She contacted me again

[Lykke 32]

I posted about this relationship before. basically I fell in love with her, it took me ages, since I admited it. Then I went throught the stage " the friendship is more important then love". But it didn´t work for me. She also treated me sometimes the way, that brought me into the button. I´ve decided to break the friendship off with her. It´s been a year ago.

 

I´ve had a pretty bad time after that, but it was also releaving in many ways. Anyway, I also felt guilty for the way, I broke it off. It wasn´t nice, I am not proud of it. And I decided to tell her the truth about my feelings towards her(she was always sending mixed signals, so I wanted to clear this) .

 

So I wrote her a letter 5 months ago. I explained, why I ended our friendship, said sorry for the way I did it and told her about my feelings towards her. I pointed out, that she didn´t have to answer, I just asked her to let me know, if she got the letter, so she knew the truth. I told her, that if she wouldn´t write back, I was gonna take it as a closure. And that was exactly, what happened. She´s sent me sms saying, she did read the letter, but she didn´t know, what to say.

 

I´ve never heart from her again. Well, I did, as I said, I took it as a closure and finally moved on after all....Not completely, I must say, but far enought....It was so hard, but I felt so good lately.

 

This thursday, out of blue, she wrote me sms saying, that she was often thinking about me and asking how i was doing.... I was like WHAT???

 

I asked, why she wrote me. Why now. She just wanted to let me know, that she still cared about me and that she felt bad, she never answered my letter. She still didn´t know, how she felt about it all and she was still confused about, what happened between us. So I asked her, what she wanted out of contacting me, ´cause I thought, there must be something. I asked, if she wanted to talk about it, it could help to clear the things. Then she got all defensive. She didn´t want anything, she just want to be nice and she still wasn´t able to cope with, what happened. She wasn´t able to talk with me, not yet. I said, I was sorry, that she couldn´t move on and asked, if there is anything, I could do to help her.

 

Well, silence again.... Now I am totally lost.... Waiting and waiting for the answer.... She seems to disappear again...

 

Why she contacted me, if she doesn´t want to talk to me? It makes no sense...... I am confused....

 

She never commented either way the fact, that I love her. She never said, it was crazy or unbelievable... She just really never said anything.... Nothing, that would clear this up...

 

Would you guys ask her straight, whether she ever had feelings for me?

 

Thanks

[Captain34]

no man, I'd play it cool and see how things play out. if she's interested she'll dig a bit harder to see where you are at...but show your hand now and she gets to see your cards for free.

 

i would however do the polite thing and send a short, impersonal response back to her, but wait a couple days

[Cadence308]

I'm sorry that you lost this friend because of your intense feelings. It sounds like she was sorry to lose your friendship and that may have been why she contacted you...maybe she was hoping that you were over the intense romantic feelings and could be friends again. I would not ask her straight if she had feelings for you. It seems she would have said or done something by this point if her feelings had been mutual.

 

Good luck and keep us posted!

[Lykke 32]

Thank you guys for the good advices..... It helped me really to look at it from the right perspective.

 

I had a bad weekend though, I was all sad...

 

On the other hand I realised, that I really was almost over my tender feelings towards her, but anyway only almost.... I am so afraid, that if we somehow start to talk again, I would go the wrong direction again.... And at the same time I think, I am able to be just friends..... Maybe..... Pretty chaotic, right?

 

It takes so damn long to move on..... It´s unbelievable.....

 

I don´t know, what I am gonna do. Luckily enought there is no rush to decide anything.... Pleeeenty of time....

 

I don´t even know, if I am glad, that she contacted me, or not....

 

Maybe just "Have a nice day" sms one day would be ok? I don´t know, I need maybe more time....

[SolitarySoul]

Hi Lykke 32

 

I've just been reading through your posts, and i'm really genuinely sorry for what you're feeling.

 

I don't mean to take over your thread but i am/was in a pretty similar situation to yourself.

Last year i started at a new job where i met someone who changed me and my life........

 

We got on great together and i truly thought the world of her.

 

I worked there for a year and during this time we became friends and would often go out for drinks.

 

It wasn't long before this person started to make it pretty obvious she was attracted to me too. Although I never mentioned my sexuality, she was pretty open and admitted having bisexual experiences in the past.

I'm pretty sure though she always knew i was into her.

 

I'd never felt a connection to what i did with her. It was as though we always new what we both were thinking. I know that might sound a bit crazy, but that's just the way it was.

 

Because she was my manager it made things really awkward for me. There was also an age gap too.

Although she was the one who was always doing the flirting and sending out mixed signals, you'd have to be pretty slow to have not picked up on her intentions by these mixed signals.

 

Anyway as time passed i knew i would have to leave my job. I couldn't cope with the feelings i had for her and be working with her too.

 

After 14 months i decided to quit my job so i could tell her how i felt. Although she was always sending these mixed signals it was as though she was waiting for me to say or do something. I knew she wasn't the type of person to make the first move so to speak.

 

She didn't want me to leave, and said if i ever wanted to return, there would always be a job there for me.

 

Without going into details to this day i'm 100% certain she knew why i was leaving.

I planned on telling her when i left, but unfortuanatly never got the chance & right moment.

 

We still planned to meet up, but when i left i didn't know when that would be. I figured out that i'd really let myself down and possibly her too.

 

I quit my job so i could finally be true & tell her how i felt. But the truth was i was still living a lie because she didn't know.

 

Anyway, i decided to send her a few text messages explaining things. In them i mentioned how i had feelings for her and i thought she was a great person. I said i thought she may feel the same, but if i had got things wrong then i hope she could still see me as the person i always was....a friend.

 

When a few days passed by with no reply, i knew something was really wrong.....

I tried to call her and it came up with 'call not allowed'

 

I was and am still devestated six months later.

 

On the night i tried to call her i went to visit her. We only spoke through an intercom so i didn't get chance to see her face to face. When i spoke with her she was really quiet and she aked me to leave as one of the girls from work was going round. I said i was really sorry and would she please just let me explain things.

 

But she wouldn't. I said i would go, but i asked if she would promise to contact me. She said she would.

 

The next day i received a text from her saying please don't contact me again.

 

I couldn't believe it, i didn't know what was going on and what to do.

 

I was really worried so the only thing i could do was to contact a mutual friend/ex work colleague.

When i got in touch with this friend i found out that she already knew everything and everyone at work did too.......

 

Becaue she wouldn't speak with me the only thing i could do was to send her a letter. I asked the friend if she would pass it on for me.

 

In the letter i apologised if i'd frightened or scared her.

I went on to say that there may be so much more i need to apologise for but unless she ever looked me in the eyes and answer the questions i had i couldn't apologise fully.

I said i would be sad that i was loosing her friendship but i am and always would be willing to at least try and clear the air with her.

I said i hoped she wouldn't ignore me if i ever saw her again. I also promised not to contact her anymore.

 

This was all nearly 6 months ago now and it really has got to me. I miss her as a friend so so much, but i'm also really sad to what she did to me.

 

Unless i ever do speak with her i will always be 100% sure i didn't misread the situation. But without any aswers i don't know what to think anymore.

 

Part of me thinks if she did have feelings for me she would never have done what she did. I also think, okay so she may have panicked, but then i think if she thought anything about me surely she would have been in contact with me?

 

A couple of weeks back i saw her coming out one of the pubs with a few of my ex work colleagues, she smiled and said hi.

 

Although i'm over the moon she didn't ignore me i still feel so sad. None of my other ex work colleagues even bothered to come over and see me.

 

I can't believe these were people i'd worked with for over a year, we'd go out together, i'd give them lifts home from work and all i got was a Hi.

 

I know i probably sound so ungrateful, but all i did was be honest with someone. I can bet my life if i'd never said anything or she hadn't they would have come over to chat with me.

 

It's obvious she had said thing about me that were untrue & i guess she kind of turned them against me.

 

Part of me feels as though i never got the chance to stand up for myself, i just walked away quietly. I give up my job, i lost friends and i also lost the one of the best things that ever happened to me.

 

One day I do hope that we could be friends again.

 

Sometimes i think if she truly isn't/wasn't bothered i'd love to give her a piece of my mind and let her know that what she said and did was wrong.

A part of me think though deep down she is bothered, and is probably sorry for the way things turned out.

 

I am still in contact with a mutual friend/ex work colleague and i did hear she had asked about me.

 

I wish i knew how to put things right between us, but i don't know what to do.

 

I'm sorry for hijacking your thread, it's just when i heard that your friend contacted you after 7 months it gave me hope.

It would be like winning the lottery if she ever contacted me.

 

I guess i'll never give up hoping.

 

Good luck to you and again i am sorry

 

god bless

[Lykke 32]

I wrote her about two weeks ago, that if she was not ready to talk to me, so she needed more time. I told her to take all the time she needed and then, if she still felt like to talk, she was always welcome to contact me....

 

You know, it really took time to put the right words to the message. I was all hasitant, whether to send it, I changed this word instead of this, I thought back and forth, if I should´ve sent it or not..... Well after one hour of this reading it again and again, wondering, if it was good enought etc. etc., I´ve sent it..... Now the best part was, that I hardly managed to get the delivery repport, and she wrote me back! Literally in 20 seconds She simply wrote "Thanks". Nothing less, nothing more...

 

I don´t know, she could maybe spend 3 minutes on this and write at least five more words....I feel a bit used somehow, you know... Like she managed to make me open up to her again, but, well, she disappeared anyway.....

 

She probably didn´t know, what else to say.....