Feedback Urgently Needed!!

[hugmeup]

I think that so many women would love to know that a man feels so deeply about her. I don't know how long you were together, why she broke up with you or how solid your relationship was before the breakup. Anyway, I think it is important for her to know your feelings. Then she can make a decision based on your honesty with her.

[TheRedQueen]

I think that so many women would love to know that a man feels so deeply about her. I don't know how long you were together, why she broke up with you or how solid your relationship was before the breakup. Anyway, I think it is important for her to know your feelings. Then she can make a decision based on your honesty with her.

Yeah, great first post hugmeup, I agree, but Captain34's been pretty indecisive about telling her this and she's been pretty indecisive with him.

[hugmeup]

I hadn't read everything before I posted and yes what you say is true Red Queen. Captain at this point, you have done all you can do. Now is the time to wait just a bit and if she does not respond to your call then you will have to deal with the feelings and emotions of it being absolutely over but at least you won't be so up in the air about everything and you will know that you gave it your best shot. Tex is so very right you did it all and now its up to her.

[Captain34]

so with perspective i feel like the biggest obstacle is that my ex and i are both young which brings along, for both of us, the desire to not be locked into a relationship.

 

im not giving up on this. at the very least i will not accept that thigs have to be so negative. first of all, my 2 months of NC made me realze how important and necessary that time was for both her and i. moreover, i know that things will still need more time.

 

there is no reason for her to ignore me. she is not mean spirited, i dont believe she is purposefully trying to play games. i believe she is still having a hard time dealing with the whole issue, and at times it seems like it is easiest for her to put it to bed. time and space is important, i understand taht. but she was the one to initiate contact between us after a couple of months of NC. thus, she still has the desire to see me, no doubt. thats what i could see in her eyes - i strongly believe she still loves me.

 

i would like to reconcile, but i kow pushing things is not the way to go. besides, itll never work unless she makes teh decision to come back towards me herself.

 

right now all the bs needs to be put aside. she and i should be able to enjoy each others company over some coffee at this point. i dont want to speak about the past, not even get into a rough discussion about the present - this topic would not even need to be breached had it not been for the downturn things seemed to have taken.

 

im thinking about writing her an email. believe me, id much rather talk with her in person and could show up and do so if i wanted to. i have no qualms with speaking with her in person, but i think she would take that as me reverting back to pushing to try and get her back.

 

this events of the past few weeks really riled me up and got under my skin. i was bothered by things when i really shouldnt be. we arent together and things are as bad as they can really get. im glad now that ive recollected myself and my thoughts and am pretty darn sure that what i want to do is the right thing to do.

 

im tired of being indecisive, my gut is usually on point with this whole situation. thing is in the past my emotions clouded my judgement, but now I believe I've got that under control.

[FCTex]

Your grabbing at straws Captain.

 

You were only indecisive on what you wanted to do.. You figured it out that you wanted her back. You felt she made some moves towards you, and felt you were on stable enough ground to make a go at it. She retracted and you went for the big one, and called her.

 

You put the ball in her court. If you haven't gotten anything back, I really would just assume that she doesn't want anything to work out. It might not be because she's upset over it all and needs more time. If that were the case, why would she interact with you out in public on more than a few occasions?

 

I don't know how you say she still has the desire to see you when she told you friend she didn't want to see you out, and she hasn't contact you back since your voicemail. Your indenial about her feelings towards you.

 

I know what it feels like to see and KNOW someone so well and so pure. But when she has NO clue what she wants to do and she's doing nothing but playing around and being fickle, you certainly can't forcast ANY behavior or feelings from her.

 

You really should do like she is, and take a page out of her book.. Sit back and do nothing.. You have some wonderful moments where you talk of persuing other women and going out and being fine. Get to that point. Your just harboring false pretenses by explaining her lack of action to everyone and yourself.

 

 

hugmeup and Redqueen,

 

Regardless of how much you let a women know you care or anything, it still doesn't change the way she's going to react and decide to change her mind about making reconcilliation. I could have screamed into my ex's face for hours on end, on how much I loved her. At one point after our break up, I honestly would have taken a bullet for her, and paid 3x's my lifetimes income to make her happy.. It did nothing but prove to her she could run my life from a remote, that she didn't have to show me * * * * but just a little attention every once in a bluemoon to keep me "wishing for more" and to give her "time to decide".

 

 

It's pretty much almost the same instance that the captain is going through. Thats why his situation really hits me in the hard spot.

[Captain34]

i hear you out tehre FCTex, i really do. im probably going to do nothing and let the situation go for a while, but that does absolutely not mean im done with all this. i feel much better about it all than i did a couple months back, but I'm not over and done with this. Maybe I'm setting myself up for some sh*tiness down the road, but I care too much. I can't change that right now. Perhaps my feelings will change on their own in the future.

 

I don't know what to do....if I in fact do something. For one, no more voicemails. An email is an option, but whats the use? Even so, I'd say either an email or to seek her out in person. I'd much rather have the talk in person, but then again I don't know. It is important for me to be composed enough not to get back into pushing again and again for something.

 

Again, I'm not done with this. I'm a fighter and I never give up on something I want. Never have, never will. Question is if thats the case is it still best to lay off all this for a while? And if I do lay off it for a while whats the next step after that?

[FCTex]

You are setting yourself up, not for * * * * in the future, for the whole road TO it... You won't ever feel content and happy knowing you have something like this looming over your head and in your coming days... It's okay to feel like your not done and that you can't and won't give up.. But when is enough, enough already?

 

You'll have to give up when she gets a boyfriend, or moves away, or gets a restraining order. Not that it will come to that, but quite honestly, you can't put your daily focus on chasing something that doesn't want to be chased by you.. You shouldn't have to chase, you shouldn't have to walk on egg shells to talk to her, and you shouldn't have to feel like this and decided to pack it up and wait another 2 weeks or 2 months till she notices you out in public again and drinks out of your cup and gives you a look.

 

Your right, voicemails are a no-go. So are e-mails and so are smoke signals. So it trying to hunt her down while going to class, and it's just not cool to talk to her through her friends. Basically you need to just let it die.. Whats there to say? You've said more than a breathful to her and got nothing, not even a no.. You can talk to her over coffee till your blue in the face, but, whats the purpose? You left her a voicemail after all the antics you had the weeks prior and you've got nothing back from her?!

 

 

You need to go back to where you were weeks ago, before you even saw her in the bars.. Your next step is to be progressive in what your doing, not regressive in your actions.

 

You won't give up, I understand that. I even feel you on that, and for the life of me wish you the best with it all. I would have been jealous as * * * * to come on here and see that she called you, you met up and had a great talk and are daily talking and working towards a goal of reconcilliation.

 

BUT.... None has taken place and nothing she's done points towards that...

 

When will you stop hurting yourself?

[Captain34]

i let things goonce without being told it was something i had to do. and then after a while she brings it all back again. honestly i am tired of all this. if she is done and doesnt want me in her life at all she should have the gal to say it to me.

 

i really dont think i am going to do anything, but man do i have the URGE to do soemthing. an email? i basically want to call her out for being immature and ignoring me when i really, really wasnt pushing anything. i want to tell her that if she is going to continue down this same road she is going to burn the bridge between us. the thing is i know she still has feelings there.

 

f*ck. what i need is something from her that either acknowledges her desire to at least work out friendly terms or for her to tell me she doesnt want me in her life again.

 

i know, i know. im just really pissed off right now!

[Captain34]

alright now, what if i told you i was sure this thing wasnt over yet? i know im gonna see her around eventually, plus we have so many mutual friends. i can sit back and do nothing and just focus on my own business, i just keep thinking that inaction means its all gonna fade away.

 

what i really need to do is get a boost of confidence and take care of my own business knowing that she'll get back at me.

 

btw, ive got a date on wednesday. during my period of nc i really didnt pursue other women, i even avoided hooking up with a couple ladies who are acquaintances with my ex - i didnt want to blow any chance of it working out. now im gonna do my own thing. finding out about me with other women will drive her nuts im sure. let her deal with the consequences of her own actions. and no, im not going to throw anything in her face tomake her jealous or hurt her, i just really want some loving right now. adios, ima go make a call

[FCTex]

Captain,

 

Women will string you along, for a variety of reasons. It could be to keep you around incase something happens to their dating situation. Sometimes they keep you strung along because it's easier for things to drop off if no one messes with the situation... In most cases, they get a sick level of satisfaction knowing they have some pathetic sap sitting at home, missing them and trying to get to them.

 

Do what you want to contact her. No one person, or piece of advice is going to alter what you really want to do in the end.

 

She knows she's burning the bridge.. If she honestly gave a damn about the situation, she'd fix it. Is she? Is she with you? Are ya'll talking? Nope..

 

You might be right, she has feelings for you.. Maybe it's just wanting to keep it friendly for the future. Maybe she's got enough respect for you because your bull headed, to just let you work it out on your own and stay away. My ex did that.. Albeit she strung me along for months and month before I realized I was wasting my time..

 

Keep in mind, you mentioned you saw some friendly conversations on her facebook... You blow it off as nothing, but you have no clue whats really going on, and to your dismay, regardless of how friendly it is or not, she's atleast talking and acknowledging that guy... Did she ever respond to you? Nope..

 

As for this thing being over, nope it's not. You won't let it die. You keep dragging it around with you everday like that dirty little blanket. She's not doing anything, so she's gave up dude.. Your the one making a deal about it.

 

I did the same thing to an extent, and when I finally realized that all was quiet on the front when I stopped with the * * * *, it was much easier to get over everything, date around and move on.. On the rare occasion she'd contact me, I was so far then and so pissed with her I didn't care to talk to her..

 

 

So basically dude, your beating this dead horse. I can't see ANY reason for this to continue. Your the one dragging it out. You need to figure out if all this * * * * is worth it to continue being so upset every week.

 

Your defending your ex to the bone, yet your speaking for the feelings you "assume" she has... What has she done to prove any of this currently?

 

Go out on your dates. I'd suggest you go back to NC with your ex. Forget her. Write her an e-mail, but don't send it. Get it all out. Don't save her feelings, get out what you want to say. Regardless if you see her out, with your mutual friends or not, just smile and be cordial, but that doesn't mean hug her, share drinks, kiss, talk it up, or anything.. Saying Hi, waving, or any other low key acknowledgement is fine to be polite. But your only digging up problems trying to pry anything out of it.

 

 

Listen to yourself. Let her realize she messed up. Let her see what she's missing out on. Let her see you on the other side of the burned bridge... and you'll realize any woman who doesn't see you worth their time, or that wants to see you happy and content, isn't worth your time.

[TheRedQueen]

hugmeup and Redqueen,

 

Regardless of how much you let a women know you care or anything, it still doesn't change the way she's going to react and decide to change her mind about making reconcilliation. I could have screamed into my ex's face for hours on end, on how much I loved her. At one point after our break up, I honestly would have taken a bullet for her, and paid 3x's my lifetimes income to make her happy.. It did nothing but prove to her she could run my life from a remote, that she didn't have to show me * * * * but just a little attention every once in a bluemoon to keep me "wishing for more" and to give her "time to decide".

Well, hate to say it, but it sounds like your ex was not the kindest person, in fact she sounds quite cold and manipulative, sorry. There are however, a lot of kind-hearted receptive ladies out there who would absolutely appreciate hearing how their respective boyfriends and,or exes truly felt for them. There are those of us who play games and there are those of us who do not. If you fall for a girl who tends to play games, you should expect to get hurt.

[FCTex]

I loved that girl every inch of my body. I'm no sissy guy, and that girl broke me down to tears more times in my life than death, despair and hard times had ever, total.

 

My lip would quiver at the mere thought of how much I loved her. I'd die for her over and over again. I'd travel to the Artic to get her a popsicle if thats what she wanted.. I thought she was the most beautiful woman ever, that I hardly ever noticed any others around me.. I'd break down in the car, at work, in the shower, with my family, my friends.. my dog.. I'd sit there and cry my eyes out when it went down hill..

 

However, in the end, I found her to play games when she didn't want it all anymore. It would take me 4 lifetimes to erase the memories I cherished, but it took her mere days/weeks to trash it all.... I could read her like a book, I knew her almost as good as she's let others to know. I was her best friends, her closest person. I knew her inside and out. To this day, if I had two different things for her to choose, I could pick it what she'd like.

 

 

Thats why I'm so strong about wanting to help Captain. I know what it feels like to love someone and know them so well, after such a prolific relationships, only to see them turn a blind eye and ear to the situation and leave it be, to walk away and act like nothing happened and will happen.

 

It's a sickness to walk away from, that nothing good long term will come from. Just being guilty of loving someone that didn't want to love me harder back.

[Captain34]

first off, of all the enotaloners out there, its been FCTex and RedQueen who have been of the greatest help to me. thanks for getting my back Tex, id bet if we were went to school together we'd be good friends. and thanks for being so sweet RedQueen - I like your look and I hope you know you look good.

 

so just when I was about to reach my breaking point, an old fling called me out of the blue tonight. she is a gorgeous sweet girl, but I never gave her a chance because I was so caught up on my ex. not sure where I want to take this thing, but I did get some much needed lovin tonight.

 

I'm not gonna do anything for the time being in regards to my ex. both her and i have to see what its really like for me to let it all go!

 

that doesnt mean i'm done posting, so you all keep up with my updates. and of course, holla at me if i can be of any help to you.

[Captain34]

btw, ive never really let this thing go. whenever my ex has seen or heard about me with another woman she has been an absolute mess. im not gonna try and play her to make her jealous, but im not gonna go out of my way to hide it from her. if she wants me to be the one to protect her then she can be the one giving me some lovin.

 

my ex is not cruel or mean spirited. she is just young and immature in these areas. ima put my personal guarantee on the fact that ill hear from her down the road. i know thatll be the case. thing is im not gonna wait for that.

[TheRedQueen]

and thanks for being so sweet RedQueen - I like your look and I hope you know you look good.

Too sweet,

 

so just when I was about to reach my breaking point, an old fling called me out of the blue tonight. she is a gorgeous sweet girl, but I never gave her a chance because I was so caught up on my ex. not sure where I want to take this thing, but I did get some much needed lovin tonight.

Good for you!!! You deserve it!

 

btw, ive never really let this thing go. whenever my ex has seen or heard about me with another woman she has been an absolute mess. im not gonna try and play her to make her jealous, but im not gonna go out of my way to hide it from her. if she wants me to be the one to protect her then she can be the one giving me some lovin.

 

my ex is not cruel or mean spirited. she is just young and immature in these areas. ima put my personal guarantee on the fact that ill hear from her down the road. i know thatll be the case. thing is im not gonna wait for that.

Now PLEASE stick with this train of thought!!! Good luck Captain!

[Captain34]

RedQueen, how old are you?? im thinkin 25 or 26??

[TheRedQueen]

I'm thinkin you're close, but no cigar.

[FCTex]

I'm glad your getting to a crossroad and decided to just forget it.. With time, I'm willing to bet you wont even bother trying to reconcile once you get on with your life full time..

 

You shake your head now.. and I have a feelings your not done with her, but only because your going to jump at the first or second chance you get when she hears about you getting involved with someone else?

 

 

Lemme ask you... If you got involved with another woman... and your ex came back around like she did this time, but maybe with some more contact. But still couldn't put her finger on what she wanted to do..

 

Would you drop your new flame for a chance with her again?

[TheRedQueen]

So basically the question is, is this girl worth it, and is the love you feel for her genuine? In a perfect world where you had the option to decide your fate, would you choose to be with her indefinitely? Is she (her essense, the person that she is) that special?

[Captain34]

is i was to develop something serious with someone else then no i wouldnt drop the new flame...but I wouldnt let something serious develop unless someone new got to me more than my ex does. im trying to see what other women are available, but im not planning to use anyone to get back to me ex.

 

this isnt a perfect world, but i believe whoelheartedly that i do decide my own fate. yes, she is worth it to me.

[Captain34]

well then my first guess would be to say 24, but then again you are clearly more mature than that. save that cigar for all the beautiful, level-headed women out there

[Davis]

Captain34....these could be my words. I am a woman but you have summed up my experience w/my ex. I went off on a tailspin last ngiht just because I saw him at a meeting (co-workers) and he offered to pick up a box for me. Then I heard he felt "alone" because he wasn't invited to go out with a group of us after the meeting. He had a talking to from the boss, now this so I felt bad for him and did the stupidest thing and emailed him today. You will never get the response you want; and I am killing myself with the what-if's and the why's.

Add in that it appears he's in an emotional affair at least with a married co-worker so it's killing me all the time; at home and at work. But I was doing pretty good, then blew it today with emails to him AND her looking for some kind of explanation where there is none.

 

What I'm trying to say is reading your words and state of mind - I saw myself - and the torture I am going through over a man who has CHOSEN TO WALK AWAY FROM ME. Why do I have to jump at every little crumb he throws my way?

 

FCTex: You give tough-love and that's what I need to hear, I am going to print this thread out and read and re-read tonight so I will not go to the bar I know they are at right now; it's as simple as that; if he wanted to be with me he would. We were together 3.5 years; he dumped me because I was too old for him....he will be 30 soon (and is freaking out about it) and I am 47.

 

Everybody says he really blew it, even his best friend told him he was a jerk for stringing me along for so long. He knew how old I was when we got together; it's really hard but I was getting better until I saw him and blew it.

[Captain34]

Davis, I am sorry to hear you are going through a rouhg time. Keep your head up and let us know if we can be of any additional help.

 

RedQueen, why did you ask me if she is worth it to me and if my love is genuine?

[Captain34]

notting hill is the ONLY chick flick that i have ever liked....

[TheRedQueen]

well then my first guess would be to say 24, but then again you are clearly more mature than that. save that cigar for all the beautiful, level-headed women out there

B-I-N-G-O!!!!