I need some help and some honest opinions

[Mike17]

I've been in a relationship for just over 3 years now. we are both 20 years old,

I have always been shy around women so she is my first relationship of anykind with the opposite sex. You honestly wouldn't believe how perfect we are for each other.

 

Lately I have been thinking that, maybe we aren't ment to be together, and how can I know for sure without the experiance of dating other women. So pretty much I've been wanting to get out there and meet new women. I feel terrible and the absolute last thing I want to do is hurt my girlfriend because I do still love her, there is nothing wrong with our relationship and I don't know why i'm not 100% happy.

 

I need some advice on what it is I should do, if I do end up breaking up with her, I want to stay friends and leave the door open for a reunion if possible, but I know she would be absolutly crushed if I broke up with her. I don't know what to do, please help.

[studmaster3265]

ok man first of all i think your over analyzing your relationship. if everything is great then let it be. My girlfriend did the exact same thing she was in your situation except she went through with the break she has been with 3 guys since me i was her first boyfriend and we broke up two years ago. now shes desperate always calling me always thinking about me, she said she wanted to see what else there is out there and she did except the only prob was that whenever she was with any one of her other boyfriends she would always call me to tell me how much she misses me. you might end up doing the same. i crushed for a while badly becuase i really loived her now im the one moving on and shes the one desperately wanted me. however this might not even be the case with your relationship but id you feel strongly opened to new poeple then talk about with your girlfriend but take it slow dont let her know you want to break up because you might just scare her off and then it will get bad. good luck

[AngelEyez]

Hey Mike,

 

Definitely don't risk your perfect relationship just to see what's out there. Let's think clearly here. What's the point of getting into a relationship? To find the perfect match, right? Someone who will keep you safe and happy. If you have a girlfriend that you're happy with, you shouldn't risk breaking up with her to go out with others. Are you guys like high school sweet hearts? That would be such a great story to tell the kids. That you both met in high school or something like that. You probably did things with her first, right? Don't sacrifice a fine and healthy 3 year relationship because you want to see what's out there. Big No No!

 

AngelEyez

[Meow18]

Weclome to Enotalone!

 

If you are having these kinds of doubts, then chances are you would be better off seeing what else is out there. If you don't, you will always wonder.

 

The thing is though, I doubt your girlfriend will want to remain friends. Could you imagine her being ok with you dating other girls, or could you even handle her being with other guys?

 

There's nothing abnormal about a young couple wondering what else is out there, especially when it's your first relationship and you have been together since you were 17 years old.

 

In my opinion, if things were perfect, then why risk it? But on the other hand, you ARE having these doubts and they won't just magically go away.

[AngelEyez]

You really shouldn't risk it though, even if you are having these doubts. There are so many people who wish they were in your position. There are so many people who are searching for "the one". Heck, maybe the chances are you have found "the one" when you were 17 years old. The possibilities are endless. Also, I agree with Meow18. She probably wouldn't stay friends with you, if you made your decision about seeing other people. If my boyfriend said that to me (we are in the exact same position as you), he'd get a swift kick in the nut sack . Seriously, he's my first boyfriend and I'm his first girlfriend. I've never even came close to thinking about what else is out there, because he's perfect for me. I don't know his thoughts on this, but if he would ever bring it up and break up with me, I'd be devastated, and think he made the stupidest decision in his life. I wouldn't even talk to him after that. I'd think he was dumber than a rock. To be honest, if he wanted to get back together with me after he was finished "exploring for girls", I wouldn't give him a second chance. But, maybe your girl is different.

 

AngelEyez

[Caterina]

If you are wondering whats out there, you should go see whats out there. BUt be willing to face the consequences of that decision. At the same time, you aren't married to her.

[Momene]

This view is alternative to the others who may shoot me down in flames but I'm being honest here and (I hope!) not too cynical. You're both 20. You've probably BOTH changed a lot in the last 3 years but equally you may have been stifling change in yourselves and each other and been prevented from growing up. As someone who isn't on his first serious relationship but on his 4th, I can say:

 

1. Nobody is "The One" but one of "The Few"

 

2. You meet one of "The Few" when you are 17 and its right. You will change a lot as you get older. I met my current partner when I was 33 and I'm now 51 and things have changed A LOT in that time. It could be that even at 20, the girl you thought was right 3 years ago may not be so right now and may well be wrong in another 3 years

 

3. Partners are replaceable

 

4. You cannot keep her hanging in the background while seeing what else is out there. You could do it secretly but it's just not right

 

There is a risk that you could split and spend years trying to find a replacement that was as perfect as she is for the rest of your life BUT ...

 

the odds are in 6/12 months time you'll be with someone else and wonder what was so great about her anyway.

 

I know it's tough but good luck.

 

Note also that if you were married and/or had kids, my advice would be VERY different.

[Mike17]

Thanks for you help everyone, srry I was away for so long, had to go to class,

 

to be honest concerning the whole thing, I think its not so much that i'm wondering whats out there, I think it's more i'm wondering if could ever even get another women to be interested in me. Like I said before, I have very little experiaence and have always been really shy and not confident at all when it comes to women.

 

I think a part of me just wants to know that if we met today for first time, she would be genuinly attracted to me, and also that other women could be interested in me. I dunno i guess its all a self-esteem issue.

 

Anyway thanks again for all your advice.

[freedom]

i agree with momene here.

There isn't the such thing as 'the one' there is the few.

This is a decision that you hae to make alone and face it alone, but if you do step out you will have to make a clean break. You cnnot be friends with her until MUCH LATER on.

I supose if she is the only one then ou would not be wondering if there is more out there.

[Momene]

Thanks for you help everyone, srry I was away for so long, had to go to class,

 

to be honest concerning the whole thing, I think its not so much that i'm wondering whats out there, I think it's more i'm wondering if could ever even get another women to be interested in me. Like I said before, I have very little experiaence and have always been really shy and not confident at all when it comes to women.

 

I think a part of me just wants to know that if we met today for first time, she would be genuinly attracted to me, and also that other women could be interested in me. I dunno i guess its all a self-esteem issue.

 

Anyway thanks again for all your advice.

 

If you can get ONE person interested in you, you can get more. There's a VERY small number of people who are very unattractive but nearly everyone has beholders.