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where to go from here?


lexy814
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I'm having an issue with knowing where to take things with my ex boyfriend. We were together for four years, planning to marry eventually adn start a family. His career became very time consuming and i started to feel neglected so we broke up. We didn't see one another for a year. I dated someone else for awhile but continuously missed my ex. Finally one night I called him and really didn't expect to hear back. But he called back the next day. And when he found out that I had been harassed by soemone in my apartment building, he was very upset came over to my place immediatley. Well, long story short we ended up sleeping together. I was hesitant and evn told him. But he said that it had been too long since we;d seen each other. I didn't think about it until later, but isn't that the point of being broken up? Not seeing each other? Anyway, later he asked me if i was dating anyone and I told him I wasn't. He isn't either. So now what? Currently he's working out of town, but now he will be staying with me at my place whenever he comes into the city. I'm not exactly sure what to think. Are we back together? I know I should and will talk to him about this. I just wanted to get your input.

thanks!

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You were right to break it off in the first place. Remember how it felt to be neglected? How it felt to come second to his career?

 

Now imagine having that same feeling 5 years from now.. 10 years from now.. 15 years down the road. Is that the kind of life you want?

 

Yes, it hurts being apart and breakups can take months or years to heal, if ever! But does that compare to the pain of feeling neglected on a daily basis for life?

 

If you want to stay with him, then you need to make some rules. You need to tell him what you are expecting from a relationship, and ask him if he's looking for the same thing. Then give it a test run. Tell him and you can continue to see each other for 3 months (for example), but that you are not officially back together. Tell him it is a test, and if he fails, there are no second chances. Give him a chance, but don't fall too hard.

 

People can change, but they usually don't. How much pain are you willing to let this guy inflict on you? Remember, that's your choice.

 

And good luck. My best friend is still sleeping with a guy that broke up with her over a year ago. It is destroying her from the inside, and while she knows that, she just can't cut ties. It's not easy, I know!!

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Yes, I do want to be with him. And I asked myself over and over again if I can handle the same situation with him before I picked up the phone. I honestly didn't think he would call back. It could've just been a one time thing. I guess I'll find out soon enough.

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omg amber - look at what u just said. lets recap. the woman in question is in trouble, who does she call? someone she trusts will help. when she asks - does he say, ok...but pass this test first! lol. no he comes over. then, when the woman wonders what the relationship is about, your suggestion is to test him? he already passed it by coming over when she called! wow. see, its ok to 'ask' for his help and accept him honouring that without strings attached. so, why the sudden power play? weird.

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