Conflicting Lives....

[emma34]

I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months now. We were apart for the summer, and I barely got to see him, but SOMEHOW (was some tough times) we made it through. I've met him @ sort of a weird time in my life. I'm in my second year of university in a new city (i'm a small town girl). I've left nearly all of my friends behind, and even during the summer, I barely saw them - my "group" doesn't keep very good contact. A couple of months before I graduated (a year and a half ago), I went through a really bad depression with anxiety attacks that found me in the hospital a couple of times.

 

It's been a battle ever since.. I still have occasional anxiety attacks and deal with depressioin every day, probably for the rest of my life.

 

In high school I was popular, had a stable group of friends, and felt very confident socially...since high school I've moved into a residence building on campus and still haven't made any new friends.

 

My boyfriend is FROM this city - he has lived his entire life here. His family is close and he lives with 2 of his friends, and his group of friends is very close. He's always going out and doing stuff. His friends (who are all about 6 years older than me) and I are pretty close, some of them even started calling me "sister" as a joke...since I spend a lot of time there.

 

While I love my boyfriend - I'm finding this situation kind of hard. It's just that I don't really have any friends of my own, so he's all I have - but his life is so full of ppl. I'm often jealous of this, and it makes me really sad.

 

Today is Sunday, and he is watching football with his buddies. Yesterday he had a soccer wind up with his buddies, and the day before they all went to the bar. I sit at home alone pretty much when hes out. It's not that he doesn't invite me out, or that I don't go out WITH him sometimes....it's just... i wihs i had my own friends to go out with, that i didn't have to depend on him all the time - and it's got to be so depressed that i don't even WANT to go out anymore....

 

I HATE waiting for him to call me so I can hang out with someone. Because I feel like I'm part of his life, and that I hardly even have a life for him to be a part of... sometimes his friends even bug me how "I never bring my friends out" ... i know they're kidding, but it makes me so sad, because the truth is i don't HAVE any friends.

 

I've told him alll this... and he doésn't understand at ALL. He says I'm always invited to go out with them - which i believe is true...but its just not good enough.

 

Somedays, I think that I'm making this seem like it's all my fault...that maybe its just taht i'm not his #1 priority...because i shouldn't feel so insecure... i just don't know.

 

 

any insight is welcome!!

[faydra]

emma, the biggest favor you can do for yourself if to get involved doing something, like volunteer, go to the library, join the literacy council - anything like that. You are being too introspective and you need to quit analyzing yourself so much. Get into other people. You will find that if you volunteer at some organization and keep busy that you will soon have some friends and start enjoying life. You're being very hard on yourself. You can't find friends sitting at home waiting for the boyfriend to come over. A potential mate always finds a person more interesting when they have interests of their own and are not totally dependent on them for something to do. Get involved in life and not so involved with yourself.

[robowarrior]

Sometimes its like a puzzle piece, it either fits in or it doesn't. You clearly don't fit into that big city of them because you can't relate yourself to the city life. Im sure that if you went back to your old place, you'd be meeting friends again.

 

So you might either choose to adapt or to break it off with that city. If you wish to adapt, definitly go to night clubs, stay loyal to your bf while trying to meet new people tho.

 

You don't have to feel insecure about anything, just go for gold into your life.

[Rabican]

YOu need a hobby, sign up for some sort of class, extra activity, something... where you can meet people outside of your man. Class itself should be an ideal place to meet people, but people going to class probably have learning on the brain... so try getting into some sort of sport, or something. Find something that you like to do, and find some other people that DO that activity... common interests will usually lead to meeting some friends. If all else fails, move back home and finish school there.

[jilligirl]

do you work at all? what about your co-workers? if you don't work, why don't you get a part-time job?

 

of all the friends i've met post-high-school and even post-college, most of them i met from jobs i've had.

 

some of them i'm still friends with, some not.

 

what about joining a yoga class? or joining a gym? not only will you do good for your body, but you'll most likely be seeing the same people over and over again (that is, if you go during the same times- so that your schedule matches up with other perople's schedules so that you see most of the same people whenever you go).

 

friends are not going to come knocking on your door. you gotta go out and find them.

[jilligirl]

going back home will get you friends, maybe, but it wouldn't help you with personal growth.