Jump to content

Feedback Urgently Needed!!


Recommended Posts

Hey All,

 

I had been in NC with my ex for almost two months when she started coming back into my life in a sense. I ran into her several times and she was being very friendly. It took me off guard at first, but we had a great conversation and things seemed cool. But then over the next few meetings I was very reserved and realize I wasn't giving the true impression that I intended. I am happy to move things forward with my ex but I was being cautious as to not get hurt again. Plus my ex was also sending some signals that seemed to be more than just friendly. I just needed to get my head straight...

 

In teh meantime a friend of mine was very blunt with her, asking what the deal was between us. I wish he had not done that. I wanted to contact her on my own schedule and not have it appear to be a response to something like that. My friend spoke with her earlier today.

 

So after much dilemma I decided I would give her a call and just straight up apologize if I seemed cold, I didn't mean to be that way. i wanted to tell her that I am glad we seem to both be comfortable chilling together and that things are cool. I thought it would be best to leave it at that and not to suggest another get together.

 

So now before bed I couldnt resist the urge to check her online profile. Of course, she has a message from some guy I don't know say "if i wrote you a symphony...". I will admit that hurts. It could mean absolutely squat, but the fact that it could mean something hurts. I am at the point where I can handle that...but now I'm saying damn, if I call her maybe she will think its only because of this message? Maybe I am making a big deal out of all of this, I don't know. I just finally came to the conclusion that I should extend myself out a bit - I just don't want a call to seem like its coming just as a reaction to these other events and not of my own thought out volition!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 152
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

"if I wrote you a symphony" where do I know that line from, can't put my finger on it but at the very least you should know that this guy is a plagiarist.

 

I agree with the advice you are giving yourself, you are definitely focusing too much of your attention on your ex. Do yourself a favor and stop looking at her online profile, come on now, you're asking for pain and hurt by doing that.

 

I say calm down, take a deep breath and start planning your "vacation" from your ex.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So I made a phone call today, left a breif message asking her to call me back. I would be surprised if she didn't. I'm gonna tell her that it was cool seeing her, my bad that I wasn't as friendly as I would have liked to have been. Then tell her if she wants to chill then give me a call, otherwise I'm glad things seem to be going well for her.

 

To be honest I just want to sit her down and find out straight up for sure where the hell things stand and what she wants. I don't care if she is confused, I am just sick of reading into things and not having a mature conversation about all this. I wish I hadn't allowed myself to get so caught up in this again! Perhaps she was just trying to be friendly...but I've gotten a great deal of feedback that there was something more going on based on a lot of her actions.

 

Up until yesterday I was doing fine with things. I knew I had to take some sort of action, but I was waiting for the right time for me. Now after the last 24 hours I've taken a big hit. It is remarkable how much the situation changes in parallel with my confidence.

 

I could really use some more feedback...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

ahh one more thing.

 

i was doing so much better with my NC, and then BANG, she puts herself right back in my line of vision. To be honest though I was at the point where NC was getting to seem old. I was ready to take a small step, but she took a big leap.

 

part of me just wants to say stay the hell away, i dont want to be consumed by this anymore. but i still want to be with her. more importantly i still want her in my life as a "friend" i have read soem many threads here and they have helped a great deal in the past, but now i am just absolutely unclear about what to do! I know some of you may suggest i tell her straight up to stay away so i can heal. first, i dont want to admit how much this bothers me - not because i am afraid of being honest, but because i don't want to lay my feelings out and get a guarded response from her. secondly, i dont want to ruin any chances for reconciliation.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I knew this was going to happen, and I'm going to save the, I told you so for later.

 

Basically you've crossed the line.

 

If your ex had no intention of reconcilliation and wasn't planning on getting back together, you've now blown any chance of being 'cool' about it. Thanks to your friend, a red fllag has been thrown and your cover has been blown. If it wasn't obvious to her before, she now knows she has you where ever she wants you.

 

To add the fuel to the fire, it's obvious your falling farther and farther down bro. Your grasping at straws trying to keep things in check, only your freaking out.

 

You've called her, and depending on what you said, you've given ALL of the power back to her in terms of control.

 

I mean, honestly, look at where you stand with it all?

 

She broke up with you. You were "okay" for a while. You go NC.. She "randomly" shows up around you. You and your friends act "okay" with her around you. She hooks you back in, never uttering a word or sign about reconcilliation. You follow, you look her up online and snoop, and your hurt. You call. You get no call back..

 

I'm just going to be honest here bro, and for whats it's really, really worth to you.

 

Just walk away.. Go back to what you were doing before all of this. You can't be friends with this girl. It's going to be a relationship or get on the ship. Ship out, or shape up. You have too much heart for this girl to continue to attempt to be friends. It's a half hearted attempt to keep your wet grip on her.

 

If she's oblivious to your advancements, and if indeed you weren't reading her wrong, and she was trying to get on the level of talking to you and getting things working, then it's obvious this isn't what she wants to do.

 

If she doesn't call you back, or just calls you back and has a normal random conversation and ignores any of the "real" issues you want to talk about then just get off the phone. Don't try and be her friend. You can't do it. You'll forever feel like this even longer.

 

 

You say you were ready for something to happen.. What was it? You took a step, and she didn't do jack man. She's just randomly showed up to places your at and from it seems you still keep the same company as her, so it's obvious it's not that random, but just common sense that it was bound to.

 

 

Your going to get hurt again if you don't step back man.. She might run with this a little longer and keep the drama that you said you kinda liked.... But it's not all fun and games now when it hurts.

 

I wish you the best man.. I really do, I just hate to see someone else have the fork in the road and for them to carry on the wrong way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

thanks for your thoughts man.

 

when i called i just left a brief message saying for her to get back to me. you are right, everything she was doing wasn't random, not at all. i was honestly so stunned that i backed away myself and feel as if i gave the message for her to keep back. i wasnt as "friendly" as she was trying to be, but thats only out of caution.

 

if she doesnt get back to me...she doesn't get back to me. at that point i am just going to let it go. eventually ill hear back from her or i will run into her. question is how i decide to interact with her when i do see her - do i act friendly and ignore the fact that she didnt call? do i ignore her totally? or rather do i act friendly and just add a side note that i didnt appreciate her not getting back to me...???

 

if she does call me back im going to pick up and speak with her. i dont know if i want to try and setup a face to face, but im not going to play games anymore by calling one day then ignoring her return call.

 

i was trying to play it cool , but i dont want to play games. i dont want to rehash the past, but i dont also want to ignore my i really feel. i hate, absolutely more than anything, the fact that she and i can go through periods like the last two weeks and not have an honest, direct conversation about things. thats what i want to do, but i know that isnt going to solve anything. its just going to make the situation worse.

 

i realize i made things slightly awkward the last night i saw her. that was my bad, give me a break. I think i should tell her that i realize it, its my bad, and even though i wasnt out of line i just wanted to say whats up so shell know things are cool between us. then maybe add that i didnt want her to think otherwise so i thought it best to be clear about it - being clear and direct is what id like to happen from both sides.

 

i want to ask her why after 2 months of NC she starts showing up again? if she blames it on coincidence i want to call her out on that, but i dont even think i should mention the change. i feel like she will get defensive and its a step backward. all that is important is that she did not do enough for me to find it acceptable to broach the subject of reconciliation, or rather anything too serious. i am happy that things seemed to be getting cooler between us, but I cannot take an inital signal of goodwill as something more.

 

i was upset about this, pretty upset to be honest, but ive gained some perspective on things after a couple days of thought. now i just want to let it go for a while.

 

one more thing, if i hear back from her should i mention that third parties (our friends) getting involved is a pain, but that i want her to know that it wasnt motivated by any request from me. one of her friends was very blunt and rude with me in the past and i completely let that go. i could mention im sure she wasnt behind that either...in daying this i can basically establish that nothing changes between us unless its done by either her or myself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

one other thing, do you all think i jumped the gun and didnt give it enough time to play out? after seeing her for the first time i saw her 4 or 5 more times the same week. some was coincidence, some was on her part, some was on my own.

 

i hate playing games, but i feel like when love is involved you have to tango a bit, no?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So something hit me tonight. Maybe its just a passing thught, maybe its a paradigm shift. I don't know yet.

 

My ex is so wondeful in so many ways. I fell in love with her because she was so strong and independent. But at the same time, she still has her insecurties, and she wanted me because I have the characteristic to just do what needs to be done. I am not arrogant, but I am viewed as a guy who is rock solid and perseverses because I'vefaced some sh*t in my day, believe me. Its just this girl got into my heart and she can just break me down and my defenses like no one else around. She's tough, but she's still a girl at heart. It all reminds me of the Bob Dylan song "Just Like a Woman." Please trust me ladies, what I am trying to say is a compliment. I hope I am getting my message accross.

 

I've posted here like crazy the past few weeks because I've seen a change in my ex's actions. I've been wanting reassurance that her signs mean something. But you know....I don't need that. She is still in love with me, I see it in her eyes. If there wasn't that strong connection between us than it wouldn't still be there. We wouldn't have gotten back togetehr the last time.

 

Her father left her mother for his secretary, then ran off and started a new family. My ex is close with her father, but I know this has always been a big thing for her. I don't even think she is consciously aware of that.

 

She is so indecisive it drives me crazy. But the thing is I haven't done what I have needed to do. I haven't taken control of the situation and done what has needed to be done: put my wants aside, be honest, and confront her like i have been afraid to do. I shouldn't be afraid to tell her i am still in love with her, and I shouldn't lack the confidence to tell her I know she still loves me. I should be able to tell her that despite all this, what is going on now with her indecisiveness is not acceptable.

 

Either she accepts and lives with her decision to end things and not have me be a part of her life, or she admits how much she loves me and stops being afraid to put herself out there. I am not saying I am 100% sure it will work out forever, but she doesn't have to be afraid of me abandoning her.

 

But if she can't be strong enough to make a decision herself, I have to man up and make clear that we are both to go our separate ways and lead separate lives completely. That is not what I want and it kills me to think this will close the door on reconciliation when it doesn't seem she has closed the door herself. I just don't want to feel that hurt you all can understand.

 

I am being much more decisive and bold with these thoughts, and I could really use your help out there on this one, even if its only a one sentence reply. I still just don't know if this is the road to travel.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My ex is so wondeful in so many ways. I fell in love with her because she was so strong and independent. But at the same time, she still has her insecurties, and she wanted me because I have the characteristic to just do what needs to be done. I am not arrogant, but I am viewed as a guy who is rock solid and perseverses because I'vefaced some sh*t in my day, believe me. Its just this girl got into my heart and she can just break me down and my defenses like no one else around. She's tough, but she's still a girl at heart. It all reminds me of the Bob Dylan song "Just Like a Woman." Please trust me ladies, what I am trying to say is a compliment. I hope I am getting my message accross.

Oh you're getting your message accross alright, big time!

 

I've posted here like crazy the past few weeks because I've seen a change in my ex's actions. I've been wanting reassurance that her signs mean something. But you know....I don't need that. She is still in love with me, I see it in her eyes. If there wasn't that strong connection between us than it wouldn't still be there. We wouldn't have gotten back togetehr the last time.

 

She is so indecisive it drives me crazy. But the thing is I haven't done what I have needed to do. I haven't taken control of the situation and done what has needed to be done: put my wants aside, be honest, and confront her like i have been afraid to do. I shouldn't be afraid to tell her i am still in love with her, and I shouldn't lack the confidence to tell her I know she still loves me. I should be able to tell her that despite all this, what is going on now with her indecisiveness is not acceptable.

 

Either she accepts and lives with her decision to end things and not have me be a part of her life, or she admits how much she loves me and stops being afraid to put herself out there. I am not saying I am 100% sure it will work out forever, but she doesn't have to be afraid of me abandoning her.

 

But if she can't be strong enough to make a decision herself, I have to man up and make clear that we are both to go our separate ways and lead separate lives completely. That is not what I want and it kills me to think this will close the door on reconciliation when it doesn't seem she has closed the door herself. I just don't want to feel that hurt you all can understand.

 

I am being much more decisive and bold with these thoughts, and I could really use your help out there on this one, even if its only a one sentence reply. I still just don't know if this is the road to travel.

I fully have your back. What you have stated above I believe would be every girls fantasy-come-true. Upon reading this, I kid you not, I felt a brief wave of jealousy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

RedQueen, thank you for your kind words.

 

I truly want to say something like this to my ex, but I have my doubts about doing so. First, I feel that by doing so I would be setting myself up to be hurt again if I don't get a favorable response from her. Second, against my better judgement I have checked her online profile. There has been some friendly dialogue with some other men that really gets to me. It may very well be nothing more than friendliness, but the truth is I don't know. However, my ex did once say that she thought a guy would find a woman more attractive if other men were interested in her. ](*,) The thing is, I looked back on the period of NC I had with her and there was none of this. It seems like this sort of thing only surfaces after she sees me or doesn't get the response I assume she wants from me.

 

Could she just be doing this to make me jealous? Is she doing this just to feel better about the situation with me?

 

I really want to take action with this situation, but I'm not sure if I should do this via voicemail emai, etc. I have called her and she hasn't gotten back to me - whats the deal with that?

 

RedQueen, when you talk about my words being every girl's fantasy, how do you mean? I suppose I am second guessing myself now that I shouldn't hold back or be less confident than my gut tells me to be.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Captain,

 

First off, you can have this happen any way you want. And I mean that.

 

You need to eitheir step up, or sit down at this point. Your listening to your heart and I can tell you have the deepest love for this women, but realize you can't SHAKE it into someone who's so undecisive.

 

I too know the feeling of abandonment. Knowing what you know about the other person, knowing what she's feeling, what she would lean towards doing. Knowing the personal heartfelt connection.

 

Knowing that the door wasn't closed... I do want you to keep in mind, that the door might not EVER be closed for there to be an empty room behind in. It's whats in the room, behind the door that matters, not just the position of it. Catch what I'm saying?

 

Do you feel that by letting out what you need to say will sway her? If so, do you really want her to have to be persuaded to make a decision? It can go both ways, the fire can backdraft too..

 

I believe that if your gut is right, and you feel so strongly now about this, that you need to make something of it. The longer you wait, the crappier you feel about it. I can tell in your posts your loosing steam.

 

You don't want to be hurt, no one does, and I don't want to see you hurt. All of your healing and the like will be shattered once you make the "walk". Trust me on that. Is it worth it? I thought so. I was stubborn, I was a rock. I would not give up, and regardless of what someone told me to do, added their 2 cents, or even begged me to give up. I didnt.

 

I loved her, and I think personal embarrassment, my shame, my heart ache, the tears, the throwing up, the lost time, the lost chances...

 

 

Those horrible moments, were ALL worth the second "rally" I had with my ex. For once, it was worth the shot to really, REALLY know if it was the right thing..

 

It hurt to know it wasn't in the end. The door was wide open, but the room was empty. There was no substance left to work with. I hated to walk away from someone that could only give an "I don't know."

 

Set your ultimatums. Don't tell her them, but in your heart, set something you can live with.

 

"No friends. Couple or nothing."

 

"Yes, fully into working it out, or nothing."

 

Make no concessions for her at the moment. Don't leave the bottom soggy.

 

Set something up that works like those examples.

 

Then go get her bro.. If she's not worth the hurt again, then drop this, and keep it like it is. I was in your shoes months ago. In fact, I had more postive 'I want you back' ID's than I could deal with.

 

In the end? She lives a block from me, we don't speak, or see each other. It's not the way she wants it to be the end of, but she go what she wanted to begin, and I got what I wanted to end.

 

 

Best of luck bud.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It is so incredibly clear to me how much my viewpoint changes depending on my level of confidence. Maybe I just keep beating myself down because deep down I know its not right to get back together?

 

Its crazy how I only seem to take a confidence hit with this girl and no other. I guess I just need a shot in the arm in regards to this situation - thanks for that RedQueen. Keep Smiling.

 

and FCTex, thanks for sticking with my threads man, I owe you one.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Captain... dude. Dont look at her myspace or facebook!!! That is probably the worst thing you can do to yourself. Do u want to be tormented. Believe me. All that will happen is you will see some questionable comments and your brain will Over-analyze them. Also, what if a picture shows up with her and another guy. It will kill you.

 

Even though i really really wanted to know how ex is doing, and who with, and what she looks like...... I Really, really dont. Get my drift? Anything other than " im missing xxxx (you)" will be a complete let down, and will hurt like a gunshot to the chest. And i can pretty much guarendamntee 99% of the time that isnt going to happen. This is why i dropped her off my Facebook.

 

Listen to the advice on this board man. Read and re-read. It helps.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I hear what you are saying...but of course I checked it before I logged on here. Didn't like what I saw, but again you are right: I can't possibly know the context.

 

I've been telling myself its all about confidence and that I just have to be straight up with a phone call, maybe invite her to chill at my new place taht she hasnt seen. But then again, I'm not going to go begging back.

 

](*,) ](*,)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My ex is so wonderful in so many ways. I fell in love with her because she was so strong and independent. But at the same time, she still has her insecurties, and she wanted me because I have the characteristic to just do what needs to be done. She's tough, but she's still a girl at heart. It all reminds me of the Bob Dylan song "Just Like a Woman."

Well then do it already, it seems like she's definitely worth it.

 

I've been wanting reassurance that her signs mean something. But youknow....I don't need that. She is still in love with me, I see it in her eyes. If there wasn't that strong connection between us than it wouldn't still be there.

Words and actions can be deceptive, but the emotions behind the eyes NEVER lie.

 

Her father left her mother for his secretary, then ran off and started a new family. My ex is close with her father, but I know this has always been a big thing for her. I don't even think she is consciously aware of that.

This a big deal, huge in fact. She was severely hurt and betrayed by the one man in her life who meant the most to her.

 

She is so indecisive it drives me crazy. But the thing is I haven't done what I have needed to do. I haven't taken control of the situation and done what has needed to be done: put my wants aside, be honest, and confront her like i have been afraid to do. I shouldn't be afraid to tell her i am still in love with her, and I shouldn't lack the confidence to tell her I know she still loves me. I should be able to tell her that despite all this, what is going on now with her indecisiveness is not acceptable.

 

Either she accepts and lives with her decision to end things and not have me be a part of her life, or she admits how much she loves me and stops being afraid to put herself out there. I am not saying I am 100% sure it will work out forever, but she doesn't have to be afraid of me abandoning her.

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!!

 

 

But if she can't be strong enough to make a decision herself, I have to man up and make clear that we are both to go our separate ways and lead separate lives completely. That is not what I want and it kills me to think this will close the door on reconciliation when it doesn't seem she has closed the door herself. I just don't want to feel that hurt you all can understand.

 

I am being much more decisive and bold with these thoughts .

 

Now all you need to do is execute!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So I called and left a message on her voicemail just a few minutes ago. Below is basically what I said:

 

"Hey girl, how you doing? You know who it is... So I hadn't seen you in a while - I had taken some time for me. I had a lot of business to take care of. THings are going real well for me now, my house is in order and I'm happy with where I'm at. And you know, I was real sore about some things that went down between us, I had to take some time to get some perspective on things, and I did. All that is in the past, I'm not mad at ya, got nothing but love for ya. I'm not gonna say I didn't think about you the last couple months - now and then something would remind me of you and it would put a smile on my face. I remember seeing this CR-V commercial where they pop the popcorn in the car...I thought that was so funny I almost laughed out loud (she drives a cr-v, popcorn was our codeword for sex haha). It was good to see you at the bar when we sat down and talked, I appreciate you making the effort to show things were cool between us. I'm sorry if it seemed like things weren't cool with me and if I was a little cold towars you, thats why I wanted to call because its not the case. You just caught me in the midst of finalizing my new job and I wanted to get that settled before I addressed things with you. Why don't you give me a call and let me know when you're free next week so we can get together and kick it for a minute. Hey, you might choose to not call me back...maybe you are still having a hard time dealing with things, I don't know. But if thats the case it doesn't make sense you making the effort to get at me when I've been doing my own thing, especially while were wearing that dress. You're damn straight I noticed it, you looked good. So if you want to get at me you know where to reach me, otherwise I hope the best for you ****, you take care of yourself girl."

 

I would love some feedback about this, especially from the ladies' viewpoint. She ended things in June, I went NC mid August. Then the end of September her friends started askking a bout me, then my ex started showing up at the places I frequent. Then I saw her like 6 times in 10 days - coincidence?? The first time I saw her in over 2 months she was working to get at me, was flirtateous and just happened to be wearing a dress she bought to attend a formal function with me last year. I saw her several times after that but I was very, very cautious...so much so I was too passive and that may have turned her off. I called her Monday and asked her to get back to me.

 

I really feel like I put myself out there like woah but that phone call, but I honestly feel like I was on point...what do you all think? IN any case, I'm sticking to my guns - if she can't get back to me then she and I cannot be a part of each other's lives. Believe me, I take no pleasure in this, but its about time I manned up and took control of this situation. It just sucks because I can see it in her eyes that she's still in love with me, i just don't know what she is so afraid of. I mean cmon, she can't even get back to me and tell me straight up how she feels?!?! THat shouldn't be a problem at all if she's done with things and just wants to chill out.

 

Hook it up with some feedback people!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

yea maybe i did say too muc man. but honestly, at this point saying too much shouldn't even matter. im tired of playing the game and holding back, playing it cool, etc. either this girl admits to herself how much she loves me, steps up and puts herself out there....or her and i just never have contact again.

 

my guess? she'll be a little girl and not respond back to me. at that point ill stick by my guns and completely put her behind me. and then i wouldnt be surprised if i hear from her down the road.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

^This was NOT the plan man, what happened?!?!? Honestly, reading your message was like reading a page from my past. And that's not a good thing, cause I've got NO game. You are letting her feast away at your ego and now your confidence-level is crippled because of it. Right now you need to stop thinking about her and focus on regaining your confidence.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i know what you are saying, i really do. first thing i did after i called was second guess myself, look for reassurance. and thats what has always killed me with this whole situation. in every other aspect of life i do what my gut tells me and i live with the consequences. sometimes im a bit too bold, but i gotta trust myself. i could have been confident, but i am glad that i was able to take control of this situation in a kind way and let her know that my patience is out and im at the end of my line. i tried very hard to communicate this with some class.

 

so maybe i phrased things wrong, left something out or said something i shouldnt have. maybe a voicemail was the wrong way to go. blah blah blah.

 

i had to do something. so the positives? i told her i took time for me and that i wasnt just waiting for word from her. i had let the situtaion go. i would have sounded full of sh*t had i not admitted i had thought about her. i also said that the things i was mad about are moot now. i was trying to convey that things are cool now, im not mad anymore. im not. Regardless of what happens between us, I am glad that I was mature enough not to hold a grudge and to forgive.

 

i mean at this point what else am i supposed to do. sit back and be patient and play it cool, suuuure. this sh*t has begun eating at me again and i cant have this wanting her in my life. i was doing great without her and then she reels me back in with her actions. regardless of what her actions meant, its how they affect me that is most important to me. she broke it off twice, came back, and now this. ](*,) I had to have the self respect to make clear im putting this thing to bed.

 

Believe me, I in the past have been willing to grind it out and work for it, but i cant do taht anymore. It takes too much out of me. It is not that I don't feel she is worth it, but love shouldn't be like this. I can't keep putting my heart on the line continually just to get hurt again. I believe she is still in love with me, I really do. I just don't think she will take the risk of putting herself on the line.

 

if this is the end all between us im glad i approached it with some class and wished her the best. i made the effort. maybe my actiosn werent full of game, but i think i did the right thing. i tried to be classy...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

friend of mine told me that on thursday night she heard i was at a bar and told him that she didnt want to run into me. this was before i called her, i didnt find out about this until after the call. oh well.

 

i slept on things. maybe my call wasnt ideal, but i was honest and took the classy route. right now im just going to get back to what i had been doing - nothing. im going to focus on my business and keep moving forward. its her move so as far as im concerned i should do nothig until she makes it. if i run into her ill take it from there.

 

biggest thing is there is no need to worry. and to be honest, im going to put some more effort into seeing where things go with some other women im interested in, but ill keep that to myself.

 

thanks everyone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey bro,

 

I was reading up on your deal.

 

First off, I know the feeling when you've put it out there and your waiting for the bait to be taken..

 

It's almost a cross between relief, and throwing up..

 

Your right about not worrying, but I know thats not the case. I could front anything after my dealings, and act cool with it, but rest assured I wasn't.

 

You said a little much in your voicemail. Telling her anything about loving her, noticing her, or any other means of calling her out on anything(true or not) wasn't the best plan.

 

Infact, your voicemail while nice, and open, and honest, and perhaps classy in your eyes.. You laid down like a door mat. You don't need that man.

 

I don't know when you called her, and how long it's been since then, but if she hasn't called you back within a day, or maybe two at the latest, I'd give up on that one man.

 

Any excuse about not getting it, or too busy to call is BS. Everyone checks voicemail daily. Everyone has time for love, and if it was worth it to her, she'd get back to you eitheir way. If she had enough respect, she'd stand up and tell you no, or yes. She'd decline, clear things up and walk away again.

 

If she doesn't want to run into you, or doesn't respond to you bro.. Give up. It hurts I know.. Don't ignore it, but just go back to the way you were with things and just realize * * * * doesn't work out like it should, or the way we want it.

 

Best of luck man, keep us updated... I wish you could have padded things better for yourself, but it's hard too when you put your heart on the chopping block again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i really just got tired of the game man. ive been playing for so long now, it just wears on you. i was keeping it all at arm's length when BAM!!! - my friend tells me about the conversation he had with her. That's what really killed my confidence. I never transitioned from NC in my thoughts or through my actions...

 

Was I too harsh by the way I ended my message? I really feel as if I was impatient and didnt let things play out. I especially think I blew my chances to work on things when I saw her in person(and by that I mean acting too passively). Now I wish I had just continued sitting back and not contacting her until I had some good face to face encounters. I really didn't want to make an ultimatum to her that I can't fully stand behind.

 

Point is, I know this situation needs time for her and I to be on a better level and I can handle that. I have gotten to the point where I can shake off things I see or hear about her that in the past really got to me. And I was very confident when she sat down and spoke with me. None of these things are the major issue here......

 

The major issue is that I am constantly second guessing myself on how I should react to the situation. Because of that I spend way too much time focusing on it all, which makes me indecisive, which kills my confidence. If I knew what I should do and was sure that it was the right outlook I would be fine. That's what gets to me most.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Your trying to get that ever elusive middle ground.

 

If we all knew what we should do and what was the right direction, we'd ALL have our ex's back and we'd be happy and content.

 

The game gets old really quick. I told you that. It get draining down the point that it's almost not worth it anymore.

 

I don't think you were harsh by any means. I don't know how you acted when you saw her last, but regardless if it was out of character or not, I fail to see where one chance meeting, and you acting different would send her off the idea of reconcilliation.

 

Like I mentioned before, it just doesn't sound like she had any serious intentions of making amends. And while your going to beat yourself up on "not waiting" long enough.. You have to realize that it was now or never. If she didn't get back to you after the call, then she more than likely wasn't going to get back with you a month from now if you didn't contact her.

 

You can't keep it all bound out and waiting on her to keep playing her games. You can't keep second guessing yourself, but it's obvious you'll swirl into another fall, that kills any confidence you had in yourself.

 

Just take it for what it's worth. Regardless if you pounced too soon. Regardless if you felt you messed up some 'chance' moments with her.. But it's just not to work out. It sounds like you did everything you could, and you did it to the best of your knowledge and followed you heart to the fullest. You read her the best you could, and took every hint, chance and moment for what it was worth.

 

You can't take a mulligan for the shots you took. Live with it and learn from this man.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share


×
×
  • Create New...