I wrote him a letter..and still no response

[Michelle24]

I want to thank everyone for there posts the other day. For those who don't know, my ex broke up with me a week and a day ago, for being at "two different stages in life"

 

Well we still haven't spoke but I wrote him a letter friday. He hasn't responded I thought I'd share it and ask what you think.

 

 

I know I didn't say much on sunday. I guess I kind of had a loss for words. In the last week or so I've had a lot of time to think, and I've put everything into perspective. Ian..I care about you a lot. I agree with you when you say the first two months were amazing. They really were. It's not like the last couple months weren't great.. I feel we both had a lot of stuff going on, and our relationship became more of a routine.

 

I think you are a great guy, and I'd like you in my life whether it be a boyfriend or just a friend. In the past 4 months you have taught me a lot about life. You have changed the way I think about a lot of things. ..for the better. You really weren't just a boyfriend to me. You were my best friend. I know we are different in a lot of ways, but just being around you makes me happy. And I don't want to lose you.

 

I'm not mad in the least bit. I want you to find someone who love with all of your heart..I'm always here for you no matter what.

[AngelEyez]

That's a very sweet letter. Give him time for it to sink in, I guess. He may have a longer processing time for what happened between the both of you. Not everyone heals quickly. But, I respect you for writing such a nice letter to him. At least the relationship didn't end on bad terms, right? You respect his decision for breaking up, and that's a big step to moving forward. If he responds or not, I think he knows you're a great person. Maybe even one day, he'll regret his decision.

[annie24]

he may respond or he may not. just assume he won't respond, I think you will feel very disappointed and sad if you are expecting a response and don't get one.

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

I read your post the other day and I am not sure as to why you wrote this letter. He is the one whom was extremely insensetive about your past, and made ultinanums about you going back to school. IMO, he was trying to mold you into someone you are simply not. He did not accept you for whom you are at all.

 

I, for the most part, discourage people from writing letters and/or email letters for a couple of reasons. One, it pushes the other person further away. It perhaps makes the dumper feel guilty, obligated or uncomfortable. Second, the person writing the letter deep down expects some sort of action or response, no matter how much he/she says he/she is not. And for the most part, the person never gets the desired response, thus making the dumpee more sad, hurt, or angry. Third, it is up to the person whom ended the relationship to initiate the repair to the damage the break-up caused, not the other way around.

 

I am so sorry about your break-up but based on your post the other day, you both are incompatible. He wants a person whom you are not. Hang in there and take it one day at a time.

 

(((hugs)))

[Michelle24]

Thanks guys.. I mean it didn't really end on bad terms. We didn't fight or anything.

 

kellbell..I don't think he tried to change me. I just reliased that he wanted someone with more goals and who know what they wanted in life. I can't be mad at him for that.

 

and as far as the letter goes. I feel i had to write it. I was like a mute when he broke up with me. I had to let him know how I felt and I didn't want to call him.

[chai714]

I, for the most part, discourage people from writing letters and/or email letters for a couple of reasons. One, it pushes the other person further away. It perhaps makes the dumper feel guilty, obligated or uncomfortable. Second, the person writing the letter deep down expects some sort of action or response, no matter how much he/she says he/she is not. And for the most part, the person never gets the desired response, thus making the dumpee more sad, hurt, or angry. Third, it is up to the person whom ended the relationship to initiate the repair to the damage the break-up caused, not the other way around.

 

I agree with KellBell with the first 2 reasons she stated. If I deal with a breakup again, my journal will hear about it but never the woman.

 

I don't necessarily believe it's up to the person whom ended the relationship to repair it - because it requires two to start a relationship, but only one to end it.

[brando]

Good point Chai. It has to be a mutual agreement to want to work things out, not just the dumper initating it or the dumpee.

 

It is tough though being the dumpee and wanting to let the pother person know what you are thinking and feeling. But i learned a hard lesson some time ago. And it was harsh to hear it, but i was told it didn't matter what i wanted, it was what she wanted that mattered. Took some time for this to sink in.

 

And i wasn't thinking what my ex wanted at the time, i was selfish. And all though many here will disagree with me it is important to try and understand what the dumpee is wanting.

 

It was a great letter you wrote, and i hope you mean what you say in that letter. He may or may not respond. But you did what you felt you needed to do, so let it go now. Your words are out their, and it is up to him now to do what he will do with them.

 

Be well,

brando

[kellbell]

Hey Chai and Brando,

 

I wrote the dumper should initiate the repair, not do it all by him/herself. I totally agree with BOTH persons putting in the effort but I fully believe the person whom ended it should be FIRST to BEGIN the repair and then both persons can work together. If the dumpee keeps coming back, writing letters, calling, trying to get the ex back, it only seems to push the other away.