Words of wisdom from anyone would help....

[mfurb33]

Basically, it's been 3 weeks now since I've heard anything from or about my ex that I dated for 3 years. I've had (and still have) so much of an urge to call, write or send her something to let her know I'm still here. But I just can't bring myself to do it. For one, like so many on here say, when someone needs 'space' or whatever, contacting them makes you look weak, doesn't give them space, and more often than none, pushes them away rather than bring them to you again. When we broke up once before, it was for 3 weeks, and when I'd try to call, she'd get upset and it would just make things worse. So, I figure my best bet is to move on as much as I can, and leave her be. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be, right? The one thing I find so crazy as I read through all these other stories, is how much contact everyone had with their ex's after the breakup! I've had none. Someone who is supposed to be your best friend, the love of your life, and the woman you're to marry...suddenly won't talk to me anymore. I don't know how much of a difference it would make to hear from her...I guess the last thing I need right now is to have her call and say "Yes, it's still over", know what I mean? lol....I'm trying to keep my head up....trying to move on...looking at the bad aspects of our relationship and convincing myself that it might not of been as perfect as it seemed. I guess if I had a question for you all, (and I know specifically the ones in here that are going through very similar stuff....so I hope I hear from them)....it would be, "How do (or did) you deal when thoughts popped in your head of the good times...or what she was doing at this moment...or why haven't I heard from her...etc..." It just seems so overwhelming at times when your mind starts going crazy. At other times, it's not hard at all. I still just stop what I'm doing sometimes and shake my head...and wonder how this all happened. One day your life is planned out, the next day, it's all gone. Thanks for listening....

[solstice48]

Well you've got one post that I'd like to see the answer to. I've been dealing with the same stuff you are & here it is 6 months down the road & it's still not any easier. Of course I was together with my ex a little longer than you were, 25 years. But it seems we all still go through the same things. Like you I tried like h*ll to not have any contact & I have to say my ex was a lot better at it than I was. Never heard word. I admit I broke down & wrote a few letters & sent several emails but after awhile of not getting anything back I figured she just could care less about me & probably was not reading what I sent anyway. It seemed as though I dropped off the planet as far as she was concerned, like I was never a part of her life for all that time. Even a few words like "I'm sorry it didn't work out" (yeah right after 25 yrs) would have been something. It's as you said one day life seems good, the next the love of your life is telling you they don't love you. How & when did that happen? Then as you also said you look back at what you thought was in your eyes was a good relationship & it hurts when you still can't find anything that seem that bad. Maybe your ex saw things differently but if that's so why didn't they say something? Those good times that pop up in your mind, I've got them too. And it really makes the day go along in a poor way, wondering what she might be doing & with who. Waking up in the morning earlier than you planned & have them on your mind at first light just makes the day seem as though it'll drag on. All day wondering how could someone toss all the plans you had & the dreams you shared so easily? Yes it does get to be overwhelming at times & I'd also like to see what some answers to your question will be.

[crookster_man]

Always glad to listen. Your mind is your instrument; you must learn to master it. Do not let it control you. I understand that when you start to dwell on these negative thoughts you start to spiral down into a pit of despair, I am very familiar with this.

 

You must control your thoughts. You see, when you are with someone for a long time they do become part of you. There presense is almost expected. So when it is removed you suffer the symptoms of withdrawal. This can be very painful. Whenever you experience yourself subsuming to the temptation to dwell on this, ask yourself. "What good is this doing?"

 

You have to perform a though interjection. You need to stop yourself from dwelling. When you start to think about her, calling her or anything like that. Stop yourself before it can turn into an emotion. Emotions come from thoughts. Only when we think about bad things do we feel sad. Like you said, other times we feel fine.

 

Address the thought you are having ask yourself is it really important? Is it nessicary for me to think about this? What good with dwelling on this do? Remove your negative thought and replace it with a positive one.

 

Such as… "I miss my Ex so much I loved her how could she do this to me???" (Interject – What is the purpose of this though? What use is it, I am gaining nothing from this thought pattern) Positive thoughts "I will cherish the relationship that has helped me become the man I am today, now I will focus on doing (something you like and want to do)"

 

This is a real healthy way to deal with feeling sad. Don't bottle up your feelings, I suggest you do find a time and a place to let our all your emotions, go over the photos and get upset. This is natural in the right time and place, but bad if it controls your life. How about you control how you feel?