Am I crazy or just sad?

[timboo]

Brief summary-

2 Suicide attempts under my belt by 27. Recently diagnosed as having a mild aspergers syndrome (?).

 

I am disabled (failed attempt), and have continually failed to get a job. I have no friends at all and a history of being laughed at, or felt sorry for. I can't do the whole social 'thing', i am terrified of it.

 

For the last few years I have lived on the internet, downloading photo's of people I don't know and building up fantasy relationships and situations in my head, to the point where I actually feel some comfort from them. i have imaginary girlfriends and dinner parties.

 

I quite often spend hours laboriously drawing maps and building little models of places where I have been in the past, for example the room where I tried to kill myself. i made a cardboard desk, bed and wardrobe etc, painted the walls and furniture and imagined myself in there, while listening to depressing music (Piano works by Satie if youre interested).

 

The only things I get any pleasure out of are eating and sleeping. I used to like researching medieval torture methods, thankfully that was a passing fad which i stumbled accross by accident.

 

i'm just putting my thoughts down at random. it's all true. this is the first time i have said this to anyone.

[Spugly Fuglet]

Well Hello and welcome to ENA

Heres may take on your post

 

What you said reminds me of a Pule whitehouse comide skit where his Haplass BArrow boy Vince is sown in the dumps one day, he is asked by his mate whats wrong to which he says

 

"Ive was dumped by my girl freand last night"

*looking said*

Mate- but you dont have a GF the only GF you ever had was an imaginary one

Vince- Yer and she dumped me

mate-*looks incredules* she what!

Vince- She dumped me she said I was borin and always working

Mate- But shes imaginary you can make her take you back

Vince- YErr your right ill ask her next time I see her

Mate- *Looks up at sky and gives up*

 

Ok its a joke but when I wached that skit it made me thing, you know Im like that I have mad idears running around my head, and Ive been hiding them for years, paul Whitehouse cam up with thows jokes in his head he sat down and came up with that joke, and righter, painters thats what they did played out there words and sceens all in there head, Im not nuts for doing this im just being artistic.

 

Then, things changed see in your head you rule you are king, happy or sad feelings there yours to rule as you see fit,

Its your mind and you are king there no other as domain.

 

In my head I could play over things in my life buy calling on other mes to put there point of view, playing deviles advecat if you will, not the voices of scisafrena but the internal debate of a sound mind.

 

from your post I know you have that gift like me you can hold in your head other times other places and play out storys words and deeds, see them and play them back refine and delibarate tham in detail.

 

What you have missed is the gift that was given you, you need to open that gift up use it and show others the stroys in your mind. They say to be a good writer wright about what you know, you have the stage all you need do now is put in words what you see in your head.

 

Your are a writer nothing you do will change that, god made you to be one and who are you to go againced the will of god.

 

now start and see where that path takes you.

 

 

Spugly

[Honey Pumpkin]

Hi timboo,

 

It's a good start to have got these thoughts written down, because it gives you something to work on.

 

Just a few quick thoughts: are you currently getting any help/support? I'm not a medical expert (or any other kind of expert!) but I wondered if you were seeing professionals at the moment, for the suicide attempt, aspergergers and other points in your post. Living in an imaginary world is satisfying, I can see that, but do you find your lines between reality and fantasy blurred?

 

I would suggest talking this through properly with your doctor, and asking him to refer you on to someone who can help you with this. But it's very important for you that you recognise that you are searching for ways to change and improve, and that you do realise that things are not as you want them. That's a good start - someone who reaches out for help can get it; someone who does not, well that's much harder.

 

Keep posting - there are always people here to talk to.

[Hope75]

Hey there and welcome.

 

I was going to ask the same thing- do you have any kind of support system?

 

Family, or any friends, even from a long time ago?

 

May I ask how you have been disabled? Does this prevent you from any kind of work?

[FCTex]

Do you look to other people for satisfaction in your own life?

 

As in, do you admire the people with the jobs, or the trophy wives, or the great sports car in the drive way? Do you feel that makes them happy and normal, while you feel absent of those?

 

You shouldn't look at life like that. Those guys with the great jobs, don't see their family.. Their kids live in daycare, and their mother sleeps with the pool guy...

 

The guy with trophy wife, lives a life of paranoia. Wondering if he can keep a last grip on his wife to keep her with him.

 

The fellow with the sports car, is up to his ears in debt, and constantly cries himself to sleep wondering how he'll keep the debtors off his back and his family..

 

 

Everyone have problems. Even the strongest people have the nastiest skelotons in their closet. You are not crazy, but probably lost and sad..

 

It's sad to hate to go out and life live. It's sad that somewhere along the lines you felt so low that you didn't want to live, and thankfully enough you failed at something. Your aspergers is probably one of the leading causes of the way you feel like you do. The lack of want to be socially involved, the feeling of being left alone, along with a whole lot of other things. Have you got this looked at? You could be nothing short of good talks with someone who understands and perhaps a prescription or two.

 

Your reaching out and you obvious see and want change in your life. Thats the hardest part.. But dont try and take it all at once..

[timboo]

Funnily enuff I have an appointment tomorrow with a psychologist, and a psychiatrist- I'll let you know how its goes.

[rocio]

I would say you're crazy and sad. But there isn't a single person in the world who's not crazy. There are disfunctional crazy people and functional crazy people. You might want to focus on becoming a little more functionally crazy.

 

For me, it helps to pretend life is a video game. I run around collecting gold coins and banging my head against bricks. It's fun, hehe.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Good news - you are not psychotic. If you really HAD lost all touch with reality, you woulnd't be lucid enough to post on here.

 

My thoughts on this would be that it depends whether or not a) you are hurting yourself/anyone else and b) how happy you are are the two factors that determine whether or not you need medical intervention.

 

No one will lie and say to live in a fantasy so deeply is normal, but if it's safe, legal and makes you happy, I'm a believer in choice for the individual, within limits.

 

However, it clearly can't be making you THAT happy, so you might benefit from re-enforcing connections to the real world. A psychologist/psychiatrist may be an excellent idea.

 

I have been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome myself - by default, we are in a world of our own anyway. It doesn't mean we are bad. Crazy, if crazy = deviant from norms..but not "bad".

[timboo]

thanks for replying. spoke to my psychologist. i am feeling so unbelievably empty right now, i truly am dead to the world. i am going to go along to a group for aspergers people in a week. probably a bunch of glue sniffing anoraks. i'm not expecting any miracles but it might be a bit of fun.

 

i would be content with half an hour of love and affection right now.

[rocio]

thanks for replying. spoke to my psychologist. i am feeling so unbelievably empty right now, i truly am dead to the world. i am going to go along to a group for aspergers people in a week. probably a bunch of glue sniffing anoraks. i'm not expecting any miracles but it might be a bit of fun.

 

i would be content with half an hour of love and affection right now.

 

I'm lovin you from up here in canada. hugs

[MewSkitty]

I posted about my Asperger's Syndrome I have, and someone gave me a link to your thread about you having it. I only read your first post, and nothing more. If you need more information about AS, please cunsolt this link, it helped me understand my Asperger's Syndrome a lot. I too have tried to kill myself once and it nearly did kill me. Looking back, I'm happy I lived, becvause now I have a very beautiful fiance which I talk to online every night. I can't wait to meet her! link removed

[FCTex]

Your planning to marry someone you haven't ever met before in person?

 

 

Sorry to change the subject, I just found that somewhat strange.

[Juliana]

The fantasy dinner parties are a coping mechanism. There's nothing wrong with that; typically, what lonely people need to do is add in to their lives, not subtract. You can continue doing whatever fantasizing you're comfortable with, but add in other activities; hobbies, sports, and interests. Where you need to cut back on the fantasy world is if it interferes with time you need to spend around other people or doing other things.

 

I don't know much about Asperger's, although I have an nephew with it, and he's one of my favourite nephews. I think people with Aspergers are too hard on themselves.