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Please help everyone, I am falling back into this trap, please help


shoebaby1
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Hello everyone, I hope some of you remember my story but I will summarize just incase. My boyfriend broke up with me in May because I picked alot of fights and was very insecure. We basically have been still seeing eachother and "Dating" he has never disrespected me or anything its just that he says he wants to see how things work out with us to see if he changes his mind about breaking up or to see if I will decide to not wait for him. We have been seeing eachother alot spending everyweekend together and some weeknights. It has been wonderful, sometimes I get paranoid that he is cheating because things are going so well One night his phone rang at like 1:00 in the morning and I couldn't help but ask who it was and he said it was his friend that calls him to come over sometimes to hang out out late (they live around the corner from eachother) I was killing myself because I just didn't believe him and checked his phone, turns out it was his friend (I know the number). I am so paranoid and upset that we are not official and I cannot understand why I can't just take it slow I really want things to work out. Does anyone have any advice on how to calm down, I have anxiety as it is. ](*,)

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Hey,

 

I sometimes have the same problem myself with my boyfriend, although there has never been any evidence of cheating. He hardly ever talks to the girls that live around him, yet I feel so insecure!!! I know he is sooo caring and very trustworthy, but sometimes I ask more questions than needed. Over the past few weeks I've tried to stop what I've been doing. I said to myself that I would be a risk taker. If he is going to cheat on me, then so be it, the relationship would be over. If he doesn't, then that's great. Try not thinking of your boyfriend as a low life player. Your boyfriend got back together with you, didn't he?...well not officially, but he is making an attempt to make things better. Why would a cheater do that? In my mind, if he were a cheater, he would of left you in May, and started looking for other girls to be with. Your case is totally different. I have a hard time trusting people because of past experiences, maybe you are the same. Try not to let past insecurities get in the way with someone who has never disrespected you. Give him a chance!

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Your first few sentences are very telling..."My boyfriend broke up with me because I picked a lot of fights and was very insecure". You guys broke up and it was all your fault? Were you really THAT insecure or was he giving you good reason? Was he not as affectionate enough to make you feel secure? Your first step is to acknowledge that you don't carry all of the weight of the failed relationship. His behavior towards you played a major role in how you reacted.

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well if he wanted to go to a friends house or have on of his friends over I would get mad, just dumb stuff nothing serious. I sometimes tried to push his buttons to see how he would react. I really don't know what else because they were always stupid things. I just want to look to the future and have things get better. I know everythinng wasn't my fault I just want things to work out because I really love this guy

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shoebaby,

 

I'm in the exact same situation with you. Broke up and got back together! I have also been feeling alot of anxiety over this, but 99.9% of the time my worries are unfounded.

 

You really need to try to slow your thoughts down and go with the flow. I know it's easier said than done but just look where you are now. You're back together and spending wonderful times together. He must want it to. Don't sabotage it now by over-reacting to everything.

 

You have a fresh start in this relationship, do your best to work on your trust issues and be more giving to yourself.

 

You are so lucky you have this second chance, make every moment positive and enjoy your time together. If you just relax, in time, things will be better!

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I personaly wouldn't worry about the logistics of it right now. Like I said, try your best to better yourself and just go with the flow.

 

He obviously see's something with you and that's why you are spending all this time together.

 

Try your best to not get upset infront of him or jealous! Show him that you have strength but most importantly just make every moment together a positive one.

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Exactly! Big no, no! Do not talk about the relationship and don't hound him with questions! Look, i'm not saying you have to go on like this for as long as it takes. Give yourself time and see where things lead. But be patient and have faith in the fact that you 2 are trying again!

 

Just know, that if you question him and act jealous you are definitely gonna get what you don't want...and that's pushing him away from you!

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Okay one more question. He hardly hangs out with his friends but when he does I get nervous and I end up worrying if he is gonna flirt or something stupid. Or if I ask him out and he says he has plans I just feel so bad and low like he doesn't care about me or something.....because he used to give me everysingle second of his. Like today I asked him if I could come over tonight and he said I am supposed to meet my friend tonight to go out "I am sorry, maybe tomorrow?" I said "okay" but Inside I was dying!

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What you're doing is relying on him to make you happy!! You need to make yourself happy first before anything else.

 

You also need to trust him if you want this relationship to work!

 

Try be open to him hanging with his friends and if you can, make plans with your friends and do stuff that you enjoy. When he wants to hang out and you cant because you have made plans, it'll be good for him to see you have your own life.

 

Also, when he says he has plans, try and be happy for him and tell him to have fun! I promise you these things make a world of difference to a relationship!!!

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