In June, I broke up with the most amazing guy I've ever dated, over reasons I'll probably detail later on if missing him becomes to much of a problem. A couple of months later, a guy I've known online for about two years - and has grown into one of my closest friends, online or off - came out and told me the feelings he's had for me...according to him, he's had them for a while. I don't know if I was still tender from breaking up with my ex, or if I really felt like I loved him. Either way, I returned his feelings and soon we were in a relationship. The next month, I go off to college, and things start to get a bit sour. I've acted a bit bipolar all throughout this relationship, it isn't fair to him at all. We used to spend hours on the telephone talking, but as of late, we hardly catch each other on IM anymore. A couple of weeks ago I told him that I needed to leave, that I was busy with my work. But I got all emotional and backed off of that decision. Since then I've had this longing...for a man's touch, his warm embrace, his kiss, his whisper in my ear. I started feeling strongly attracted to almost every guy I saw (and at my campus, almost every last guy is far from unfortunate looking). Hell, I started feeling that longing for my ex-boyfriend. In the end, I've managed to shrug those feelings off for the time being. Late September, I got myself into a small college-related debt that my boyfriend insisted on paying for...saying that it's his money and he'll do whatever he wanted with it (which ended up paying that debt off). Now I feel as if that one act binds me to him, and more and more each day my feelings for him weaken. By no means is he a bad guy, and he isn't the type of person who'd use the situation with the debt as some sort of bind to him, but I can't help but feel that way...can't help to feel that I've used him.
