Feedback Urgently Needed!!

[Survictor]

You relationship ended a long time ago and the fact that you don't want it to end and keep imagining a new beginning with her means that although it has ended for her; it hasn't for you.

 

Even in a small town, there are places to take your new date where you won't be surrounded with your ex and her friends. It isn't fair to put your date in that horrible situation.

 

It is in fact, extremely selfish to do that to another person who maybe have hopes that you and she can get together just in the hope that your ex will see or someone will tell her. It also means that you are still clinging to something that doesn't exist any longer.

 

Also, if you think that your ex doesn't know that you are parading your date in order to make her jealous, then I have a feeling you are very much mistaken. Flying 2k to see her states your intentions clearly as do turning up where she is, bumping into her accidentally on purpose etc.

 

I also have a feeling that you are imagining what your ex is thinking and feeling more than anything else and this is really unhealthy for you and for her.

 

In your heart, you know IT IS OVER. However much you try to tell yourself differently, IT IS OVER.

 

It might help if you were to seek counselling.

[Captain34]

woooooooooooooooooah buddy, cool your jets.

 

first of all, ive made the effort to go out to places where I dont think my ex will be. Ive even avoided going to places at times when I know she wil be there. As far as my date goes, I met her at the bar she always goes to with her friends on Thursdays. I didn't suggest th eplace, I just met her there, and I didn't know my ex would be there. I knew there would be a chance, but cmon.

 

First post, no problem. Last post survictor, and you started to piss me off.

[Captain34]

](*,)

 

sorry survictor. while i disagreed with a lot of what you said, i appreciate you adding your thoughts.

 

i really don't think my approach is hurting anyone, except maybe myself. I am offended when someone suggests that my actions are hurting someone else.

 

yes, its clear that i am still caught up on this, but despite my posts, i really dont feel that im acting inappropriately in a way that hurts anyone else.

 

My ex has never asked me for more space. I've respected that, admittedly with some mistakes this summer. So I really don't think I am disrespecting her in any way.

 

I felt that sending a text on the holiday was the right thing to do, but I received so much advice against it. I don't understand that. I don't want to play games, but it seems like holding back draws them nearer. Any thoughts?

 

A lot of the advice on these threads deal with breakups as absolute finalities, and I can understand that. But don't many good relationships begin on and on-and-off basis?

 

I often get the feeling taht the reason communication bewteen her and I is difficult because I am so caught up in thinking about the whole mess that I'm not being myself. I mean, I can understand not wanting to speak on the phone if I ignore her in person. I have been wondering what to do now - I know she'll be going back home for at least a month just before Christmas.

 

I think I'm just going to let it sit and try and focus on something else for now. I may run into her, and I know we've both been invited by a friend to an event. Perhaps just wait until then to talk to her in person to get a feel for things.