Why Can't I Get Over This!?

[prizmpyxis]

Hi everyone, I am new to this website, and I am having a big problem. I am a 20 year old girl, and I just went away to school, where I met this amazing guy. I have been dating him for 2 months now, and everything seems perfect...except for just 2 minor details.

 

One: He dated this girl for THREE years, broke up with her before he came here, and when she found out about me, she wouldn't leave him alone. Finally it was making me so upset that he told her to stop calling him, and that he was with me now. Now they don't talk at all, but she's still an issue. I have such low self esteem that I feel as if I will never compare to her, and that he could never love me like he loved her. Is that wrong? He is definitely almost if not completely over her, because like I said he does not talk to her AT ALL and genuinely shows no desire to. It's not even possible that he could be hiding it, because he is a very honest person. I get so upset about her though and it drives me crazy!!!

 

Two: I'm from Long Island, and he is from upper New York, which is about five hours away from me. For the next two years, we will both be attending the same school...but he made a comment to me last night saying that after that, things will be difficult. At first he said that he thought that I assumed we would break up after school and that's why he said it...but really he didn't know what would happen. I said that I didn't know what would happen either, because that really is my honest opinion. I hate thinking that I have this limited amount of time with him, just because we live far away. I'm probably going to grad school up here, and if he loved me enough after 2-3 years, wouldn't that not be an issue!? I guess I'm reading into this too much, because he did say he had the same opinion as me after the whole conversation, and that he didn't know what would happen, but still. Why would he say something like that? ](*,)

 

I do have anxiety disorder, and I'm already assuming that I'm panicing over little details and getting upset for no reason, but any advice would be greatly appreciated. This guy is the best boyfriend that I've ever had and I feel more strongly about him than I ever had about anyone.

[vesper]

You have said that he is the best boyfriend that you have ever had and you feel strongly about him. Then make a decision to stay in the relationship with him, or leave him and dont look back. Its your choice. = )

[laboheme]

For now, try to stop thinking about everything and enjoy the time that you do have with him. That's the only way you'll know where this relationship is going. After two months, it's hard to tell when you're still in college. Maybe you guys will break up in another two months (sorry to be pessimistic) and none of your current worries will apply. Or maybe you'll be going strong in two years...at which point, like you said, if you love each other enough, you'll figure something out about the distance. Try to live in the present! (Yes, I know it's hard)

[Helen67]

As has been said above, enjoy your present situation and don't think about the future for you two.

 

What I would add that although you seem to come accross as maybe quite shy and introvert, that you should apply yourself more to other activities. Join groups and take up hobbies, giving you a chance to meet new and interesting people, this is very important, that you find your own identity!

If then later down the line you two do break-up, your busy lifestyle will soften the blow, and help you through. Also YOU may before then want to break with him, YOU may meet somebody new.

 

I'm not saying this will happen, but you are still young, and are always changing, get yourself busy, and don't be just the g/f.

 

Helen x

[babypink61]

You guys are thinking waaaaaay ahead into the future. For now you guys should just enjoy what you guys have together and stop worrying about what's going to happen in the future. Who knows what would happen? You guys might even end up getting jobs in the same city. And don't worry about the other girl, he already made it clear to her that he's with you now and that she should stop bugging him, so you should be happy about that.