No one ever let's me speak!

[Twilight777]

I'm 25 years old, I'm an adult and I feel like I'm very capable of carrying a conversation, but I just find myself constantly being interrupted and having the subject being changed on me... and I don't want to "sterotype" anybody, but it's these certain people that have one thing in common that CONSTANTLY do it to me, and I wonder if it's because of that one common denominator.

 

I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to do...somtimes I just feel like saying, "are ya thick in the head? Are you THAT selfish that you always have to change the subject to make it about yourself? Will you ever freakin' let me finish my statement?" Ugh, it makes me mad. And what sucks is that I try to be a good listener, I don't interrupt people, I really listen and ask questions and try to give good advice, and rarely (unless I'm giving an example) do I turn the conversation around to make it about myself.

 

I'm just having a hard time with it because it happened last night with my roommate (who is definitely selfish and spoiled and self-centered anyway, so I expected it), but it just happened with a co-worker just now, and I just want to give up on these people! I'm so annoyed. ](*,)

[BornToResist]

That sucks. I hate it when people do that.

 

I just say "HEY I WAS TALKING" and that usually surprises them and they will usually let me finish from then on.

 

I think it is SO rude to do that to people, they are definently disrespecting you and you have a reason to say something, in my opinion.

[DaDancingPsych]

I think this is pretty common, unfortunately. We are all so wrapped up in ourselves that we miss when someone needs/wants to talk about themselves.

 

If these are individuals who you are close with, I recommending explaining that you need to discuss some things about yourself and would appreciate that they stay on the topic at hand. It may take them some time, but eventually they can learn to be good listeners.

 

If these are people who you aren't close with, you can always attempt to resteer the conversation back to you. But I think you'll find that this is part of human nature.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Well, what I do - and it works for me - is to stop when someone interrupts me, and say 'I'm sorry, on you go,' as if I'm giving them permission to interrupt me. It's nicely done, but it draws attention to the fact that they've spoken over me. People usually get the hint

[Twilight777]

 

If these are people who you aren't close with, you can always attempt to resteer the conversation back to you.

 

What's funny is that I tried this with my roommate one time... She always talks about herself, things she's done, things she's tried, how she's feeling, what happened to her in the morning afternoon evening, what's going on with her and her family etc...and almost every sentence starts with "I" with her. When I come home from work, she doesn't even give me a second to just relax she just starts talking about herself, when I get out of the shower same thing...and in the morning when we wake up...not even a few seconds to open my eyes.... So one morning she starts in with the random "I"'s. We were both getting ready for work and she said.... "I have no idea what to wear...I have so many clothes, but can't find an outfit". To this I didn't respond, because to me that's just a stupid thing to say... pick out some clothes and get on with your life! And then she starts saying stuff about how she wore this one thing one time...and blah blah... so I decided to start doing the same thing to see if she would "get it". Everytime she said a statement that started with an "I", I would do it it back, so our conversation was like this:

 

Her: I can't believe how brave I am that I went cliff-diving

Me: I went bungee jumping

Her: I'm just so proud of myself

Me: I can't find my socks

Her: I think I'm going sky-diving soon, I know I can do that

Me: I've thought about that before

Her: I just need to call daddy to get some money....

Me: I haven't talked to my dad in 5 years

Her: I think he might be visiting.....He spoils me so much, I love him

Me: I think I'm going to go hang myself....

 

Okay, so that last part I didn't say out loud...but do you know what I realized from that conversation? is that I'm always the one who keeps the conversation going smoothly by asking questions, sounding interested in what she's saying and trying to stay on topic...because as soon as I don't do that

the conversation turns out to be a bunch of "I" statements that don't flow (like the example above). I'm not even sure if she pays attention to anything I'm saying EVER.

 

So I guess with the attempt above, I've tried to steer the conversation towards myself, only to find out that my roommate doesn't give a shat about me.

[AprilRain]

Well, what I do - and it works for me - is to stop when someone interrupts me, and say 'I'm sorry, on you go,' as if I'm giving them permission to interrupt me. It's nicely done, but it draws attention to the fact that they've spoken over me. People usually get the hint

 

Or you can just b*tch slap them...j/k

 

Seriously though, I like Honey's idea. It's subtle, yet gets the point accross.

[blender]

It seems to me that you and your roommate were both talking about yourselves... what about saying, "I'm sure you're proud of going cliff diving, I know how scared I was when I bungee jumped, what were YOU feeling right before, were you terrified?"... being a good listener, is also in how YOU respond, try taking what someone said, and directly responding to it and then adding your OWN experience to it, it might make for more interesting converstation and less interrupting...don't you think? Of course I'm not quite convinced your roommate will respond in any positive way, after all, she didn't respond to "I havent' talked to my dad in five years".. but try saying, "You're so fortunate to have a relationship with your dad where you can just call, what's that like, because i don't really talk to my dad"... see how she responds then... although she does seem a bit self absorbed, perhaps she might actually hear you if you make it a question about her relating to your situation..

[itsallgrand]

What do you usually do when folks interrupt? Do you continue to listen, and stew inwardly?

If you do, it's time to stop. Even if you need to be rude. Really, what is the big harm in that?

 

How about saying "You do realize I stopped listening to you 5 minutes ago, right? Bye! " And go about your business...

 

Usually, the person will get this shocked and offended look on their face. Then they will want to talk- about how this affects them. lol. That's when you can insert the "*softening compliment or thing you like about them* plus 'You interrupt me all the time, and I would really appreciate it if you were to give me a chance to speak. Our conversations are one-sided and I won't stick around for that. '

This tactic is for truly tedious and self-centered people only. Regular old folk who sometimes speak out of turn; they can get a subtler approach.

 

But if you are finding this occurs a lot - it may be you. It may be that you are scared shytless to speak up. The only cure for that is practice.

If you are interrupted - make it a point to continue with your thought outloud.

Do it again and again.

 

Think about it...if you are mad bc you are interrupted, are you actually listening anyways?

[itsallgrand]

What do you usually do when folks interrupt? Do you continue to listen, and stew inwardly?

If you do, it's time to stop. Even if you need to be rude. Really, what is the big harm in that?

 

How about saying "You do realize I stopped listening to you 5 minutes ago, right? Bye! " And go about your business...

 

Usually, the person will get this shocked and offended look on their face. Then they will want to talk- about how this affects them. lol. That's when you can insert the "*softening compliment or thing you like about them* plus 'You interrupt me all the time, and I would really appreciate it if you were to give me a chance to speak. Our conversations are one-sided and I won't stick around for that. '

This tactic is for truly tedious and self-centered people only. Regular old folk who sometimes speak out of turn; they can get a subtler approach.

 

But if you are finding this occurs a lot - it may you. It may be that you are scared shytless to speak up. The only cure for that is practice.

If you are interrupted - make it a point to continue with your thought outloud.

Do it again and again.

 

Think about it...if you are mad bc you are interrupted, are you actually listening anyways?

[Twilight777]

That was an example of something I tried once just to see what would happen if I acted like her with a bunch of "I" statements. I'm NEVER like that in a conversation. It sounds ridiculous. I've definitely tried before what you've mentioned...but the conversation ALWAYS gets steered right back to her and then she acts as if I never said what I did. And there's the other thing...she hardly ever asks questions...if she made a statement like, "I haven't talked to my father in 5 years" i would've asked her why (if she didn't mind telling me). If she makes any statement, I usually keep the conversation going with a question, but she doesn't do that for me, so I know about trillion things about my roommate, and she barely knows that I have a sister.

[blender]

I'm sorry your roommate is so emotionally limited. That is NOT a relflection on you, but now you ARE AWARE of her limitations, and you can not CHANGE who she is, you can only make changes to yourself, and that might mean choosing different types of friends/roommates.

 

She is not responsible for making you feel good, or needed. You know she is limited and not so understanding of YOU and who YOU are... that is her loss, not yours. You are worthy of having people in your life who are understanding, loving, kind, respectful, so seek more of these people out and also become more of this type of person yourself.

 

It seems you are aching for someone who is as sensitive and interested in others as you are... so give yourself a break and understand this roommate of yours is just "limited" that's her problem.

 

If you've lovingly and kindly said to her, "I wish we could talk more, I wish you would listen to me, sometimes I'm hurt and feel like you're not hearing me, and I would really like to actually talk about meaningful things at times, do you know what I'm saying?" If she still doesn't get it, well then, there's nothing you can do, it's like going to a dry well for water... knowing this will help you have less expectations with her, and you will then be less disappointed.. you know what I mean?

[Twilight777]

Good point! When I get interrupted or someone turns a subject around to talk about themselves, I'm no longer listening to them anyway. I'm thinking, "how selfish"…but I continue to nod my head and pretend that I'm listening, and eventually I'll have no choice but to listen and "help them" carry on the conversation, but I guess that's what I'm just so sick of. But I can't imagine ever saying anything to them. In the case with my roommate (who happens to be a gossip as well) I know that if I ever say anything (like telling her how rude it is to interrupt and such) she'll likely tell people that I'm a b*&ch because of it.

 

So what I've been doing lately is just not responding at all....when she goes on and on and pick up a book and start reading until she realizes that I'm not listening...and I feel HORRIBLE about doing that because I think it's rude...but I've just figured that she's never going to stop. But it sucks because I don't want to feel like a horrible person just because she doesn't know when to stop talking about herself!

[dogheadma]

I know about trillion things about my roommate, and she barely knows that I have a sister.

 

Life is too short to spend your energy on people who are boring or rude. Try not to worry about it too much.

[kadie]

I agree. I know people who talk over me and dismiss things that I say. I just spend less time with them and more time with people that I can have balanced conversations with.

[Abby]

I really like what Blender suggested, Twilight. You've had such patience with your roommate, it would be great if she could honour you with the same respect but as Blender said, she appears limited and you're probably wasting your time.

 

It can be incredibly frustrating being interrupted and talked over.

 

I have the opposite issue with one particular friend. I don't want to interrupt her BUT I would like us to have a dialogue rather than listening to her monologues all the time. Sometimes, I don't mind just listening but sometimes I would like to participate and that's the problem - she can talk for Britain and I can't get a word in edgeways! I try to wait for a pause to speak but I don't find one until she's stopped for breath AFTER moving onto another topic and it's very hard to back-track one the conversation, sorry, monologue has moved on.

 

I suppose we're experiencing the same thing trying to participate in a conversation rather than being shoved out.

 

Interesting post.