Lost my virginity last night... now I'm freaking out...

[WadeCure]

Last night and this morning I had sex with my girlfriend of a few weeks - the first time that I had ever had sex so nonetheless I lost my virginity to her (at age 24). I sort of felt pressured into it because she would often ask to have sex, even though she respected when I said "no", she just asked very often. I very likely wasn't ready for it because today I am just absolutely having an anxiety attack and a half about it. I used a polyurethane condom (she is allergic to latex) while she wasn't on birth control. When I brought this to the attention of my friend, he absolutely went nuts on me and told me to never have sex with her again until she is on birth control. Now I am worried about what happened last night and this morning - I didn't climax at all during each time we had sex, in fact I couldn't hold my erection very well (except the second time, we had sex three times) as the condom really hampered my ability to feel what was going on. The condom didn't break or anything, and I didn't climax at all, but I'm worried about the chances of her getting pregnant anyway. I am having a major anxiety attack over this because of the reaction of my roommate. Should I be worried since the condom didn't seem to break and I didn't climax? What about pre-come? What are the chances? Can you tell if a condom has been broken? Do I have a right to be panicking right now?

 

The second part of the question is tonight we may have sex again, but I'm REALLY uncomfortable about it now. I'm worried about bringing this whole matter up to her. I love her very much and want to make her happy, but at the same time I'm so nervous and uncomfortable. I would be more comfortable having sex with her if she was on birth control. How can I bring this up to her without her being upset with me? When we were having sex last night, she seemed initially upset when I asked her if she was tested, but it went away. I can't remember what she said but she got real upset for a few seconds but then dropped it and respected my questions. I'm really terrified about having a talk with her about this - what can I say to make things more comfortable for the both of us?

[BetterKarma]

Don't panic. Breathe.

 

Your chances of getting your gf pregnant is pretty low. However, there is a chance, just like everything is a chance but it's extemely low. Pre-cum can cause a pregnancy however, since your condom didn't break and you didn't cum, your chances are extremely low.

 

You're not ready for more intimacy. Don't let anyone pressure you into it. If your gf doesn't understand and gets upset then she's not the right person for you. The reason why you probaby didn't climax or had problems maintaining an erection is due to your anxiety and being uncomfortable.

 

In addition, just because she's on birth control doesn't protect you from STDs. Make sure to use a condom and birth control until you are sure that you both are exclusive and STD free.

[vermilion]

Tell her you don't want to have sex again until she's on birth control because you have a hard time enjoying yourself when you're worrying if she'll get pregnant.

 

And stop worrying if she's pregnant or not from last night because if she is, it's already been done. There is, of course, a chance that she's pregnant but not a very high chance.

 

And you can tell if a condom breaks but I don't think it's possible to know if there are any tiny holes you can't see.

 

She could get pregnant from pre-cum because it does have sperm in it. But if it stayed in the condom it's very unlikely.

[southerngirl]

She has only been your girlfriend for a few weeks.

 

She was upset that you asked her if she had been tested. She insisted on the condom being non-latex or did she try to pressure you into the use of no condom?

 

link removed This is information about the use of condoms it is VERY important to use them especially if you are not very very sure that your partner is free of deseases.

 

Not to mention the risk of pregnancy. What troubles me is that you say on one hand that you think it was too soon for you, so I would say dont do it anymore.

 

Second thing is you say you love her very much but you have only been with her a few weeks. I think right now you are feeling very intrigued and close to love... but if you can not discuss birth control and the testing of sexually transmitted deseases with her comfortably then you two are not ready to have sex.

 

So you are going to have to talk to her. If she gets mad shes not the right girl for ya. Also while talking about the other things you should discuss what you would do in the event that she were to become pregnant. Example: how do each of you feel about abortion adoption or coparenting. These are important things to discuss before it happens.

[Anna.]

I honestly wouldn't worry about her being pregnant. I know stranger things have happened, but I'd say your chances are very, very small.

[kafka]

I honestly wouldn't worry about her being pregnant. I know stranger things have happened, but I'd say your chances are very, very small.

I agree.

 

What is more worrying is the pressure you felt, which by the way, would definitely effect your performance. As will condoms, but that is perfectly normal and will improve with time and some imaginative foreplay.

I think right now you are feeling very intrigued and close to love... but if you can not discuss birth control and the testing of sexually transmitted diseases with her comfortably then you two are not ready to have sex.

And I agree with that too.

[FCTex]

I wouldn't worry about pregnacy.

 

About the lack of holding an erection. It was because you were nervous, and because it was your first time. You had alot of presssure on you and this explains it.

 

If she pressured you, and she was insitant on you using polyurethane(which ideally, is stronger, AND better than latex), then I dont think it's too far off for you to ask that she get on BC before you continue to have sex much more.

 

Another thing is.. If you don't want to, dont do it. But your nervous at this point, and it's to be expected.

 

Congrats on tossing your V-Card. It's all wild after that.

[Deviant_Kate]

There's almost no chance she could get pregnant from what you described. I think polyurethane condoms are pretty damn reliable.

 

Definitely talk to her about going on the pill, AND about getting tested if she hasn't been since her last partner. If she gets on a reliable form of oral contraceptive, once she's been on it long enough for it to be in full effect you guys might be able to chuck the condoms.

 

It might not be a bad idea to invest in some spermicide too. It's always best to cover your bases, and they say two forms of birth control are best. It might take a little of the spontenaity out of it, but not much more than putting on a condom does.

[sparkle1]

I definitely don't think you were ready to have sex with this lady.

 

Don't beat yourself up about the sexual side of a relationship - but feeling pressured is not an enjoyable way to feel about something so big as having sex....

 

The chances of you getting her pregnant are soooo slim - its not worth saying!

 

So get the pregnancy stuff out of the way. talk to her about how you are feeling. And discuss birth control. Also don't have sex again until YOU feel ready.

 

X

[WadeCure]

So an update... thanks everyone for their replies, you guys have been immensely helpful.

 

Last night we talked about it. She was upset but was more upset than anything that I didn't talk to her first so it's cool she's understanding. She is a Registered Nurse working at a hospital so she went thorugh all this medical bruhaha with me about how under the right circumstances if both parties are healthy that there is only a 20% chance of pregnancy on any given sexual encounter (I assume that's unprotected sex mind you.) Then she told me that she had lots of problems with her ovaries and a bunch of other stuff. Contrary to what I thought she said, she is on birth control HOWEVER she said she may be coming around the time or overdue for her next BC shot. She wanted to go to Wal-Mart and buy some Spermicide jelly in order to help me feel more comfortable. So yeah she's being pretty understanding regarding the whole thing. We wound up having sex two more times, both times the same thing happened pretty much, I didn't orgasm and the condom didn't break. I'm feeling a bit better about things now. Though I'm probably gonna remind her about the BC shot next time we have an encounter.

[FCTex]

It's good that you've gotten past the talk, and being a little more comfortable.

 

It's a good think she's trying to make things right for your concerns too!

 

 

Now that you've got that outta the way, you need to just relax some! Stop trying to focus on lasting long, stop trying to even orgasm quickly! The more you focus on something during sex, the harder it is to obtain. Just have fun, and don't hold your breathe!