PLEASE save me from my own insanity..

[confused70]

Ya think???

 

Love between adults is not unconditional. You hear alot about that, but it's not true. Yes, you can see their potential, and their true self, and love that unconditionally, but the reality is that they can do things that are in complete defiance of their true selves -- become drug addicts, or sexually perverted, or murder someone -- and you can't accept that behaviour. So while you may love the person unconditionally, you do not have to accept all their behaviour. Unconditional love and acceptance is something we offer to children, not responsible adults. It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if you had fallen out of love with your wife; you've seen behaviour from her that would make anyone's blood run cold.

 

I believe that's probably true... I'm a sensitive guy, but I can't read my own emotions.. I'm concerned about her.. I hope she doesn't kill herself. I hope she can pay the bills. I hope she's happy. I hope she thinks good about me and doesn't hate me. I hope she doesn't say bad things about me to the kids or my family. I guess that's about it. When I drink I used to picture her in my head and think happy thoughts about her. I would see her when I closed my eyes. None of that is true anymore.. Does that mean I dont love her?

 

When she started seeing other guys, she set me up with a woman that she underestimated. The woman is beautiful, smart, and caring. Do I have different feelings for my wife because I have fallen for this woman. If that were the case, she would deserve it.. How can I tell. I feel guilty and depressed.. I've told them both to leave me a lone so I can figure stuff out, and now I feel lonely. This is my first relationship, I have no skills here... ;(

[Juliana]

I think you're doing the right thing. Sometimes nice people survive because they walk through the sh*tstorm and nothing sticks; I think that's what's happened to you. Keep walking; you aren't clear yet.

 

I think you also have a tendency to idolize or idealize women you're involved with. It's cute, but dangerous; first you thought the behemoth you were married to for 17 years was perfect. That is so unlikely as to be on a par with the moon being made of cheese. Now you think the chick she set you up with is a wonderful person. Well, maybe. And maybe not.

 

As I said, keep walking...

[confused70]

I think you also have a tendency to idolize or idealize women you're involved with. It's cute, but dangerous; first you thought the behemoth you were married to for 17 years was perfect. That is so unlikely as to be on a par with the moon being made of cheese. Now you think the chick she set you up with is a wonderful person. Well, maybe. And maybe not.

 

As I said, keep walking...

 

That's quite possible. I've now had sex with two people. My wife and the woman she set me up with. Being so inexperienced is my problem here, I think. I really miss the other woman and I think that's still taking from the clarity.

 

Thanks for the advice Juliana!

[caro33]

I completely agree with Juliana and Emmylu. Juliana in particular has put it really well.