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I feel...well, dirty


Pretty Peggy-O
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In June, I broke up with the most amazing guy I've ever dated, over reasons I'll probably detail later on if missing him becomes to much of a problem. A couple of months later, a guy I've known online for about two years - and has grown into one of my closest friends, online or off - came out and told me the feelings he's had for me...according to him, he's had them for a while. I don't know if I was still tender from breaking up with my ex, or if I really felt like I loved him. Either way, I returned his feelings and soon we were in a relationship. The next month, I go off to college, and things start to get a bit sour. I've acted a bit bipolar all throughout this relationship, it isn't fair to him at all. We used to spend hours on the telephone talking, but as of late, we hardly catch each other on IM anymore. A couple of weeks ago I told him that I needed to leave, that I was busy with my work. But I got all emotional and backed off of that decision. Since then I've had this longing...for a man's touch, his warm embrace, his kiss, his whisper in my ear. I started feeling strongly attracted to almost every guy I saw (and at my campus, almost every last guy is far from unfortunate looking). Hell, I started feeling that longing for my ex-boyfriend. In the end, I've managed to shrug those feelings off for the time being. Late September, I got myself into a small college-related debt that my boyfriend insisted on paying for...saying that it's his money and he'll do whatever he wanted with it (which ended up paying that debt off). Now I feel as if that one act binds me to him, and more and more each day my feelings for him weaken. By no means is he a bad guy, and he isn't the type of person who'd use the situation with the debt as some sort of bind to him, but I can't help but feel that way...can't help to feel that I've used him.

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If you want out of this relationship, which sounds to me like a rebound thing, its not fair on you or this guy. You need to be honest and talk to him. I would recommend time out for yourself, try being single for a while to discover yourself and get over your past hurt.

Hopefully you will be able to stay friends as that is how you both started out, and if it eases your conscience suggest to him that you pay back the loan, even if it is in small installments.

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, and it is crueller and not fair to this guy, just to continue the relationship because you feel indebted to him.

 

Good luck to you, i hope things work out for the best x

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I agree with DizzyDoris.

With one caviat.

 

Don't SUGGEST to him that you pay back the debt. DO IT!

 

Start paying him in small installments and you'll be amazed how quickly the debt is gone (you said it wasn't much anyway.)

 

There's nothing worse than feeling indebted to someone, it's obviously worsening your feelings towards this guy, which is a pity because what he did for you was a nice thing to do and it was a sacrifice on his part. Better for both of you to remove the power of that "one act" that "binds" him to you. It will be better for you, better for him and better for the relationship-even if it's just a friendship.

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