

I don't know. In a way she deserves for giving heads to a random dude, this is the worst act a gal can do to a guy.

This is ludicrous, no one deserves to be abused, period.

 

And no it is NOT the worst thing a girl can do to a guy.

[computer_tec09]

And no it is NOT the worst thing a girl can do to a guy.

 

Not the worst thing, so giving heads drunkenly to a randowm guy she doesn't know is nothing to complain about. Her sucking another dude's sperm?? Ewwww, any guy would have broken up over that long time away, I was nice, in fact too nice for still being with her.

 

I also started getting mad over some people comparing making-out with 5 people to actually giving heads. Those are two different levels, thought both of them are cheating, the first one is forgivable while the other is degrating.

 

I'm considering giving it until Dec. and by then if still nothing works then I'm dumping her for sure. I'll try being sweet again as the way I was the first two months.

[itsallgrand]

Why fight your own innate value system? You can't stand to be with a girl who goes down on other guys. Period. But you keep trying and trying to get yourself to because you love her?

 

Trust me, it isn't your fault she chose what she did. And you can not change it.

 

Love doesn't require us to change our core values. You can let this go and know you did absolutely everything you could to try to make it work. You tried to forgive her - but can't. That is fine. You do not have to get past it and take her back. It doesn't matter if she told you, if the betrayal is too much for you than fine.

 

You are not doing her a favor by staying with her. At this point, you are treating her like crap. And yourself too.

 

Please be careful with your rationalizations. If what you have done isn't as bad as what she did, what would you have to do to 'get even'? You can play it out in your head - the revenge - while wacking a mattress or a punching bag. Let the anger out. Let it out.

 

You can not make someone love you or be loyal. They have to choose it all by themselves. She didn't, and I'm sorry for your hurt.

 

Christ, you remind me of myself in my bad stages. Stubborn as hell, and angry as a mo'fo'.

 

You might look into finding new ways of dealing with anger. It's toxic stuff. Writing here was a good thing to do.

 

Have you scared yourself at all yet? Thought 'man, that is not me'?

[computer_tec09]

You're right I try everything and there's no way I can get pass that act. What I did wasn't that serious like what she did, I only made out with 5 gals, it never went anything further than that as I'm still virgin. I can't stand that image of my gal performing sexual acts. This is the way we guys are, we get freak over the sex part, this is our nature. While you girls can overpass this, we can't.

I try to forgive her as you stated. At first I have been bottling up my anger was being more affactionated at first until I couldn't hold it no more and started calling her the "b" and "s" words overly too much.

 

Nevermind I go straight towards my orginal plan. Only I'm not gonna do it the coward's way of just writting or calling, 'm going through the whole thing of dressing up and meeting her while still remaining in complosure and explain to her in the calmest way that I tried and it didn't work.

[TheRedQueen]

You're right I try everything and there's no way I can get pass that act. What I did wasn't that serious like what she did, I only made out with 5 gals,

My eyes are popping out of my skull!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

Are you kidding? You must be kidding, right?

[sparkle1]

LOL at the RedQueen...

 

I dunno where to start on this thread.....

 

OK - she gave a BJ to a guy whilst she was drunk. You are saying your ego will not allow you to move on from this. However, you made out (and i am presuming 'made out' is kissing? and nothing more?) with 5 other girls.

 

I think your relationship is doomed. Anger and egos aren't the same thing. Your ego has been sqaushed a little..but if you trust her and wanted to be with her - you would let it go.

 

You are really angry and that is slightly scary...being hurt is fine - but being nice for a couple of months to them turn into an abusive monster isn't funny.

 

You're not doing her or yourself any favours by waiting a nother couple of months. The way you feeling isn't going anywhere is it? and this is what is causing all this in the first place.

 

Sounds like there is nothing she could do to get your full forgivness.

 

Blimey!

[betrayedgirl]

It's already been 4 months later now and nothing's working. I imagine kissing a monster when I'm kissing/making out with her and I have become much of a jealous freak who would be capable of getting in a fight with any guy hitting on my g/f, plus recently I now have started calling her names as well and giving her the cold shoulder at times. As for now I'm going single for a long while.

Can I just dump her by e-mailing her instead of actually watsing my time getting dressed up and meeting her in person?

 

NO! DO NOT DUMP HER VIA EMAIL. HAVE SOME RESPECT!

[computer_tec09]

Uh so much for preparing to get dressed up today and actually meeting her, I just got an im from her on messenger an hour ago saying it was over, that she couldn't stand my abuse anymore. So much for wanting to be the dumper, instead I'm the dumpee.

Sparkle yes making out only involves kissing (mostly french kissing) and hugging, includes giving hickies. You know what I mean, nothing sexual.

[computer_tec09]

Are you kidding? You must be kidding, right?

 

I was serious about that. But Like I stated that was not that serious as what she did.