Update: I feel like I'm being strung along.

[HurtDude]

Well, some of you may remember my other post, if you don't its okay, I'll make this a standalone thread.

 

I met this girl in one of my classes. shes completely beautiful and has a personality that is very radiant. Basically, it would be safe to say that I love her.

 

Well the problem is, she has a boyfriend of 7 years. shes never cheated on him, or even been attracted to anyone until me. and no, she isn't lying about that.

 

We have had sex already. A few times. However, it is rather clear that both of us are holding back full compassionate intimacy for obvious reasons, her boyfriend. The problem is her boyfriend lives very far away, 5 hours of flying to be exact. Thus, they are in a long distance relationship. She has told me repeatedly that she wants to break up with him and that she canot tear down 7 years over the phone, she must see him face to face to do it. Shes planning on seeing him for thanksgiving, and says shes taking a break from him then.

 

Last night she and I got into sort of a fight. She told me that she sometimes has doubts about the things I say to her...like I love you and the like. She says she feels like i've said those things to other people before. She also confessed that she doesn't know if a long term relationship between us is possible, but that she can't stop being around me. We kissed and made up and she told me how incredibly amazing she thinks i am and then we parted ways.

 

Today we met for lunch and even though we were cute and cuddly, we did not kiss, which is odd since we always do.

 

After much talking with my friends, I've come to believe that maybe I'm going to be the one hurt here. and in a way, it is almost impossible not to. She has a boyfriend and she is going to get what she wants, whether its me or him. Me on the other hand, well, she could decide tomorrow she really just likes her boyfriend more.

 

Another thing thats wieghing on my mind is that I feel as though things may have changed between us as of last night because she usually always responds to my text messages immediately and with equally flirtatious remarks except today. Today, she didn't reply to me at all and she wont pick up the phone when I call (I'm one of those guys who doesn't call obnoxiously, so I stopped calling after she didn't pick up the second time). This is SO weird, shes usually the one always trying to get a hold of me. And then just now out of nowhere she sends a text thats like "i look gross" or something stupid like that, which I responded to with no response back.

 

I just want to know, what on earth is going through this girl's head and moreever what should I do. I've been advised by my friends to give her the cold shoulder. She's the one with the boyfriend and so I should let her come after me at her discretion. I like this idea except I'm afraid she might misinterpret the cold shoulder for my loss of interest in her.

 

I'm rather torn.

[FortunateOne]

Dude! This is a fling for her and considering the fact that you're both in college means your still young, thereforeeee again, this is a fling. Also look at the character pattern. Do you think when some one better comes along she'll do what she's doing to her current boyfriend with you? Think about it.

 

One thing she might be right about is the way you treat the word love. I believe you both have a misconception of the true meaning. As to you, it takes about a good quality year of being the best of friends to know if you really sincerely love a person, not a few months. For her, does she even have the faintest idea of what love is with the way she's treating her current boyfriend.

 

All I can say is think long and hard about this scenario and disassociate yourself and look at it from my point of view.

[Entomon]

*Sigh* I feel for her boyfriend - who is all innocent in this.

MoneyGod is right - you are just her crutch - a filler when her boyfriend is not around. She's cheating on her boyfriend with you. Imagine if you got together with her, she'll be cheating on you with someone else. Her pattern of behavior is chronic and I suggest that you re-evaluate if she is the type of woman you want to have anything long term with. However, my guess is you don't care much because you get something out of this relationship as well.

[Teddy-Bear]

I would have to agree with the other 2. she says shes never cheated and this is the first time. im not much better i have cheated once when i was young....but if a girl says she would never dream of cheating...then just because she doesnt want to break up on the phone is no excuse to fool around with another guy(sorry man) but i think she's just using you as a temp filler while her bf is gone....it would be better to maybe look somewhere else before you get 2 hurt...or unless your willing in just having fun get what you can out of her....it is college and college is meant for having fun and exploring...so do so my friend

[Dating Coach]

Agree with the others. I hope you don't dismiss everyone because it's not what you wanted to hear...

 

You are a "fix" for her, and all the stuff she "says" to you should be ignored. What comes out of her mouth isn't nearly as important as what she does. Especially at your age, people will say all sorts of things, a lot of which is contradictory to their actions. ACTIONS tell the truth of the person and what they want. If she says she wants you but is getting more and more distant, then she doesn't want you. Remember to pay attention to actions over words.

 

Personally, I don't think she is a good partner at all. You've got a crush and aren't thinking clear enough. She's a cheater. She's cheating on her man and then telling you that she wants to end her relationship. Has she? Actions speak louder than words. If she isn't ending it then she doesn't intend to.

[HurtDude]

Wow, you're right.

 

If she really cared about me...and had deep enough feelings for me...I wouldn't be here typing this. Her boyfriend should have been out the picture a long time ago. Maybe its time for me to make myself history.